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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Ideal contact for you?

7 replies

LilBus · 07/02/2024 18:26

My ex isn’t involved so I have my children all the time but I just wondered what the ideal contact would be for you? I said I would have loved 50/50 in an ideal world but obviously ex would rather not be involved and I was criticised for “only wanting my kids 50% of the time”, I saw someone yesterday being called a “dead beat dad” as he ‘only’ had his children eow 🤔, I’ve seen fathers criticised for wanting 50/50 as it’s only to avoid maintenance (apparently 🙄) or to “punish” their ex. I’ve also seen people not wanting eow and 1 night a week as kids “should have a main home during the week” and I’ve been told that I’m “lucky” because my ex isn’t involved. So what would have been your ideal contact with your children and your ex? Seems every option is frowned upon for some reason or other. It also seems like a lot of women would prefer their ex disappeared after a break up I understand in cases of abuse but often that isn’t the reason.

OP posts:
cheeseonwheels · 07/02/2024 19:02

I would hate 50/50 tbh. My partner and I are still together so it's a moot point but if we were split I'd like him to have them eow and one night in the week.

cheeseonwheels · 07/02/2024 19:04

And selfishly it's more because I think that would be a nice break for me and I often feel guilty on weekends where we do very little. Partner currently works weekends so if we did split, he'd be unlikely to have them then anyway!

anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 07/02/2024 20:41

There is no way I'd ever agree to 50/50

I have my 3 99.9% of the time. He has no overnights. I think an ideal for me would be a a weekend day time every other weekend and 1 overnight per month on a weekend and then maybe an overnight mid week so I can catch up with work. Just to give me the odd bit of respite really and go out/get things done round the house.

RedLeicesterRedLeicester · 07/02/2024 21:11

Going through divorce now. STBXH is looking at buying a house around the corner. He’s saying he wants eow and 2 nights during the week. Ideally for me it would be eow and one night during the week. That’s because I want them with me..

Beckafett · 07/02/2024 21:24

We do approx 65/35. We both have to work full time and my office is 50 miles away (I go in twice a week). We live about a mile and half away with the kids school and childminder in the middle.
We both committed to staying in the same town till the kids are grown up so we can be flexible with swapping dates.

PurpleBugz · 08/02/2024 10:55

Depends on the dad. My violent ex took me to court and has every other weekend. My kids are negatively affected by this and I thought he should have less.

My youngest had a different dad and I got talked I to having this baby. Nothing dangerous about him he's just a lazy fuck who gave up all housework childcare etc as soon as I was trapped with pregnancy. I left him as it's less work without him. I do think he should have 50/50 as he really wanted this baby and I'm the one who has faced the impact of a baby while he keeps working getting good money

LilBus · 08/02/2024 14:38

Yeah definitely agree it’s different so not including abusive relationships as that will be understandable to want the minimum amount of contact.

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