Ex refusing to agree finances and mortgage ending

[whoosit]

Just wondered if anyone can advise on messy financial divorce stuff. Basically it's been 3 years and I'm still not divorced. I pay the entire mortgage and everything for kids myself with no help from ex. Tried child maintenance but now he has stopped working so get nothing.

Main issue is the mortgage is due to expire in 2 months time, we're no further on from agreeing a financial settlement and he has stopped replying to solicitors letters etc. The whole thing has cost me thousands and I'm in so much debt as a result.

My mortgage is about to revert to variable rate but as he is on the mortgage I don't see how I can arrange a new deal without his consent (which he won't give) and so I'm about to default on the mortgage and risk losing the house where I live with my children. It feels like this is another form of control and he is enjoying knowing this will happen (based on comments he made in family court when I brought this up.)

I can't afford to take him to court and feel like I'm about to drown. Any advice or idea where to go from here would be massively appreciated please. 🫤

I would firstly call the mortgage company and explain the situation, see if you can get a mortgage holiday or could go ‘interest only’ for a while to buy yourself some time. Maybe you could extend the mortgage term - or anything they can suggest to bring the instalments down. My partners ex switched products with the same lender without his agreement, he just got a notification of what had happened (he would have agreed it anyway, but wasn’t asked to). Due to the current financial climate, there is a mortgage charter to help people struggling to make payments, as their current deals come to an end, so your lender should be able to help you. Mention the charter when you speak to them.
If it’s a joint mortgage he will be damaging his own credit score if you can’t make the payment as he is jointly liable.
I wouldn’t send any more solicitor's letters but would file Form A and represent yourself, if necessary. Filing it will probably force him to respond. Look up the Legal Queen podcasts - she gives loads of advice for doing this yourself, especially when people are in your situation with no response from the other side. He has to respond to the court. Good luck.

Sorry to sound harsh but things shouldn’t really be going on for this long or things were bound to come to a head. It also sounds if it’s been 3 years that one or both of you are probably not being realistic or reasonable.

What is the current situation with negotiations? What are you asking for and what is he asking for?

Under no circumstances would I go ahead and ask to be put on another deal on mortgage without exs permission as this is financial fraud and he could report you to the police imo. My partners ex did this, it was discovered and I had someone in finance I know tell my partner to consider pressing charges.

Going on a mortgage holiday may be different but again may require his consent but best call the mortgage company and ask what can and can’t be done with 1 persons consent. What is your ex likely to agree to?

Hmm - if there is a dispute like this then actually a mortgage company can put the mortgage on an available fixed rate as long as the other party isn't financially disadvantaged by it (ie it's lower than the alternative rate.) Speak to them.

@StedeBonnet Yes, exactly that. My ex’s partner was put onto a different product than the standard variable rate, that benefitted both financially. Maybe a tracker. It wasn’t a product they were tied into, nor did it come with an early repayment fee. It was just to support them while the finances were agreed. It clearly wasn’t fraud because it was suggested by the mortgage company in relation to the fact that the house was being put up for sale but they’d already come to the end of their deal. My partner was informed of the product they’d been put on as their mortgage deal came to an end but he wasn’t asked to agree it or to sign anything. Seeing as it was a financially better deal and there were no clauses which disadvantaged him, what would there be to disagree? I’m not suggesting that the OP gets tied into something with an early repayment fee (and am not sure she’d be able to without her husbands consent) but the lender may be able to suggest some options that allow her to meet the repayments until the situation is sorted. They must deal with this sort of thing all the time.

Best speak to the mortgage company and be honest with them. Personally from experience I'm not convinced you can change products without ex's permission, I think you may just be put on the variable rate but there is only one way to find out.

Re what's not to like, well you have to consider the other party's viewpoint too. I don't know the exact circumstances, but the other party may be thoroughly fed up of being stuck on a mortgage for 3 years and not be willing to agree to any changes because of the length of time that has passed. Heels get dug in when things are dragged out for years.

I know when my partner's ex switched to another deal without his knowledge or consent, he complained to the mortgage company and it was stopped right away so being up front and honest with all parties is the best way forward.

You need your facts. What are the reasons for the divorce being so delayed? How far apart are both of your expectations?

I'm so sorry, going through a divorce is hard enough by itself let alone with someone like that. In case it can help lighten the financial load, see if this might help - it's definitely possible to do your divorce yourself without having to pay the extortionate solicitors' fees, I had to do it myself with free help guides online as using a solicitor was just not in my budget. https://iamlip.com/ It can give you information on what your options are and what you can do. I know some who used also this alongside hiring solicitor so they could save money by doing some of it themselves e.g. forms, but it's up to you x

It's not right that people have to pay such high amounts, so I hope this can help x

Really the position you have drifted into is untenable. Obviously you are not going to be able to sit down and agree finances. Letting it drift to this point was always going to be risk if you cannot afford the cost after the current deal lapses.

Even if he doesn’t engage 3 years is a long time and sufficient to have taken this case to a court to get a decision on how assets are going to be divided. Have you started the process yet? It cannot be avoided unless you want to let this get messier. If he isn’t working and you cannot afford the mortgage, then you won’t get a new deal. Payment holidays are expensive and if you have no plan on what to do next then you are just piling on more costs.

File Form A to start proceedings and represent yourself. The sooner you do this, the better.

Speak to your mortgage company and explain to them that your ex has left, does not contribute towards the mortgage, and refuses to communicate with you. Banks now are clued up about financial control/abuse (some are better than others) so I would mention these key words when you speak to them. They can help.

Also speak to a debt charity.

You have to take back control in order to free yourself from this situation which he is most likely enjoying right now. Where’s the incentive for him
to sort anything out?