Help me understand needs!

[Nimbus1999]

Wife - Has increased hours from part time to full time since split. Was working part-time for a number of years to look after the children.

Has a mortgage capacity.

50% equity would mean enough to buy 2 bedroom property or a very small 3 bedroom property with the 4 children having the bedrooms and wife sleeping in lounge.

If renting, monthly rent exceeds affordability (higher than mortgage repayments) so would have to use equity to pay monthly rent eating into equity.

No other assets and 10k pension.

Husband - Was always a higher earner but has left job. Currently self employed with no income (as per filed accounts).

No mortgage capacity. Unable to buy.

50% equity would mean enough to rent. As “no income” equity will have to be used to fund rent.

Possible savings and £200k pension.

Childcare 50/50 for a few months, prior to that wife primary carer.

What would be a fair split?!

Also, I don't know enough about how it works, but actually, as you sacrificed financially during your marriage, I'd think there's an argument in court that you deserve a greater share of the assets as your long-term earning potential has been negatively impacted by your years looking after the children.

what does your solicitor say? Have ou got a good one?

Like someone else has said, you really need to be looking and counting 50% or 60% of pot, not 50% of house equity. Your ex can't deny you half the overall pension value.

If he does, you need to work out if it is worth pushing it to court. I was advised it would cost 30k to take things to court all the way, so it wasn't worth it in my case, but you may find the difference in £ means it's massively worth it in your case.

Sorry to keep labouring this point, but have you totted up....

Total Pot:

• your pension value (you both need CETV valuations),
• his pension value,
• house equity value,
• both savings (prior to split),
• both car values prior to split,
• any other assets like expensive watches etc....

• Do your sums, tot that all up, then calculate what is 50%, what is 60%.

• If he won't do financial disclosure, I'd push for mediation - if he refuses, it looks very bad on him. It may be worth going for judge led mediation (although pricey) it may give him a reality check and they won't put up with anyone refusing financial disclosure.

Also the longer you are in the family home, the better your negotiating position, although house prices may be falling now so that could be a gamble.... You may be better off selling asap and you may be in an ok situation in a year in any event if you can get 10% or 20% off elsewhere perhaps.. but it's anyone's guess. Imo your negotiating position becomes weaker imo once you've moved out of the family home.

Sorry - yes I mean 50% equity and 50% pension. I guess that’s what he means! I think he knows he can’t offer me 50% house and none of the pension. I hope so anyway!

I’m taking into account the total pot, house equity, my pension, his pension, I have no savings or other assets and presumably he has a business value / unspent redundancy who knows.

House is being sold as the repayments will cripple me when the fixed period runs out. Happy for the house to be sold.

Mediation was deemed unsuitable.

Representing myself in court but hard to know what is reasonable and fair and what isn’t.

I’m happy with 50% of total pot (now that 50/50 childcare, before it was a different situation as he didn’t look after them a lot).

He’s got the family car and I don’t have transport. Hoping to argue for similar value cash to buy a car as it’s a nightmare with 4 children!

If you are happy with 50% of total pot then that is obviously and visibly fair and reasonable and will be seen as such.

You then need to work out yourself how much pension you are prepared to trade in order to get the type of house you want.

Then you can make an offer to your H either via court or whatever means and see how it goes.

What a dick he is.

in court he will be expected to maximise his earning capacity- running a business that makes nothing is not doing this.

DO NOT accept less than you’re entitled to because he’s a poor excuse of a man. Have you seen a solicitor? If you can’t do mediation then was there dv? If so then you can apply for legal aid and see one for free. If not I still think it would be worth seeing one even if you put it on a credit card.

The mumsnet divorce board is known for supporting crap husbands and spouting untruths. Don’t let them frighten you into giving in to bullies. Stay strong.

Alot of divorce is negotiation. Now it seems your ex is making his own choices and that by sticking to 50% he could be denying your kids a more stable home with that decision. If I were you, I'd be asking for 60% with a view to perhaps agreeing to 55% in a worst case scenario.

Your ex can't just take the family car and give you no share/value for that. You are entitled to atleast 50% of that.

Are things already going to court then?

People are usually expected to attempt mediation from what i have read, and there is shuttle mediation if dealing with abusive exes.

Certainly nothing can be agreed before full financial disclosure.

Personally, I would find a solicitor. Even if you represent yourself, you will benefit from professional advice re precedent and what's "normal" in terms of how much weight would be given to the fact that you didn't work for a while or that he is now self employed. That will allow you to make a better decision on what to ask for and what to argue in court.

The car is an asset so of course you should add it to the list and/or propose a solution that mitigates for that.

A solicitor will be better placed to advise on this but I think it's the assets at the time you separated, not on divorce? But I'm definitely not sure. I understood it though as a way to create a date at which you split the assets and to discourage wild spending during the negotiation phase?

Even with 50/50 childcare, assuming that mediation is not appropriate due to abuse or refusal to engage, I'd also be considering how you define that 50/50 split. One thing I see a lot of women complaining about is that their ex gets 50/50 custody but they (the women) are still hit with a lot of the bigger expenses - uniform, childcare, phones, after school activities etc because he just refuses to pay them or contribute. So I'd be adding that to any court discussion of how things are going to happen going forward.

I wouldn't assume anything. Any offer he's making, needs to be clearly and specifically spelled out before you accept it.

Also, re the 50% childcare - is he doing this already? Reliably? Consistently? Becuase if he's not, you'd have a strong case for "well, he says he wants 50% care but in real terms...." Similarly, and of course, it may well be that this is not true, if he IS having 50% care but, for example, he consistently gets them to school late or refuses to allow them to have playdates or attend parties during his time or whatever, I'd think in court you could argue that you have always been the children's primary carer and you feel strongly you should remain so.

Nesting is not an option. We are pretty much NC. I don’t want to be tied to him with another house. I have to have a clean break.

You’re right. By “everyone” I mean the kids having a bit more space when they’re with me. I’d still be on the sofa (2 wouldn’t get on sharing). He doesn’t have any desire to buy (or so he says) so I’d like to think the equity would give him enough money to rent a suitable sized property until either (a) his business starts earning decent money or (b) he gets a full time job again and can get a mortgage.