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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Nosy folk - fresh separation

3 replies

Lizay27 · 23/02/2024 07:07

How do you deal with extremely nosy people /colleagues when you go through separation?

I live in a tiny place, where everyone knows everything and I have a few colleagues at work who know that I am now a single mum but they ask sly questions to get it "straight from the horses mouth". I absolutely hate this. I would rather they came straight out and said I heard you and ... split!

Instead its targeted questions. Similarly my boss, who has several friends in common, told me that he overheard my child talking about being separated and then checked in on me - cause he had to. This is about 4 months post separation. I said to him "I am sure you were well aware of this 4 months ago" and he said yes - his pals work in same company as my ex.

It's not a secret but with these people, who I am not close to, I think it's quite rude and they are also known as the gossipers! I don't see why I should give them the satisfaction of confirmation. They are very negative people and i think as someone who is coming to terms with a new life, it's not very nice. Although I appreciate my boss checking in on me, if he was really concerned he would have asked months ago.

How do you respond to the sly questions that people ask? I actually read somewhere that you should just say "is there a reason you are asking? " but I want to hear how others go about it

OP posts:
peanutbutterkid · 23/02/2024 07:25

You could just tell them, or ask them.

"Are you asking that because you know I am separated?"

That's funny. I live in a small town for decades, everyone knows everyone's business here. You dare not slag off Ann because she will turn out to be Beth's sister & Carl's boss and Dave's best friend who you know because Dave works with Ed at the garage you go to next door do that really cute cafe that Fiona and Beth run and opposite the shop where Ann works; oh, and Ann is married to Ed and their kid Glen goes to school with my kid Harry and Harry quite fancies Isabel who is Ed's niece ... (etc)

I can't go anywhere in town without seeing people that I have chatted to or worked on committees with our kids had school or clubs together, etc. I will miss 2 of my neighbours.

We got divorced last year. we are staying under one roof part time, still, until house sells, 2 young adult kids still here, they have local jobs, xH co-owns a local business .... next door to Julie's sports massage business which I went to other day, Julie's kid Kim went to primary school with my DD Lisa and Lisa was buddies in primary school with Maddy who is Carl's daughter and they live 4 doors down.... I'm just starting to tell local people who are all expressing shock. Ditto at work (which is 20 miles away, none of the same people). Big shock, nobody knew. I must not be exciting to gossip about, lol.

Lizay27 · 23/02/2024 07:43

I loved your reply, made me smile and giggle Smile

OP posts:
MissSmiley · 23/02/2024 08:46

@peanutbutterkid that's hilarious! I live somewhere similar and my ExDH and I had been separated for three years before anyone noticed because we were so discreet

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