Financial agreement and "need" re children

[Downandout43]

I am trying to sort finances with my exDH. He is trying to take as much as he possibly can.

We have 2 children together aged 12 and 10. I also have two older children aged 19 and 17. He wants the younger two 50/50.

Based on this, would I have more "need" for a bigger share of the house, as legally I have more children? Does an adult child (19 year old) count?

I think he is going to argue he needs to house the big children too as he does consider them all his. Yet is not paying maintenance or anything else for the 17 year old at present...

Thanks

Adult child does not count.

Is the 17 year old his?

If your 19 yo is in full time education they count..

19 year old is working. Well she's starting an apprenticeship but has worked in between.

17 year old is not his.

As far as I know, the older child isn’t taken into account for either person as over 18 and, generally speaking, children of the family are any children that have been treated by both parties as theirs. That’s the terminology they use on the D81/form E. So they would take the same number of children into account for both of you, in terms of housing. Unless he isn’t going to have the 17 year old to stay at his? Then that might mean you can argue that you need one more bedroom than he does?
I think the needs would be thought to be the same but then they would look at all your other assets, pensions, earnings or earning capacities, etc and it might divert from 50/50 based on those things.

CM is totally separate from this. He wouldn’t be expected to pay maintenance for children that aren’t naturally his.

No I know he doesn't have to pay maintenance but he's providing nothing to 17 year old despite I guess claiming he counts him as his own.

I don't think 17 year old would want to move between properties and I think he would stay with me.

Thanks for your help.

Once you get to the point of filling out a form E, then a D81 ( for the purpose of a financial consent order) you will need to write all the children down as he considers them to be his and you will want them included on the form so the judge has all the information regarding your needs.
Then you’ve got a section where you can write information such as - he will not be housing the older children moving forward, if that is going to be the case. If your ex earns more, has a larger pension or if you took time out of work to care for the children, you may well receive more than 50% and it may also be considered that you require an additional bedroom. If you’re the higher earner, have more assets, it might go the other way? I would get your information together and have a one off consultation with a solicitor who will give you an idea of what you’re entitled to. You will feel better knowing where you stand and it depends on so many factors, so take as much information as you can regarding finances. Once you know where you stand, you will feel better. My ex told me she’d get 100% then offered about 3%! I felt much better and was able to ignore her claims once I knew that legally somewhere in the region of a 60/40 split was more likely. The solicitor told me the best and worst scenario so we could mediate, knowing where I should stop negotiating. But if I’d been told something much worse, at least I could start planning from there. Ultimately, housing the children will be the first priority although not at the expense of the other party being housed or being able to have the children stay over - this may mean both renting etc. ideally you’ll have housing that is similar.
If your ex has the younger ones 50/50, neither of you can claim child maintenance from the other.

On the face of it, there are 3 dependent children in the family. The 17 year old has lived with his step father since a small child and would be considered a child of the marriage. Is the 17 year olds biological father in the picture, paying CMS or maintaining a relationship?

Both of you have responsibility for these 3 children. This means your housing needs could be considered equal. If the 17 year old doesn’t want a relationship with their step father it could change. But you are both in +-3 bedroom territory. Maybe he could fit in 2 bedroom and you in 3 bedroom. The issue with a 17year old is that will soon be 18 and the clock is ticking on them being a dependent. However if they doing exams this is a good reason to defer a sale, something I would prioritise as a parent.

I agree with everything @LemonTThas said. You need to get something agreed whilst the 17 year old is considered dependent and in secondary education - you could possibly get a sale deferred until their exams are complete, depending on whether your ex is able to house himself in the meantime.

Thank you for the replies. I do earn less than my ex, and I did take time out of working to raise the kids. So hopefully that will work in my favour. I want to buy him out of the house we have now.

He has shares in his company that we purchased with family money, and he has an inheritance. He doesn't want to include these things in the settlement. I do have a higher pension but it was mainly accrued years before I met him so I'm hoping it can be excluded (though it's not huge anyway).

I've got an appointment requested with a solicitor who already gave me 2 free half hours. I've started getting together the 1 million documents for Form E his solicitor has requested.

I did try to suggest an agreement between us but he wants more. I have a Non Mol and Occupation Order and he is very angry with me and wants to punish me.

My 17 year old has another 18 months in sixth form so that's good. He doesn't see his dad but I get minimum CMS for him. He likes his stepdad but doesn't like change so I feel he would stay in my home with me. I hope so anyway.

Your pension will be in the pot
as will the inheritance most likely and the shares

Yeah your pension will be included in the pot - this might give you more info on how it's usually split so you can decide how you want it to go https://iamlip.com/dividing-pensions-and-pension-sharing-orders/
But also you taking time out to take care of the children is very likely to be taken into account