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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex not having children when CO ssays

39 replies

Mnbvcxzlkhgfds · 15/02/2024 15:30

Ex has court order with EOW pick up school on Friday and keep until Monday morning drop at school.

This weekend he just wants to pick them up on Sunday morning because he’s busy on Saturday!( why has he planned something on the weekend he should have the kids) He doesn’t live in the same city as the kids so can’t have them on the Friday. He hasn’t asked if it’s okay. He’s texted: is it my weekend to have the kids? I can pick them up on Sunday because I’m busy on Saturday and won’t get to (kids hometown) until late on Saturday. 😡

ex gets a court order to see the kids but isn’t committing to it. I’m mad because he’s not coming and he can just expect me to do extra. How can you coparent someone who is unreliable? How do you document when he comes and how much time he spends with them? I’d like to have proof of him being inconsistent in case I need it in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mnbvcxzlkhgfds · 15/02/2024 20:27

If I didn’t go to pick them up he’d ask my parents to go. He can let me or the kids down and talk to me like dirt and they’ll support him. 🙄

I only have one primary aged child who needs collecting from school but I wouldn’t leave her behind mainly for the teachers who deserve to get organised and leave early on a Friday. The headteacher knows me and the children really well and they have a copy of my court order. I’m sure I can ask them to document whenever Dad is a no show. Thanks for that suggestion to document it that way.
He doesn’t pay maintenance as I’ve mentioned he has money and there’s a trust fund in place for kids’ expenses. I ask for support for 26 weekends a year but I’ll put in a claim for tomorrow and Saturday’s expenses.
it isn’t okay that he doesn’t turn up but I don’t want my kids to suffer the consequences of his actions. Hopefully they’ll see he’s not reliable as others have said.
It is very frustrating. I don’t have plans for the weekend but I can see me cancelling plans in the future because of him.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 15/02/2024 20:38

Valtine2 · 15/02/2024 15:42

Tell him you will take him back to court!

What on earth do you except the court to do put him on the naughty step?

Valtine2 · 15/02/2024 20:40

@WandaWonder plenty of people ho back and fourth to court what do you mean? Myself included and it worked for me! I obviously don't know OP nor her ex... was just suggesting 😀

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 15/02/2024 20:43

Keep a diary of missed contact

my ex went for EOW and a Wednesday evening. After he saw the children a handful of times in the next couple of years the CO was scrapped and he had to ask me for contact and it was up to me if it was a convenient time or not (he had a habit of only turning up if he knew there would be something I wanted to do with the children)

WandaWonder · 15/02/2024 20:45

Valtine2 · 15/02/2024 20:40

@WandaWonder plenty of people ho back and fourth to court what do you mean? Myself included and it worked for me! I obviously don't know OP nor her ex... was just suggesting 😀

Yes people go to court constantly but no one can force a person to have children if they don't want too

PrincessWildernessOfWherever · 15/02/2024 20:45

Record, record.

Once you have evidence of his failure to turn up for the contact he went to court for, apply for the CO to be changed.

Original poster
Mnbvcxzlkhgfds · 15/02/2024 20:59

WandaWonder · 15/02/2024 20:38

What on earth do you except the court to do put him on the naughty step?

Show quote history

I don’t think he could get any less time with the kids than EOW and half the school holidays - court doesn’t seem like a good idea. Cafcass said to do mediation in their report and the judge said court proceeding so I have no faith in them listening to the needs of the children.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 17/02/2024 21:31

Mnbvcxzlkhgfds · 15/02/2024 20:27

If I didn’t go to pick them up he’d ask my parents to go. He can let me or the kids down and talk to me like dirt and they’ll support him. 🙄

I only have one primary aged child who needs collecting from school but I wouldn’t leave her behind mainly for the teachers who deserve to get organised and leave early on a Friday. The headteacher knows me and the children really well and they have a copy of my court order. I’m sure I can ask them to document whenever Dad is a no show. Thanks for that suggestion to document it that way.
He doesn’t pay maintenance as I’ve mentioned he has money and there’s a trust fund in place for kids’ expenses. I ask for support for 26 weekends a year but I’ll put in a claim for tomorrow and Saturday’s expenses.
it isn’t okay that he doesn’t turn up but I don’t want my kids to suffer the consequences of his actions. Hopefully they’ll see he’s not reliable as others have said.
It is very frustrating. I don’t have plans for the weekend but I can see me cancelling plans in the future because of him.

Honestly I've lost jobs because of my ex fucking infuriating especially when he knows one child has additional needs and he has pretty much aged out of childcare I'm in a bind now

BestieNo1 · 18/02/2024 17:13

HappyAsASandboy · 15/02/2024 18:32

@LilBus I disagree. The kids won't be hurt by being at school an extra 20 mins while calls are made, even if it happens several times.

The trade off for the kids feeling a bit confused or left behind for 20 mins on 3 or 4 occasions is that OP has evidence (in the form of school's records) that ex didn't collect them for his contact time. OP can use this to request the contact order is changed, if she wants to.

Terrible idea. The kids will feel unwanted and Blake themselves. Def do not do this xxx

HappyAsASandboy · 18/02/2024 18:03

@BestieNo1 have you never been late to collect your children from school? That's all they would be aware of.

The adults deal with the rest.

Gymmum82 · 18/02/2024 18:08

SilkFloss · 15/02/2024 15:45

What would happen if you replied to say, "The Court Order YOU asked for states that this is your weekend. You are therefore responsible for collecting them from school on Friday as usual. You should not have made arrangements to be "busy." I am unavailable to help you out on this occasion so you will need to alter your plans."

100% would reply with this

HappyAsASandboy · 18/02/2024 18:14

@SilkFloss this is what I would do too. I think it's the only way to nip it in the bud and avoid years of him messing the kids around (and the OP, obviously).

SpringleDingle · 19/02/2024 10:58

I'd just say ok, I was planning on going away this weekend so will try and change my plans to take the kids. Unfortunately I won't be here for you to collect them on Sunday. You can have them on your next planned contact.

His mucking you about should not be without any sort of consequence.

Galeforcewindatmywindow · 19/02/2024 11:07

Ime a way to gain some control is to get a babysitter... Even a fake one... Oh ex it's fine I will get The Babysitter to have the dc.... He won't be able to stand knowing you have a life and he isn't in The Know.... Worth a try. Or really get one and stop bothering with him. A permanently absent df is better for dc than a flakey fucker.

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