Help wanted please- struggling

[Rubystar78]

Hi everyone

I was hoping I could get some advice to my really stressful situation.

My husband left the family home a year ago and now lives in rented accommodation and continues to work full time and I work part time. We have 3 children aged 16, 11 and 4 and they spend around 50% of the time with him.

He pays around £300 pm to help towards costs but this plus my income is not enough to cover the mortgage and I've fallen into arrears and the mortgage lender has now threatened to reposses my home. I'm doing my best to work as many hours as I can but I am still struggling financially and emotionally.

My husband is pressuring me to sign the online divorce forms for a clean break, as he has a large pension that he's told me I'm not entitled to because he was the one that worked for it. Because I have worked part time while bringing us the children, my pension is a fraction of his.

I have suggested mediation to him so we can agree on the home and pension moving forward but he's refusing to agree to this and just wants me to sign the divorce.

I can't afford to pay solicitors fees and I just want some help/advice on what to do? Has anyone been through the same thing?

Thanks in advance

DO NOT sign anything without legal advice. He seems to be pressuring you.

you are entitled to his pension as you are married and not able to build yours up due to caring responsibilities.

you need to sort out finances via a consent order if he wants a clean break- the judge won’t sign off if there is a huge difference in pension. That’s what’s happened to me.

does your husband pay child maintenance or just £300 a month for bills? Who is going to keep the family home? You both will have rights on it- that needs to be addressed in consent order too

Just £300 for bills and children. Our youngest is disabled and he's asking for half the DLA. Is this right?

He said I could have the house but he's still named on the mortgage

Well, as long as you are in mortgage arrears his credit score is also plummeting, so of course he wants a clean break. That said, you need a good credit score to move on from him so this can’t continue. Unfortunately the house needs to be sold or one buy the other out, however this is all part of the financial settlement that is part of the divorce.
You can’t afford NOT to get legal advice now. You may be able to find a solicitor who will accept payment from your final settlement after the divorce is finalised. Contact some solicitors and ask if this is an option.
Good luck, OP.

Completely agree

you need legal representation and do not agree to anything. He’s pressuring you to get what he wants but do not give in- do what’s right for you and the kids.

sell the house if needs be- you can find another home and it may put you in better situation. I don’t think you can remove him from mortgage without his written authorisation.

you will need a financial consent order

The mortgage is in both your names so it's not in his interests to have this go into default and the house repossessed. Get the house on the market asap and tell him you need to have assistance to pay the mortgage for the time being or call the mortgage company and explain and agree a temporary lower monthly payment.
Call a bunch of solicitors and see if any will take a payment from the final settlement as you should not agree to his suggested clean break on the face of it. The pensions need balancing and you may be better off selling the property and getting something smaller. It depends on what the mortgage is and how it all works out. You also need to sort out arrangements for kids etc.

You need a solicitor, even if you do part of the divorce yourself. Only a solicitor can sit down and give you an idea of what is a reasonable financial settlement.

How long were you married? If medium or long term marriage it may not be unreasonable for split of assets to be 55:45 in your favour if you have been working part time raising the kids. You might even be able to ask for a bit more - you need to see a solicitor to find out what is reasonable.

Marital pot assets are both your pensions, equity in house, other assets like cars, and savings prior to split all totted up. You come up with that figure and work from there.

Re mediation that’s a great idea as brings things to a head - get some record on email or electronic form that you’ve invited him to that and keep a record of it. It would look bad on him if it goes to court and he has refused, as people are expected to go to mediation.

Under no circumstances would I be signing anything in your position until I had seen a solicitor or been through whole mediation process. Could you get a manageable bank loan to help cover some solicitors costs?

Call your mortgage provider and ask for a payment break or move to interest only or an extension of term etc to reduce your monthly payments. Do not bury your head in the sand here

repossession will not be a good outcome fir either of you

You will be entitled to share if assets including pensions.

Thank you every one appreciate your advice.

I''m on a payment plan with the mortgage lender and they are going to reasses things in 6 months time.

We were married for 8 years, together for 20 years. I can't afford solicitors fees and I'm not sure I can apply for a loan with the bad credit I have due to mortgage arrears.

He is wrong about the pension.

Assuming you are in England all assets are in the pot.

As there are children the needs of the children are put first. As you have agreed to 50:50 then there wouldn't normally be any child maintenance payable.
(That's if he is actually doing 50:50)

Then both sides would ideally be housed and the assets split.

As there are children, and from the ages of the children this has clearly been a long marriage, the starting point would normally be 50:50.

So this would mean you get 50% of the total pension pot and 50% of the house.

Sometimes the house is sold and that means it is converted into cash so both parties can buy their own (usually smaller) home. Sometimes one side takes over the mortgage and buys the other out by giving them cash for their 50%.

If he has offered for you to keep the house and him to keep his pension this might not be a fair offer.

Cross post with length of marriage.

As you were married 8 years and together 20 the courts would take this into consideration and it would be considered a long marriage.

This means that 50:50 would be a considered a fair starting point in court.

Don't sign anything from him as it is likely he is trying to make sure you have less than you are actually entitled to.

If he won't go to mediation then I would suggest adding up the total assets, dividing by two and making him an offer.

This may help give you a little more insight into what happens to pensions during a divorce/what you can do. https://iamlip.com/dividing-pensions-and-pension-sharing-orders/
Solicitors are way to expensive right now, they shouldn't be costing an arm and leg just to help us get divorced. See if any of these free guides can help you figure out what you want to do/what you can do. It will save you money to do it yourself, or at least help you in the long term to understand what your options are right now. https://www.iamlip.com/

Definitely don’t sign anything. He may have worked for the pension but you sacrificed yours because you were working less hours looking after children you’re born responsible for.