Separating from emotionally abusive husband

[BujiAndBells]

First post- newbie here.

My husband is emotionally abusive. Has been for years.

Its come to a head and we’re discussing (or usually it’s coming up in arguments) separation.

Ive spoken to a sol and they’ve advised me of my rights.

My biggest concern is that my husband is so mixed in what he says and mostly I think it’s because he’s trying to control. He says:

1. he will be going for full custody (I’ve already told him it’s 50:50 - he doesn’t even know where the school gate is lols.)

2. he said he will be moving c30 miles away, which means son (7) has to get up at 5am to get to childminder and that is all my fault

3. he then says he wants an easy life so I’ll have full custody and if I f**k our son up it’s again all my fault

If we do 50:50 I can stay at my job and stay in the same area as sons school and friends.

If he doesn’t do 50:50 and I have son, I would have to move me and my son to be nearer work as I’m Herts and work is in Reading. It is hybrid but I need to be in twice per week.

The only way I could stay near school is if work would allow me to do 10am - 3pm on site days but I really don’t think that will be possible.

it’s such an almighty mess and I’m stuck as to what to do. I don’t want to move my son and have such a huge change (literally starting all over again).

has anyone been in this situation, what did you do?

Just issue C100 and go via the courts.

If he's emotionally abusive and controlling its likely he will do whatever is going to make your life more difficult. I wouldn't let on your worries/needs to him as you're just giving him information he can use to make leaving difficult. I would focus on the first step which is leaving as the concerns you have for the future may change and realistically you and probably he do not know what he's going to commit to in the future. The logistics will get sorted. Its the actual leaving that's going to be difficult.

If he’s emotionally abusive and moving so far away, why are you offering 50/50? .

If he’s abusive to the child too(or if his abusive behaviour towards you impacts on the child… which is usually does!), you should apply for full residence with supervised visits from his dad. At the very most you should apply for him to have EOW access via the courts.

50/50 is usually only practical/advisable when parents get on well and live close to each other. It sounds like you only need to commute to your office twice a week. Could your son go to the school’s breakfast club and and afterschool club on these days? Then, you wouldn’t have to change your working hours.