Divorce, kids, housing, finances - advice please

[housingplanningquestion]

I'm supporting a family member who is going through mediation. I know she should speak to a solicitor here, but they are poor as church mice, so a steer would be helpful at this point.

There are three children aged 10 and under; husband has moved out and is renting. Wife is in the family home paying the mortgage (cheaper than his rent), she has the kids midweek and eow. The house is worth 500k, has 150k owing on the mortgage. Husband works full time, is paying child support. He would like to sell the house so they can both have £175k. His family is wealthy and would subsidise him; her's aren't and so can't.

If the house was sold, even with the large proceeds, she would not be able to secure a mortgage - she works freelance, very part time from home around the kids, who are quite challenging (with additional needs). So this money would dissipate as spent on rent. He would be able to get a mortgage due to history of full time work and contract etc.

She may be able to buy a place more or less outright with that money, but it would mean relocating to a much cheaper area, moving the kids' schools and further away from their Dad.

Ideally, she and the kids could stay in the family home until the youngest was 18, then sell the place and split the money, and each parent could buy a smaller place. Would a court consider this? Or would it be considered unfairly favouring the wife, to the detriment of the husband?

(There are minimal pensions on each side, both have been low earners. He may have slightly more - haven't got to that stage yet). Thanks for any input!

Mesher orders (house not sold till children are older) are very uncommon these days. Courts like certainty and finality and mesher orders often don’t lead to that (often what was happening was woman would go on to interest only mortgages to keep house and then when it had to be sold there was not enough money for them to rehouse. I can’t see a court being happy to delay a sale for over 10 years.

It’s very difficult to comment on likely split (would not necessarily be 50/50 as he is seeking) court will look at mortgage earning capacity.

If she could demonstrate she could increase her earning capacity over the next few years she may be able to agrue a delayed sale (on basis she could remortgage at that time).

Courts are very keen on shared ownership these days (especially when people can’t afford house in its area). If your family member has low income she might be able to get help with the rent element of the shared ownership via universal credit,

It’s unlikely id say although no one here will know for sure

if they’re under 10 that’s a very long time to tie up his capital. They’ll also expect her to maximise income potentially full time ( depending on additional needs)

she’d also likely be in a very difficult position in 20 years or so time to pay him off with an appreciated value of capital , young adult children still needing housing support but won’t. Be considered and even less years for a mortgage.

adequately housing doesn’t mean owned and courts would consider renting an option

there needs are identical re housing so if she feels it fair for him to rent then it’s ok for her too

she needs to see a solicitor

Btw - a court will not rule her more on the basis his family are wealthy. That’s irrelevant to the split of assets which will be made on basis of needs - of which their housing needs are identical

The mediator should/will guide them. But meeting the needs of the children will be paramount. Mortgage raising ability and income will be taken into account. She will be expected to work more hours/maximise income. It’s also relevant if she gave up or compromised her career to care for the kids.

Your friend is looking to get a mesher order. However for very good reasons this is not seen as good option for either party seeking a divorce in the long term. It’s absolutely right that it is incredibly unfair to the person whose capital is tied up and the other party will be paying off a mortgage to that person’s benefit. It’s not uncommon for the eventual sale to cause exactly the same problems further down the line. Its not always easy to sell up when adult children still rely on the home and you still can’t afford a mortgage.

The justification for a mesher order it is needed to

• To house the children when there isn’t enough capital to fund a deposit or pay rent. This is when the equity in low and incomes (including benefits) are low.
• A move would be detrimental to the children’s education, e.g they are about to take exams or are tied to a school (SEN)
• Allow for a period of adjustment when the low earner is retraining or reentering the workplace.

In this case both parents will have the same housing needs if they co parent. There are many options that can help them to afford properties without continuing to financially tie themselves together. They can arrange their coparenting around work to maximise earnings and minimise child care costs. If home owning is an aspiration they need to be realistic about their incomes and career choices. Or come to peace with the fact they don’t earn enough to own a property- that’s the reality for many people.

In your post you refer to additional needs. What are these exactly? It could make a difference. However it would need to something recognised in court and not a self defined issue.

My person advice is that it is always better to rip the plaster off and move as quickly towards independence as you can. A mesher order is just going to be a running sore within a coparenting relationship.

She also needs to aware that even with a mesher order, she may be asked to demonstrate she can get a mortgage in her own right. This is very likely in this case given the amount of equity.

In the long term maybe your friend should look at changing the PT freelance to something that would mean she could get a mortgage. Because this is what is stopping it being affordable.

Thanks, this is all very helpful.

• Shared ownership could be the way forward
• As could delaying the sale for a year or so to allow her to demonstrate reliable income and so get a mortgage
• I'm hearing you that Mesher orders are not considered favourable these days
• I hadn't realised the house proceeds split could reflect e.g. different pensions, and different earning capacity. Yes she stopped working after the kids, had always worked FT before that. He actively preferred this. One kid has (privately diagnosed) multiple neurodivergence issues, may be getting an EHCP. A more favourable split could make a big difference.

(To those saying it's not fair him renting and her not renting: she'd be happy renting and him paying the mortgage, as long as the house sale was split equally at a later date. But the kids should stay in the bigger house where they can all have their own room. So they'd have to live with the dad, and he says that can't be done as he can't manage them and childcare. So he's the one scuppering that. If he could, she could work more.)

I'm glad she has support from you, divorce is hard enough as it is so it's nice to have others around us supporting us. So thank you for doing that. Definitely look into a mesher order anyway as usually the children are top priority and they need to be housed. I was unable to afford a solicitor either but in case it helps I'll leave here the free guides I used that helped me understand what I could do and what my options were. She can 100% do it https://iamlip.com/
There's also a section with legal case studies that you can refer to that actually might help with her getting to stay in the house with her children if it means that both her and the children are housed and it's the best option for them. I think it's help guide 10 (https://iamlip.com/help-guides/legislation-governing-your-divorce-and-cases-you-can-refer-to-in-your-divorce/) I can't remember but I think the name in the case was Miller in the family finances section of help guide 10.

she has the kids midweek and eow.. The split can matter in terms of share of assets to each parent. Does she have the kids significantly more than he does? This is unclear. Does she have his reply about not being able to do more care in writing like email/message? If she does she should screenshot and back it up. Of course he might change his mind if they go to court and he's looking at getting less than he feels he deserves, but it might be useful to show she's offered other options and he's refusing to do more care.

Any advise help would be grateful. Husband moved away for work 18months ago and originally was coming back weekends. (We have two children 20 & 16 both at home) This fizzled out due to work commitments and gradually increased to not coming back -sometimes it would go weeks. He was still paying for everything…..He then became unwell with high blood pressure and depression which has led to him now being mentally unstable unable to work to pay for anything. However because of his lack of communication and telling me to move on, it has come to the point this week that I have discovered he has not been paying most things for quotes sometime. Putting me in the position to sell our home to pay the mortgage arrears etc. I have lost 4.5lb in weight since Wednesday😭😭😭😭😭. I would just like as much advice help I can get as possible.

Suggest you start your own thread rather than using this one.