Friend's ex wants to remain part owner of house

[Concestor]

Looking for some help for my friend who isn't on Mumsnet.

She was with her partner for 25 years, they have two children one in primary one just gone to secondary. They weren't married, because he is from a very wealthy family (he will inherit millions) and they like to keep the money in their own family. (Yes she was daft)

A while ago he decided to move into their garage room, eventually she managed to get him to move out of the house but he didn't understand why they couldn't live in it together but be separate. He is a bit abusive and has been through the relationship (he tried to stop her going back to work, he wanted her financially dependent and he actually said that).

So he's now in a bought flat with a mortgage. The family home is owned outright by both of them.

She wants to buy him out as it needs work and she doesn't want to spend thousands and have him benefit, plus he can give her a month's notice to get out and she doesn't feel secure.

Am I right in thinking that had they been married, no judge would have left the financials like this?

They are going to mediation but my friend needs to get her argument straight for why he should sell his half. His argument is that it's his "only investment" but that isn't true as he has his flat (and could reinvest the money in another property or shares).

Thanks for any advice, I'm try to answer questions but may not know all the answers as it isn't me.

@zurala Maybe your friend could do with a free half hour session with a solicitor who could give her some suggestions regarding the house. I can see the need for her to have a clean break and she needs the freedom to be able to do what she wants and when she wants with her home.
If however, her ex is insistent that he does not want to sell then he needs to pay his share for any remedial/decorative costs 50/50 so neither of them lose out in the future.
The other alternative is that he buys her out setting her free to buy somewhere else - IMO she should do this - then she really will have a clean sheet to work from without any interference from him.
If she is concerned that he can give her a month notice then remind her that she can do the same to him - she sounds like she has been very passive (and that is not surprising considering the relationship history) but she can be stronger and stick to decisions once she has control of her destiny.

They are not together as a couple. They can if they both want continue to have a joint investment vehicle, the house. They would need an agreement on who is responsible for what, upkeep, mortgage payments, insurance etc. Along with specification on the terms under which the agreement would end. Who gets to live in it, the access to the property for the other investor blah, blah blah.

Now if your friend wants all that she should ensure everything is clear, understood and formally agreed.

If she doesn’t want that she should very clearly tell him she wants to sell the property or buy him out.

If he is abusive or bit abusive she should not even consider this. Nor should she give in out of a desire to stay in the property. He will make her life a misery one way or another. No property is worth the mental health strain years of staying in this arrangement will bring.

It is inevitable that sooner or later she will to deal with his part ownership. That is going to be hard work mentally and financially.

However it is a choice between doing it now and getting an abusive man out of her life. Or doing it later and enduring an abusive man in her life for years.

It is very likely that your friend is so used to his abuse and control that she accepts it in her life without understanding the toll it is taking. She probably has an attachment to the family home and thinks this is a price worth paying to stay there and avoid dealing with a sale or legal battle.

She is wrong.

She needs legal advice. She's fucked in some ways because they aren't married but when it comes to selling the property she might be able to get help.

His 'argument' that the house is his only investment is not your friend's problem. So discussion on this should be shut down.

She needs to see solicitor and explore her legal options and the associated costs - because I can sadly see this going to law. Suggest your friend considers Women's Aid Freedom programme - it could let her see how she has been affected by his abuse and ways to overcome the consequences.

I should have said she has a solicitor but can't afford many sessions, every conversation costs £250. They had reached some kind of agreement previously that he would still own half, have first refusal of she wanted to sell, and one month's notice, but she now wants to change that because she feels so controlled and insecure in the house.

I just thought there might be a legal precedent that applied to divorce that she might be able to use. It seems crazy to me that he can own part of the house but pay no maintenance and expect to get half the value later on.

He previously wouldn't agree to spending on the house, when they were together, so there's loads needing doing.

I'm confused, is she living in what used to be their house, or has she moved into her own flat?

The joint-owned house. She can force a sale but I doubt she can force him to accept her as the buyer of his half. Best to sell up completely and move on.

Or if she's living in the house and wants to continue (so why has she bought a flat?) then on the one hand she should expect him to contribute to repairs and maintenance costs, but on the other hand he could demand rent for his half. Messy all round.

the Ex has bought the flat not the OP's friend.

Still not sure where this he can give her a month's notice to get out of the house. She's a joint owner, he has no more rights to kick her out than she has.