Financial split, not enough money for 2 lots of adequate housing

[Puttingonmybiggirlpants]

We are at the stage where I need to start thinking about housing post divorce.
I have applied for a contested financial order and I’m still waiting on a date for a first hearing.
house - £400k equity, £50k mortgage outstanding.
stbx : pensions valued £250k
cash savings £80k
£0 debt (not on mortgage)

me: pensions £40k
cash savings £5k
£80k debt including mortgage and student debt

he doesnt see children, doesnt want contact and isn’t paying maintenance due to hiding his income via self employment. I have no idea what his earnings are or how many hours he is working.
I have had to cut my hours right back due to childcare and additional needs meaning I am only earning £4k year plus I get benefits which is my main source of money coming in.
I cannot buy a cheaper house locally, there is nothing on the market which is suitable at a lower price than my current house would achieve.
I cannot raise any further mortgage borrowing due to my very low earnings
he doesn’t want to share pensions so I assume they can be offset by the court? How much do they usually decide to offset?
how is the court likely to see that assets should be divided?
Im really worried that my children are going to be homeless. I can afford the current mortgage but I will struggle to afford anything more than what I am currently paying.

That's crazy. I didn't realise it would be that much. I got divorced 10 years ago and I'm sure the legal bill was only about £2k. My DH currently has an ongoing court battle with his ex over a house and his legal fee is £1200.

If you are in England and move to a different LA with children whose EHCP names specialist provision, they cannot be removed from the school without an equivalent provision being offered ie the new LA cannot insist they leave the school without ensuring they are given a place in another special school. If you moved 200 miles (rather than the short distance mentioned) then they clearly cannot remain where they were and would require a new school or HT until one is identified.

Do not trust what the school tell you. Schools often get the rules on admission wrong.
I would suggest contacting someone like SENSOS for advice (you local group for their SEN might also be able to help).
In general once children have a place at a school they can continue there, as long as they can get there. The transport may be an issue, but one solution can be your relevant LA funding you transporting your own children.
But do get proper advice.

So far I have paid £593 for the divorce application and £275 for the financial
order court application fee.
I have seen a couple of solicitors for free half hours and to get more advice and legal representation it is £300/ £400 per hour. They estimated settling out of court would be a legal bill of £2000 - £3000 plus the court fees if we can agree quickly and amicably. But if it goes all the way to court with solicitors and then a barristers for the final hearing the legal bill will be estimated £20k -£30k.
I just don’t have that kind of money and can’t pay it even if I get a decent settlement because all the money will be tied up in the house or needed towards purchasing a new house.
only people winning will be the solicitors.

@Puttingonmybiggirlpants i was quoted similar for a simple divorce. It’s the financial order that seems to be most costly even if you both agree.

This sounds so stressful for you.

May I ask - why are you taking the initiative and paying for the divorce?
Would a legal separation be more advantageous (and much, much cheaper at £365)? I think this option would enable you to stay in the house with your children - it's in your name, and you say you can manage the mortgage payments. You can make a sole application, and you don't need your husbands co operation or agreement to do it.
Then keep applying for CMS at regular intervals, (and investigate the cost of applying for spousal maintenance).

Wait for your husband to proceed with a divorce - it would enable to you keep your house until the children finish their schooling - then reassess? If he wanted his share of the house in the meantime, he would then have to make his own petition for the divorce, and pay the associated costs.

Moving and commuting is not an option. The children attend specialist schools which they get LA funded taxis to and from each day. There is a massive shortage of specialist places in our borough and we will almost certainly have to move schools if we move house because we will be under a different LA. I have enquired with the current schools and they have said the children would have to change schools if move out of borough. Every child at the specialist schools in recent years who have moved out of borough has had to move school.

I don't think this is correct. It's certainly not the advice we've been given in relation to one of my kids who will be attending a school in a different LA than where we live. Before you just accept this, it's well worth seeking advice from a couple of SEND charities.

My understanding is that if a school is named on a child's EHCP, they can only decline to give the child a place in very limited circumstances. Living in a different LA is not one of those circumstances (according to advice we've received), however they may not be obliged to provide transport.

Definitely seek independent advice on this and don't just trust the school/LA.

Usually the children will be the priority here and if the best thing for them is to stay in the house or otherwise be homeless then I don't think it's likely that the judge will rule that you and the kids need to find a new home. There's some information on that here from past cases - https://iamlip.com/family-finances-of-relationship-legislation/
I can't be of much help with your other questions but as you're representing yourself in your divorce, see if this might help - https://iamlip.com/help-guides/the-court-process-of-dividing-your-marital-assets-finances-and-pensions/ it might help you with how to do it all. I know how hard it feels having done it myself, but you'll be okay.
Maybe if you need, do most of the process yourself and hire a solicitor solely for the parts you feel like you cannot do? But if you don't have the funds for that either, use online resources - they can 100% help you out.
Also try joining some divorce facebook groups - they give great advice and the community is nice when you feel alone in the divorce process.