Ex-belongings | Mumsnet

Nimbus1999 · 2024-02-28T04:31:02+00:00

Sorry, I’m sure this has been done to death but wanted to check! Ex hasn’t lived in family home for nearly 2 years. He doesn’t contribute anything financially. I am getting it ready for sale and having a big sort out. He currently has a lot of his things, currently stored in the garage. I want to use the space so I can start sorting other areas of the house. I was thinking of sending him a letter, detailing what is there, with a photo and asking him to remove within 28 days. If he doesn’t collect it, it is my intention is to dispose of the stuff to make some space. Is this ok? It seems reasonable to me after nearly 2 years but thought I’d see if anyone been in a similar situation.

rwalker · 28/02/2024 05:40

Forget who pays for what does he still own a share of it
If he does own a share and no court order realistically he could even move back in

Original poster

Nimbus1999 · 28/02/2024 05:57

He is still a joint owner but I’m not sure that gives him rights to store his stuff here indefinitely? If you were a landlord with a tenant, you own the home but can’t leave all your stuff there!

OP posts:

LemonTT · 28/02/2024 07:34

Nimbus1999 · 28/02/2024 05:57

He is still a joint owner but I’m not sure that gives him rights to store his stuff here indefinitely? If you were a landlord with a tenant, you own the home but can’t leave all your stuff there!

But he isn’t a landlord and you aren’t a tenant.

where are you in terms of a settlement and divorce? There must have been some discussion to get to the decision to sell the house?

rwalker · 28/02/2024 07:36

That’s a completely different situation you have a tenancy agreement for sole use

anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 28/02/2024 08:32

Do you have a financial consent order as part of the divorce? Mine clearly states that any items left in the family home were now mine and he had no rights over them. This is despite him still being a joint owner as per the mortgage as I don't legally have to pay him the divorce settlement for a couple more years

I'd give him 28 days write multiple letters then dispose

TheGoodOldOne · 28/02/2024 12:49

Are things still bad enough at two years you can’t just text or email and say you’ve found some of his stuff in the garage and you are trying to clear it for the move. Please could he collect it?

A letter could work if necessary but sometimes things like formal letters and threats to do x,y and z by a certain date add fuel to the fire. Sometimes a “hey, by the way, please could you…” is much more effective. If that doesn’t work by all means go in formally.

Besides as others have said, he owns the house jointly. It will be sold soon and you won’t need to deal with him over house things again, there’s nothing to be gained by antagonising him this close to the end and him maybe digging his heels in and causing last minute problems.

Scaffoldingisugly · 28/02/2024 13:05

If you know where he works /lives shove it all in an Unber and give the driver the money...

Redlarge · 28/02/2024 13:09

Sell anything thats worth anything. Put the rest in binbags and tell them how long they will be outside for and when. Bin if he doesnt collect.

Redlarge · 28/02/2024 13:10

If he does say he's collecting them make sure the bin bags are the really cheap ones that split and rip. I would.

2022NewTimes · 28/02/2024 14:01

If he legally owns 50% of the house - he can still have his stuff there until the house exchanges/completes

MissJoGrant · 28/02/2024 14:32

Redlarge · 28/02/2024 13:10

If he does say he's collecting them make sure the bin bags are the really cheap ones that split and rip. I would.

Not everyone who divorces is bitter about it.

Anameisaname · 28/02/2024 14:43

2022NewTimes · 28/02/2024 14:01

If he legally owns 50% of the house - he can still have his stuff there until the house exchanges/completes

This! I'm afraid that whilst it may be satisfying to bin it or issue ultimatums, unless you have an agreement to the contrary.

Lovemusic82 · 28/02/2024 14:46

If he still owns half the house surely he can store what he likes there? You can ask him to remove his things but legally you can’t threaten to throw his stuff away.

Original poster

Nimbus1999 · 28/02/2024 14:55

I’ve been asking him for nearly 2 years and he hasn’t collected.

I read about “involuntary bailee” and wondered whether that might apply.

Not divorced yet or reached a settled but hopefully will be in next few months.

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FartSock5000 · 28/02/2024 15:47

@Nimbus1999 if the divorce and financial settlement are not completed then you cannot remove his personal items.

He is a co-owner of the property, not a tenant and he has the right to leave his belongings there until such time as the legalities are completed. At that point, you can include in the settlement a date by which all personal effects must be removed.

If you dump his stuff, he can ask to be financially compensated as part of the financial settlement.

This is worth a call or email to your solicitor.

Lovemusic82 · 28/02/2024 15:54

Nimbus1999 · 28/02/2024 14:55

I’ve been asking him for nearly 2 years and he hasn’t collected.

I read about “involuntary bailee” and wondered whether that might apply.

Not divorced yet or reached a settled but hopefully will be in next few months.

So he has just as much right to keep his things there as you do? It’s his house as well as yours.

Original poster

Nimbus1999 · 28/02/2024 16:33

I’m not sure I’d want to keep my stuff in my ex’s house in fairness, when I have my own home. Would rather have my things with me.

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2022NewTimes · 28/02/2024 16:42

Nimbus1999 · 28/02/2024 16:33

I’m not sure I’d want to keep my stuff in my ex’s house in fairness, when I have my own home. Would rather have my things with me.

If he is in rented property as the house has not sold yet so he cannot buy his separate property yet - then he may not have room for it at the rented property?

Are you having to pay him occupational rent as the joint asset is being exclusively used by you ?

Redlarge · 28/02/2024 16:57

2022NewTimes · 28/02/2024 16:42

If he is in rented property as the house has not sold yet so he cannot buy his separate property yet - then he may not have room for it at the rented property?

Are you having to pay him occupational rent as the joint asset is being exclusively used by you ?

Show quote history

As if

Original poster

Nimbus1999 · 28/02/2024 20:04

He is going to continue to rent after selling. No occupational rent is due because the home was bought as a family home for the 4 children, and it is still being used as a family home for the children. It is not applicable in these cases.

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HappyToSmile · 29/02/2024 07:01

He can legally keep the stuff there until the house is no longer joint his.
Sure, you can ask him to move it, but he doesn't have to, whether he is paying the mortgage/bills or not (as in my case).
It was part of our order for my ex to remove all his stuff and any joint stuff we agreed to by a certain date (he still went over this date). I wouldn't have damaged anything, but got a warning from his solicitor that should anything be damaged, I would be liable, so just beware of this if you listen to people saying to chuck it out.

LemonTT · 29/02/2024 11:05

I have made the connection between this and your other posts now. I think there are many things that need to be resolved as part of your divorce and it’s maybe going to take more time and patience than it otherwise would for you and your family. I am aware that you are now going to be applying via the courts for resolution around assets and a financial order. This is where you need to park this issue.

I get that you want to prepare the house for sale and that a sale is probably inevitable. But this is a case of focusing on what you can do rather than trying to get him to do something he basically can refuse to do and is refusing to do.

It might not be palatable but you could tidy or package up whatever he has to make the garage tidier. You don’t have to do this but it is an option. The other thing to consider is whether you should just get rid of all the excess stuff in the house given you are going to downsize anyway. It may well be that storage is just a stepping stone to a clearance.

I really understand how frustrating it is when you want to resolve something but can’t because of other people. This seems to be situation you are in. However sometimes things are beyond our control and it’s better to make peace with that for our mental health.

Original poster

Nimbus1999 · 29/02/2024 11:39

LemonTT · 29/02/2024 11:05

I have made the connection between this and your other posts now. I think there are many things that need to be resolved as part of your divorce and it’s maybe going to take more time and patience than it otherwise would for you and your family. I am aware that you are now going to be applying via the courts for resolution around assets and a financial order. This is where you need to park this issue.

I get that you want to prepare the house for sale and that a sale is probably inevitable. But this is a case of focusing on what you can do rather than trying to get him to do something he basically can refuse to do and is refusing to do.

It might not be palatable but you could tidy or package up whatever he has to make the garage tidier. You don’t have to do this but it is an option. The other thing to consider is whether you should just get rid of all the excess stuff in the house given you are going to downsize anyway. It may well be that storage is just a stepping stone to a clearance.

I really understand how frustrating it is when you want to resolve something but can’t because of other people. This seems to be situation you are in. However sometimes things are beyond our control and it’s better to make peace with that for our mental health.

Thanks LemonTT, that is really good advice. I’m just going to let it go. If he wants to collect fine, but if not it will have to go eventually when the house is sold. I am starting to get rid of stuff ready for the downsize and just wanted to get on with it. But you’re right, life is too short! Feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel for me now the court dates looming. Fingers crossed anyway!

OP posts: