Worried I can’t afford a divorce

[Namechangerooney1]

Strongly considering telling DH I want a divorce. We have 2 DC, one in primary, one in secondary. I would not want them to have to leave their family home, and ideally would stay living there with them. But I have no idea how I’d afford it.

I’m freelance and work PT and earnings fluctuate between £150-£1000 p/m. DH earns about £100k. Mortgage is £300k.

I know nothing about any of this stuff. Is it just completely out of the question for me to stay in the house when my earnings don’t even cover the mortgage? Would I be entitled to any benefits? If we had to sell and split the equity, I wouldn’t be able to afford anything anywhere near our area and the kids’ schools.

I feel so sad for my kids that I’m even having to consider this…

He earns £100k a month?

@anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled yes you’re right - I just didn’t want it to come across that I’m one of those mums who spends her time getting her nails done while DH slogs his guts out!! It’s certainly not like that. In fact, the things I’ve had to deal with re the kids over the years, he just would not have handled well at all and I’ve really felt the strain at times.

Interesting to hear your DH was similar. Is that why you split?

I hate that this all comes down to money but thanks for all the advice, everyone.

And to the PP that asked - no he doesn’t earn 100k a month! That’s his yearly pay. I appreciate my OP wasn’t clear!

You’ll be expected to seek full time work and maximise your income. He may be required to pay spousal but likely to only be a couple of years to help support you back to that and be very limited - he’s unlikely to have to pay spousal to top up your part time / freelance lifestyle.

re housing a court is unlikely to agree a mesher based on

1. your age of children and tying up ex capital for long period of time
2. the amount of equity available- meaning you’d have large deposit or could rent which is deemed acceptable
3. your inability to pay the mortgage and bills

of course if you can agree between you things could work out but if not I think a Court ruling would not be likely to agree this.

however, there are many factors involved abc you’d need to understand pensions etc as well to understand total pot.

How would someone take on a £300k mortgage on their own whilst working freelance. Spousal maintenance isn't really a thing anymore and if op's ex chose to have the kids 50:50 there would be no CM. To stay in the house op would need to be able to buy her ex out of his share.

If you sell and split the equity and your share is more than 16k then you would not be eligible to claim any Universal credit. If the equity was being put into another property then it can be disregarded for a period of time.

You’ll need to work full time. You really need a pension too.

Mediation is the best way forward if it's amicable. He might be willing to pay the costs if he is decent about it. They will guide you through all the decisions. Choose a family lawyer mediator so they are clear on legal precedent.

You can look on the CMS calculator/ entitled to website to get an idea of what child maintenance might look like depending on the number of nights you have the children. Also if they are teens, mortgage companies will not factor it in if you are looking to increase mortgage capacity to take over mortgage of the family home.

I didn't pursue spousal as I wanted a clean break but was told I could have pushed for it.

Then CB on top.

I earn more than you working full time but still within the range to qualify for some UC. Just. Only because of dependents.

Your biggest issue is the mortgage as that's not something you can manage alone and I'm guessing you might be over your housing needs so I'm guessing you would need to downsize and obtain a mortgage on your income. You might get a larger equity share on the house given the income disparity/ lack of mortgage capacity. You should also get 50% of pensions, assets and savings as a minimum but if classed as needs based because of income disparity this could move more in your favour.

Financially things are more difficult but my goodness it was worth it for the peace I have now (it is bliss!) and I'm
More comfortable than I expected as court went in my favour. My ex was anything but amicable though and it was a horrendous protracted process.

Exactly this. OP would need to either extend the mortgage to do buy him out, or fork out half the equity plus take on the £300k mortgage. Either option requires the lender to assess it as being affordable for the OP, which by the sounds of it (solo, freelance/variable income) they certainly wouldn’t approve anyway.

The house would need to be sold, equity split (how it would be split would depend on the financial settlement, OP could get more equity for DH to keep pension for example) but it would be a change of lifestyle for sure.

Be realistic: chance of securing more than 50% of assets and spousal and cms and being able to keep fmh are v v slim.

so if, eg you aim
for 60% of assets then you’d drop spousal claim. If wanting 60% of ssets you might try 70% of equity but trade higher share against less pension etc

but yes, both your lifestyles will be financially harder and most likely your only cms in terms of ongoing monthly payments. Your housing needs are also the same as he will require somewhere to live with the children too

how cheap is the cheapest 2 bed flat near you? And how much would your circa £125k divorce settlement buy you? You would get more cash if he has a lot of money in pensions as you are also entitled to half of that. You can take half the pension or the cash equivalent which might be best for you short term.

i know you want to stay in the house but I got a new house when I divorced as I knew that maintaining, running and paying a mortgage on a 4 bed detached home when divorced was unrealistic on my salary. My 3 bed semi is now affordable

Btw you’re not entitled to 50%

you’re entitled to a fair share of marital
assets. Which could be 50% but could be more or less

Current house is a 3 bed semi. Cheapest 2 bed locally would be about 250k.

The only thing I can think that might help is getting a mesher order but this is only if it's in the best interest of the children. It delays the sale of the marital home if selling right now is not in the best interest of the family (says more here about that - https://iamlip.com/financial-terms-financial-court-orders-explained/) but not sure how easy it is to get.
Ultimately, you should do what's best for you and your kids. If staying in this marriage is not healthy for you mentally then you know what you need to do. I will say though, the more amicable the better. Divorce is already an emotionally draining process and in-fighting only makes it much worse and delays the process. So it's great that you think there's potential for it being amicable. This link may also help you too for before you start the process - https://iamlip.com/help-guides/pre-divorce/

Sounds like you’re in the SE. You won’t be able to afford a property so will need to rent. Will need to use your money until it runs to a low enough level to claim housing benefit.
Happened to a friend. She had about 100k but just had to spend it on rent.

I'm sorry to hear you find yourself in this situation OP - it sounds very tricky.

I think in your shoes I would play a long game for now. Develop a strategy to put yourself in a stronger financial position going forward whilst you're still together - IF you think you can endure the current situation for a while. Make no mention of divorce for now.

Who controls the finances in the household? Your H has a much higher salary, but do you both have access to the family pot?
If so, I would start the following:

Open an online bank account in your name only, and a savings account known only to you. Build up an emergency fund.
If things turn very sour and you need to leave quickly, or the situation becomes untenable, you will have easy access to online banking facilities, and savings to tide you through an immediate or short term crisis. Never rely on a spouse to behave reasonably and fairly - they might but sadly they often don't!

Open a SIPP (self invested pension) in your name, and start making contributions from the family pot. You can contribute up to the level of your net annual income and receive the tax relief on top.

Pay down the mortgage as quickly as possible and any joint debts. It will give you a greater amount of equity to share out from the property when you split.

Make copies of all financial documents/ statements of income, savings, pensions, and other assets and keep these updated regularly.

Open and/or start topping up your DC's JISAs. This at least will be protected from any protracted financial negotiations in the future.

Increase your hours and income where possible, to build your credit rating and improve your own credit score. Ensure your income is not paid directly into a joint account, but move it over from a secondary account in your own name.

Research online resources on divorce. Book a session with a solicitor (online or by phone to keep costs down). Find out the likely outcome of financial agreements so you are forearmed with the knowledge you need.

How would someone take on a £300k mortgage on their own whilst working freelance. Spousal maintenance isn't really a thing anymore and if op's ex chose to have the kids 50:50 there would be no CM. To stay in the house op would need to be able to buy her ex out of his share.

@Babyroobs I'm not suggesting she does. I'm saying she can afford a divorce but would have to adjust expectations - ie she might have to get a much smaller property or or a fixer upper or rent, but people do it. It's clear OP can't stay in the house, the majority do end up selling.

Spousal isn't as common but you can still request it, and I do have a friend who was awarded in recent years, not much different earnings on her DH's side, maybe slightly higher.