Mediation or Not?

[MargaritaDancer]

Hi all, looking for any good advice on meditation to do it or not. I'm divorcing my husband due to financial abuse/coercive behaviour. Married 11 years with 1 child. I have instructed my solicitor to go straight to court for splitting assets etc. but now my husband is pushing for mediation to drag it out. He says it's cheaper. My solicitor is concerned he'll have time to hide assets, there's a lot! Around a million. Does he have to disclose all to a mediator like the courts? I feel I'm being coerced again! Any help please would be appreciated. I'm so confused right now!
Any divorce advice re finances greatly received

Mediation is not recommended on coercive control or abuse csses

however, that doesn’t mean you have to go straight to court

yiur solicitor shoujd be requesting you both complete form e and disclose all assets and you’d then have the opportunity to challenge or question. I’d expect at least some attempt at negotiation and agreement before heading to a court situation

what’s your situation? Working? Own pension? What assets are there? Do you have a view of what you think settlement should be? Is that aligned to what your solicitor believes is fair outcome ?

Hi OP

I'm not an expert in this field but I've had sage advice over the years.

I'm so sorry to hear you have been subject to such abuse. It certainly comes in different packages.

Hope you find some help, may I suggest 'legal matters' if you can't find answers here. At a recent court case, I received excellent support and advice from some true professionals.

Good luck

I have my own pension and I work.
I have never been privy to the finances in our marriage. He's controlled everything from the start. I have only recently found documents he'd left out eg pensions, salary, but I have no idea on savings or anything else. I have added everything up that I can find plus the house value. There could be more!

Thank you for your support and advice Martha'sginyard..

it's a stressful time

Your solicitor should be able to scrutinise accounts and transactions to try to eee if they think there are any oddities

tbh if he is hell bent on hiding anything a judge won’t be able to tell that anymore than anyone else. A judge will simply make a ruling on what’s disclosed.

mediation is also a normal first step. It’s not designed to drag it out, rather actually shorten the process as well as reduce costs. Of course, it might not be appropriate but it is standard practice and procedure.

re the £1m. Does that inc house and if so what’s the mortgage remaining? Of is that the figure inc equity only?
even if it goes to court you’ll be expected yo have tried to reach settlement first

I think the court won’t be best pleased if you are there without evidence of trying to work things out either with mediation or solicitor.
They are really there as a last resort if you can’t reach an amicable/fair agreement.

Try the mediation but you ll know by session 2 if it's going to work or not. Abusive partners don't change their stripes.

@Cheesandcrackers thank you for your advice. That's exactly what I have decided to do.

Sounds like a plan OP
Good luck

If you agree to mediation do so on the basis of fully completed form Es before you do so. There is no point otherwise.

Tread carefully; the reason it's not recommended in abuse cases is it's an effective way of revealing your hand before you get to court. Don't be tempted to go in reasonable or assume he will be. It's much more likely he will try and beat you down and find out your bottom line.

If you don't want to then don't. I would also be very wary of him stalling, which will make it easier for him to hide assets, this has just happened to a good friend of mind. You know him best, and know what's likely, so in your case I'd crack on.

Nope, mediation is not used in abuse situations as it leaves you open to more manipulation. If you decide to do it anyway, don't agree to face to face. You can do it in separate rooms with a go between.

I went against advise due to pressure from the other side and did one session, it was awful, achieved nothing and just gave him yet another delaying tactic.

This is why I asked the question initially..I'm worried he'll be able to hide things and manipulate. It's sooooo confusing!

I did mediation with abusive Stbxh. First session we tried normal mediation it was horrible, dragged up a heap of truama, I ended up leaving the room crying multiple times. Second session we did shuttle mediation, it's in seperate rooms so you don't have to deal with them directly, I could stand my ground that way. If you're going to give mediation a go Id find somewhere that does shuttle mediation.

Mediation is cheaper, but it's not suitable for everyone, especially in cases of financial abuse and/or coercive behaviour. Before initiating court proceedings you will need to show that mediation has been attempted or that a mediator has granted you exemption as it would be unsuitable for you.

https://www.mediateuk.co.uk/15-exemptions-to-attending-a-miam/