Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Please help

8 replies

Lucy789321 · 18/02/2024 10:05

My husband is an addict, I'm not sure what at the moment but has been alcohol / crack cocaine in the past. I bought my house before I met him but he has paid the mortgage for 10 years while I have been bringing up our child, being his carer and suffering with ME/CFS. I am now well and working but not well paid after break and can only do school time as am the only caring responsible parent.
He has autism and mental health problems, I have all the money but have to slowly give money back to him 20-60 pounds a day. He tries to control my spending but does not stop me spending on classes etc for my child. He is unpleasant and steals from the house, from me and my child. Sold my jewellery, engagement and wedding rings, and child's electronics. I just want him to leave my home. He won't. He is not usually physically aggressive, but I have ended up with bruises, he uses away from the home, doesn't come back for days. My child despite all this is doing well and loves her home. She makes my life liveable. I try and be a good enough parent for 2.
He threatens to smash up my car so I can't get my child to school. When I've asked for help I just get a visit from social services to investigate me. They decide I am capable of looking after my child. My friends don't know what to say, it's all too awful for anyone to deal with. I am a good person and used to have a great job and I can't believe this is my life. I do not love him anymore and would be happy if I never saw him again. But he is my child's father and I would be scared of her going to his home if he got one. I don't trust him to keep my child safe. I decided to keep going to keep an eye on him but it is unbearable and damaging my child. What to do for the best? I am done with trying to help him. His problems wore me out. I don't have relatives near or friends we can stay with. My child wants to stay in her home.

OP posts:
Lucy789321 · 18/02/2024 12:07

No one?
So I am as stuffed as I feel?

OP posts:
Soozikinzii · 18/02/2024 12:19

I think you can contact Refuge for advice about this . If not I'm sure they will point you in the right direction. I follow the legal queen alot on Facebook and instagram and she's brilliant on stuff like this . Hope you get some more information soon . Keep strong .

MillshakePickle · 18/02/2024 12:19

I'm sorry you're going through this. I did t want to read and run.

The only advice I have would be practical advice. Speak to social services or maybe a solicitor see if you can have his parental rights suspended? Not sure if that's a thing in the UK. If it isn't it should be!

Make sure the school know not contact him and he's not collect dc.

File a complaint with the police as well. He sounds abusive and trying to feed his addictions. He's stealing from ypur you and your home.

Speak to your gp and see if there is any counselling available to you.

Speak to woman's aid and see of they can help offer you a path out, that will keep both of you safe. They will have dealt with these situations before and at the very least sign post you to the right places.

Record everything! Keep all evidence you have.

I'd like to say stop giving him money but it sounds like it might be dangerous for you not to.

I've probably not been much help at all. Stay strong and take steps to protect you and your daughter

mitogoshi · 18/02/2024 12:23

You need to file a formal domestic violence report to the police, women's aid can offer advice. Do you own the house only in your name? In which case seek advice on how you can legally change the locks.

The police can act, the courts can prosecute but you need specific advice on how to go about it to make sure charges stick

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 18/02/2024 12:25

Also get an occupation order asap.

if you are married it’s a bit more complicated than just changing the locks.

Lucy789321 · 18/02/2024 12:31

We are married, house just in my name. I've been recording everything for a while. Thank you everyone. I will work through your advice.

OP posts:
Lucy789321 · 18/02/2024 12:32

I will stay strong. I would fight tigers for the good of my child

OP posts:
BestieNo1 · 18/02/2024 21:32

Stay strong xxxxx

New posts on this thread. Refresh page