Moving children away from dad after divorce

[OneJadeRaven]

Hi there. I'm a new mumsnetter so please be gentle with me!
I was married for 13 years (split up a year ago). My husband was emotionally abusive and it has taken me a long time to admit that. When we split I tried to commit to a really friendly, amicable situation, which was total pie in the sky. I started seeing someone new (a childhood friend) and he went absolutely bonkers. I can understand he was upset but crying and puking in front of the children, shouting at me in my own home and so on seems unreasonable. Since then he has been totally inconsistent towards my children who are highly distressed about it, manipulative and verbally abusive towards me (but always with an apology so I feel I have to forget it and get on with being nice). We live near all his family and miles from mine. I feel very isolated, and depressed. I want to move in with my new partner and his children who live a two hour drive away. I'm sure he'll take me to court and I'm worried he'll try and turn the kids against me. But I want a life, and I want to live away from his crazy orbit. Even the thought of seeing him when he drops the kids off makes me really stressed. I promised him that I wouldn't move away from where we live because I really thought I could make it work, and because I'm scared of him and keep saying things to please him. Now I'm desperate to get out. Has anyone else moved children a long way from their dad? Has it been okay? Does it make me a terrible person? I know we could have a better life but I'm so scared.

If your ex applies through the courts for 50/50 and it's granted (as it was in my case when my sons were 3 and 6), how is this going to work logistically?

You split a year ago.
Don't rush into moving in with a stranger.

Moving in with a new man is absolutely bonkers and selfish.

how many dates have you actually been on with this man who lives two hours away from you? How many days and night at a time have you spent together? And how regularly?

have you even met his children? Or him yours at this stage?

YABU

What happens if your relationship doesn't work out?

So you’re not just moving your children away from their dad/school/friends/life and everything they know? People would be a little more sympathetic if you were just looking for family support. But you want to move your children away into your new shags house with HIS children. You’ve just thrown a grenade into their lives after already blowing it apart. What an utterly selfish and shit thing to do. I think the best thing to do at this point is give the children to their father (which may very well be the courts decision) and you can go and fuck up another family and children’s lives

@Babadook76 that feels uncalled for

OP, your ex sounds awful and I'm sure you're keen for reassurance and stability and perhaps it feels like this new relationship feels like that for you but it will not feel like that for your DC. They are still adjusting to their parents no longer being together, another man and his DC is the last thing they need in all honesty. Good luck. Maybe just keep this new man as someone you spend time with alone.

Yet another woman putting a man before her kids.

You say your ex was emotionally abusive, don’t you think it’s emotionally abusive to uproot two young children from their father, their friends, everything and everyone they know and force them to become part of a blended family with some bloke they don’t even know?

There’s emotional abuse on all sides here, and the only victims here are the kids.

Op blended families rarely work out. And when they do, it’s because the parents have taken the time to make sure that all the kids are happy and settled with the decision to live together. Usually a few years not within a year of them having become the children of a broken marriage.

No judge will allow this op. You're going to have to suck it up for a few years until your kids are older .

This is almost unbelievable. Your children are traumatised by your husband's behaviour and the break up of their family and you have immediately started seeing someone else and have introduced them into their lives? You want to now force them to live with people they must barely know?

Wanting to move closer to family and a support network after divorce is understandable. Wanting to move t live with a man & his kids in a new relationship isn’t.
Your children need stability not confusion . If their dad is manipulative and abusing why subject them to a strange man, strange children and a different set of house rules?
Have you ever had therapy OP ?