Heading for final hearing. Open offers?

[Busbygirl]

Unfortunately we’re heading for a final hearing as we can’t agree.
We have both submitted our open offers. My stbxh has said that now he’s seen my open offer, he will submit a different one to the one he submitted so I can’t get what I want. It’s gone past the 3 weeks since we went to the FDR.
Is it possible to submit more than one open offer? I thought once you’d done it, that was that.
Honestly he’s been a nightmare

Well I guess the ideal is to agree at the FDR really but you are where you are. How far apart are you? It won’t look good if your ex is playing games.

isn’t the idea with open offers that you negotiate but what you offer will be open to the court to see? If so, it sounds logical you could have more than 1 presumably? What does your solicitor say?

He can submit more but if you end up in a final hearing those will be shown to the judge. They are supposed to be reasonable.

Are you massively disconnected in offers and how much is the difference. Is there a strong case for that difference?

We can agree on most things but he won’t agree on any pension share at all. He’ll come away with quite a bit more than me.
I’m not sure whether just to walk away as it’s becoming so stressful.
If we go to a final hearing the FDR judge indicated I’d do much better.
My solicitor has just told me he could put in another open offer but it won’t look good. His open offer as it stands is unreasonable.

Don’t walk away. I know it is so so tempting because it’s so stressful right now. But in five or ten years you’ll be pissed off at yourself. You’ve got this far, you can take it to the end to get a fair agreement.

It’s such a difficult decision. My legal bills are astronomical but if as the first judge indicated I can keep my inheritance at least I won’t feel so hard done by.
My exH is so argumentative. He has to win at all costs.

As he is argumentative and wants to win at all costs ultimately I think it's best for the courts to decide. Only way to deal with this kind of idiot.

He will be making things difficult for you and he will hope you walk away. Don’t walk away at this stage if you’ve got this far. I know a few people who have felt the same due to the stress of it all but they have kept going and been glad they did.
This is the last bit. He will want to hang on to his pension because they are valuable, so you should have what is fair and not let him push you into walking away.

Are you expecting to keep your inheritance but share his pension?

what is the overall gap in £ that you are both fighting over?

@millymollymoomoo AIUI recent inheritances are not necessarily included in the marital pot.

@Busbygirl Mine wouldn't co-operate at all in the divorce. I had to take him to court. The whole process took a year and was very stressful. Sending strength.

Thank you!
I’ve agreed with my barrister if the next judge says I can keep my inheritance too, I’ll let him keep his pension.
As it stands my H doesn’t want to share anything. Even our lovely dog 😢
I’ll try and hang in there, it’s just costing me an absolute fortune but I need my solicitor as he’s such a bully.

If you’ve been advised you are likely to do much better at final hearing, best try not to worry too much about whatever your ex offers. I guess sometimes a judge just has to decide. Try to keep busy with other things.

is your inheritance post separation? If so, presumably likely it won’t be included but his pension pot presumably will be.

Try to see the legal costs as an investment if it is all likely to go your way.

It’s all relative

i understand an inheritance might not be included…. But it’s also hard to argue, and unfair, that you should keep it all if also expecting split of all other assets. Of course if inheritance is 20k vs 500 k pension fair enough, but if inheritance is material to make a difference to overall settlement it should be counted as providing for needs

i also know several people who did not come out of fdh as they thought despite being advised- it really can go either way. You might be lucky. You might not

of course none of us here know and it’s impossible to make guesses without knowing your circumstances

Feeling your pain. I’m about to go to FDR but he has made the cost rocket. I just know the FDR will go to a Final Hearing.
Trying to stay strong but they try to wear you out mentally and financially.
You’ve come this far. He just wants you to give up.

As others have said he can update his offer - but the court will look dimly on him suddenly changing position.

Updated offers are meant to narrow the position (so for example, you said split house 70/30 your ex say 30/70 and then did an updated offer and said 50/50 - that would be reasonable and sensible).

How did you get on? My ex’s open offer is completely unreasonable. Wondering what is likely to happen at the final hearing…

@Busbygirl , I know this was a while ago but what was the outcome please?
My ex wouldn't negotiate at FDR and now we're going to final hearing. I believe it will go 'my way' but it will costs a fortune. I don't know whether to accept less or got to final hearing as I have chronic health conditions that make my earning capacity limited. Be interesting to hear what your outcome was if you don't mind sharing. Thanks

My exDH took the whole thing to a final hearing.
We settled just before we went before the judge. By then he realised I could keep my inheritance, he’d have to share his pension etc.
I gave in on a lot of things just so I could have our business which I’d spent years building.
It was worth it for me as the business was the thing that I wanted and I now don’t have too many money worries. Although I will probably have to work until I’m nearly 70!
However I spent an absolute fortune on my solicitor. Really ridiculous money.
I’ll make it back eventually.
I’d still take the same course if action if I had my time again as it was important to me to keep the business although I’d try and do so much more of the legal stuff myself.

Btw my inheritance was left to me 8 years before the FH but I’d just left it in savings accounts and not touched it. At the time I didn’t realise I’d be able to keep it but we just didn’t need to use it for anything. It was therefore classed as ring fenced and the judge said it was legally mine.
However as I said I negotiated so I could have the business.

@Busbygirl thank you so much for replying. I'm pleased that you feel you made the right decision and that everything worked out for you in the end. It gives me so much hope to hear when others are divorced and content now.

Just read this and thought "are you me?"
We can't even look past my inheritance and my ex keeps telling me it's a marital asset...

Awww thank you. It’s nearly 5 years since I left and only just getting used to being a singleton again. I am much happier now than I was when I was married though.
It is worth holding out for what you want but I’d just be wary of solicitor’s costs.
I guess I needed mine as my ex was determined that I came away with nothing.
Good luck!