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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband leaving me

12 replies

HappyBear345 · 11/02/2024 09:05

We have 3 young children and my husband has decided he doesn’t love me anymore and wants to separate. He is willing to move out until we can sell the house and split funds and I have no issues with this arrangement and I know he will continue to be in his children’s lives. My issue is this has taken me by complete surprise and I don’t know how to deal with this emotionally? I feel abandoned and isolated as I have no friends and have devoted the past 15 years of my life to him and our children. Any advice welcome on dealing with this emotionally. TIA

OP posts:
Ydkiml · 11/02/2024 09:23

So sorry you are going through this . Please don’t agree to anything in way of finances, house sell , or house split . If this has come out of the blue for you I’m sorry to say but it may be very likely there’s someone else involved . It’s good if he moves out . Try and keep a routine for children and yourself and self soothe. Take time out for yourself every day . Remember, this is a temporary feeling and stage in your life . Everything you feel now will pass in time . Focus on your children’s mental health , stability, and nurture them . And don’t forget yourself x

Getthethrowonthesofa · 11/02/2024 09:26

Hi op, you need to see a solicitor.

cheapskatemum · 11/02/2024 09:34

Getthethrowonthesofa · 11/02/2024 09:26

Hi op, you need to see a solicitor.

This. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this.

Original poster
HappyBear345 · 11/02/2024 09:36

Legal/financial advice not necessary, choosing to leave details out regarding this but I know what I am doing. Just looking for advice on dealing with the heartache whilst still being there for my family x

OP posts:
heldinadream · 11/02/2024 15:09

@HappyBear345 you need to post on relationships, that's where you'll get the emotional advice and support mostly.
I'm sorry you're going though this but it will get better even if it takes time. Can you afford therapy or counselling? Wishing you well. Flowers

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/02/2024 21:12

I've been here twice.

Get a counsellor to vent to , it really helps and also it helps you see the relationship for what it was, which I bet wasn't great. It's a nice experience having someone be be very kind and care about your feelings.

Also,!keep a diary or journal about what you're feeling it helps so much to get it out and also it helps me coming weeks and months to celebrate your progress when the happiness starts to return.

It also helps to do what you can do build confidence externally - get your hair done, exercise, eat healthy food, limit alcohol, throw out bad underwear and unflattering clothes and buy new ones; get a manicure etc etc. weight lifting and yoga helps.

This is a huge sad shock but it's also the next chapter of the rest of your life when you out yourself first.

Promise yourself you will never ever ever let a man stop you making friends. Make some friends!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/02/2024 21:13

I would add on to the external things- Botox and teeth whitening. Made a huge difference to my face and confidence

LemonTT · 11/02/2024 22:05

As with all things, time will heal. The way you feel now will pass and you will find a new life. Most people need help with this. Be that friends or talking therapy or even some anti depressants.

it is impossible to get back the love you shared. You will have to come to terms with the reality that he cannot give you what you need and deserve. You need to focus on realising you deserve better. Try to imagine a future where you are happy and contented without him. Think of the joy and satisfaction that just being a mother to your children will bring. Think of all the things you don’t have to compromise on anymore.

Do something simple that defines a change in life. Like a bedroom make over. Could be as simple as new bed line. Or even change rooms so you have a mini fresh start.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 11/02/2024 22:18

have a look at the grief pathway ? You’re grieving …it can at least explain why you feel some of these emotions

Tosca23 · 13/02/2024 07:52

Like others have said, try not to think re finances yet. If your ex pushes you, say you need a few months to think things through or just don’t do anything until you get a solicitors letter. You have been blindsided and must be in a lot of shock. You can think re finances in 3 to 6 months when you are over the initial shock.

Take care of you, try to do nice things for yourself like hot baths, going for walks, swimming, whatever makes you feel good.

You are bound to feel a range of emotions. Floods of tears can come out of nowhere and you may feel very very upset and betrayed. This is completely understandable and normal.

After a few months when you are over the shock, maybe see if there are any meet-up groups or single groups in your area. There are also things on eventbrite nowadays. For me, meeting divorced and bereaved people via these groups made me feel much less alone and personally I found it much easier to be with people who had been through similar than with loved up friends- just couldn’t bear to be around that for a while.

you will get through this but take it 1 day at a time. It’s a rocky road. A counsellor is a good idea too if you can afford it.

Mumof3love2 · 14/02/2024 22:20

Hi,
You are not alone. Going through something similar. I also have 3 young children and HB wanting to end relationship. It is very hard. We've been together 16 years.
I heard time heals... Maybe you'll find a solution and it won't happen or maybe it has to be.
I am scared of how the children will be impacted...

GoodLordyTheExcusesWeMakeForThem · 12/08/2024 04:15

Firstly, please remember that if the children will be remaining with you, you do not have to move or sell the house. You can stay living in the house until the children are legally adults, or 20 when they leave college (this is the age that child benefit ends now) i moved out with the children and left him in the house because he said he wanted somewhere for the children to stay when they were with gim. We rented a house 500 yards up the road to make it as easy as possible for him to see them and after 6 months and one visit we moved an hour away. He rented our house out and moved back to base. I had signed my half of the house over to him so that i could afford to pay off our joint debts and he was raking in £790 a month and then sold it for £70,000 profit. He didn't see the children for a year, despite me taking him to court to get a contact arrangement in place. In the end after three non appearances the judge told me that he couldnt force my ex to see his children if he didnt want to. After a year he got back in contact and put child support in place and began to see the children. The damage you can do can be significant in these situations. The children are both of yours and him leaving doesn't change that. He has chosen to leave the marriage and now yiu have to choose you. You have yo accept that he has made this decision and you need to move on. I really recommend shadow workbook and journal, also talk therapy but the shadow workbook will be a godsend in this situation because after 18 years you've probably forgotten who you actually are as a person on your own. You've probably dedicated a lot of time into making your life together as a team and its now that you need to work out who you are, what you want and need from life and how you can be happy in your own mind which will allow you to move on. Its a horrible situation but you can be happy again big hugs

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