Final custody hearing advice

[Bdad]

Hi,
We are due to have a final hearing in May for our daughter. The current CAO states that I have our daughter 6 nights out of 14, while my ex-partner has our daughter 8 nights out of 14. The reason for the final hearing is that I would like a 50/50 custody split, but my ex-partner wants to keep the existing arrangement.

How likely is it that a judge will grant the 50/50 split? Cafcass are no longer involved and have no concerns.

It seems to me that 50/50 should be the norm if there are no concerns.

Appreciate any thoughts from parents who have been in a similar situation.

What’s the reason why it’s not already 50/50 and how long has the current arrangement been in place?

Current CAO was granted December 2023. No reason it didn't go 50/50. They just did what my ex-partner wanted.

So you are arguing over 1 night?

No one on here can answer this it depends on so many things.

Are you really going to court over one night?

why do you think it would make any significant difference to your child?

your child will be very well aware of the dispute and the hostility between you and your ex. That’s the gift you’re giving your child - a view of relationships as battle grounds, and exposing them to this constant uncertainty and stress of court.

This sounds as though it’s all about you and your feelings, because it makes you feel like you’re the less important person if you don’t “get” 50%.

children don’t keep count of the number of days/nights they have with each parent. What they notice is how their parents behave towards each other, and whether they feel secure.

How old is the child? What do they want?

And I’ve just seen that your CAO was only granted in December. So you think you can just have another go because you didn’t get what you wanted?

No, I do not think that the judge will change it to 50/50, I think they will have a go at you for being unreasonable and dragging it all back to court again.

Do yous have set nights each week? That would be more difficult in a 7/7 split. How do you see it working? Is it really worth the extra grief? As pp mentioned it’s more important you get things amicable and your daughter can settle into her new normal without more change.

I was after a completely amicable breakup. Unfortunately, my ex thought differently. I won't go into detail over what my ex did when I asked for a divorce, but following their actions it will be impossible for us to communicate face-to-face ever again (unless cctv is recording). Handovers have to be done via a third party, for example.
My reasoning for wanting at least 50/50 was to mitigate any psychological abuse that my ex may subject our child too. Unfortunately, my ex is very good at telling stories and using all the buzzwords that social services and alike like to hear, so they got their way.

I just believe that if cafcass and social services have no concerns, why should the child spend more time with one than the other?

It's a two week rota. Suggestions have been made regarding how it would work on a 50/50 basis.

3½, so social services won't take her feelings into consideration for a few years yet.
When my ex and I were together my daughter and I were very close as my ex worked long hours and I work from home.
When we split they went on long term sick, which I assume they are still on.

No idea how they'll work it if/when they go back to work.

Did cafcass recommend current schedule? I'm not sure your reason for 50/50 is compelling. You haven't been able to prove your assertions (or else you would have had sole residency).

I would enourage you to take a longer term view. Go ahead with current order and revisit when your child is older.

No, cafcass had no preference.

I am leaning to towards what you've advised to be honest.

It is very difficult to prove my ex would cause any harm, until it's too late, as is often the way.

I'm amazed my ex partner has coped thus far, but I'm glad they are coping - for the sake of our daughter.

I do find it frustrating that 50/50 isn't the norm though.