Alcoholic husband, I'm stuck

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Hello all. I really am at a total loss as to what to do and I hope I can get some real life advice from parents who have been through this.
My husband is totally taken over by alcohol. He stopped working in early covid, said his mental health wasn't right and needed a small breather. He already was a problem drinker then, but now is dependent I think.
We are now nearly 3 years later and his drinking is so bad. Last year we went to the GP, referred to local therapy/counselling. He's adamant he has ADHD or something. But they wouldn't do much as he was actively drinking. He saw the local drug and alcohol team, who advised he shouldn't stop flat, but should just sip at low alcohol to avert withdrawal. He said that won't work, if he has one he has to get drunk.
So it becomes everyone else's fault why he can't stop. Which I know works for him, as it "allows" him to keep drinking as "no-one will help him".
He drink drives all the time, smokes weed, and I work, come home and he's drunk, house a tip etc.
We have a DD11 and DS15, DD just diagnosed with an autoimmune condition that affects her bones and causes her really bad pain. She doesn't really like been around her dad (obviously) and so all her care falls to me. Well, all the kids care from birth has been down to me.
His family live over 150 miles away, his dad just passed away (more reasons to drink) and I have no friends left really as his drinking caused me so much embarrassment.
I know i need to end this relationship, for the kids more than anything else. I just don't know where to start. We are in a HA joint tenancy, I'm in debt up the yingyang thanks to him.
I hate coming home after work, to see what I'm walking in to. I hate how he is when he's drunk, I say I'm a verbal hostage as I'm damned if I say anything and damned if I don't. The next day it's as if nothing happened and I'm expected to just forget the fact he drove paralytic and was so drunk he couldn't hold a conversation even if I'd wanted to. And then it will happen all over again later in the day. Hes not violent, but he is intimidating and it scares me.
If you've made it this far, thank you. It helped just getting it down on a page. Any advice, legal/tenany or any encouragement is desperately needed.

Thank you all so much, just knowing that there are such lovely people out there has helped so much. So he hasn't had a drink since Sunday, he is just going to get his prescription from the GP to help with his inevitable withdrawal. But we've been here before so I am obviously sceptical. I'm going to talk to him later, set out my expectations of him, now he has been sober for a couple of days. I will be telling him that the next time I get in from work and he is intoxicated, he'll be out. The next time he drives under the influence, I will call the Police myself and he'll be out. He needs to attend some sort of support group in our area and he needs to be present within the family, sober. I feel stronger having read everyone's replies to my initial post, I have benn given so much fantastic advice and places to go to help us, should this sobriety attempt go South (which I'm well aware it probably will) and will be proactive in getting some things in place now, should this happen.

He gets PIP and we get UC, all to his bank. I have access to it, when there's any there..all the ppl he knows smoke, and most are also big drinkers, but they're mostly single and so it doesn't matter to them really how they're drinking...

His family are blinkered. His ex brother in law was an alcoholic, ended up in a halfway house and got beaten to death. They can't see that he's no different. He's never had to take accountability for anything in his life, his Mum in particular is terrible for overlooking his bad behaviours, from being a teen right up to now. So now he has a problem only he can deal with, he can't. He's never had to do it before. No magic wand for this. They all know he has a drink problem, and yet when we visit, they make a joke about it, let him drink ridiculous amounts at family gatherings etc...and when it does get brought up it's minimised

Alcoholism is normalised in dysfunctional families. Everyone thinks they're not as bad as so-and-so. If someone has a problem as a result of their drinking, the others will step in to "support" them. If they left them to face the consequences of their actions then they might have to face up to their own drinking habits.

I'd a relative who lost their driving licence due to drink driving. Rather than be shocked, the extended family was all "poor xyz, how unlucky to get caught, everybody does it". They arranged lifts for xyz to & from work for the duration of the ban, they never had to get a bus.

I grew up with an alcoholic father (& narc "mother", but that's another story). The damage done has been lifelong. As a child, it is terrifying to live in that environment, with no means to escape what should be a safe space but isn't.

You need to get your kids out of this situation ASAP, they are learning that horrendously alcoholic behaviour is normal and acceptable, setting them up to be either abusive or abused in adulthood.

Kindly OP, there is likely something in your own background that has kept you tolerating the abuse. If someone has been brought up in a family that isn't dysfunctional, they are more likely to reject toxic behaviour, whereas if it has been "normal" for someone all their life, they will stay in a situation that is completely unhealthy. It would be worth your seeing a therapist if possible to help you see where it's OK for you to have, and enforce, boundaries.
This is no life for you or your precious children.

May not see this but wondered how you’re getting on?

In a very similar situation and hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel

Me too, Zennay. Please feel free to each out to me via message! It’s so hard

Please contact the police the next time he is intimidating or wild even if he is drink driving to get all of this recorded.

You and the children are most important so he needs to come.out of the property which I'm sure the HA will help with.

I experienced something very similar aged 17 with my mothers live in partner at the time it went on for 10 years we had to get an injunction on him only after he smashed up the living room windows a few days before Christmas and tried to stab my mother/brother during a drunken episode.

It's definitely hard but time to speak with close family and women's support charities to get him out or you all get re homed. Your children are at a very impressionable place atm and it will impact not only their mental health but most likely ability to concentrate at school and emotional part too.

Sending you love and light, it will get better just be proactive and know 2025 will be a new start just get the process started and do not feel guilty he has brought this on himself