If you instigated the separation/divorce

[Whatdoisaydo]

For whatever the reason…did you give your in laws including SIL/BIL explanation or reason or let them question you as such? Or did you just cut ties and go NC. I understand this is situation dependent as such but are they owed an explanation? Thank you

a divorce is absolutely nothing to do with in laws and they do not need any explanation, unless of course partner is cheating, or any situation which you feel then need to know so they do not blame you, in which case i would tell them and then just block all contact!

I initiated our split but XH knew it was coming.
I had a good relationship with some of my in laws. We did the general ‘We’ve tried to make it work but it’s just not so it’s best for everyone if we split’. I didn’t bad mouth him to them, they were his support network. I don’t know what he’s said about me of course!
I don’t really hear from them 2 years on. SIL came to collect DD recently and we did a nice catch up, ‘How are you?’ type conversation but we can’t stay friendly because she’s so close to XH. It would just be weird. Honestly I mourn the loss of some of his family far more than I miss him but it’s a price I had to pay to be free from a toxic marriage.

@NeurodivergentBurnout @allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld thank you

I also miss my husbands family much more than I miss him, although (sadly, as it’s awful) we are still living together. Most of his nieces and his nephew have been in touch, or said hello via my grown up children. A couple have voiced the opinion that I was mad to have not done it years ago, those I haven’t heard anything from I imagine are very supportive of him.

His sister told one of my children that clearly it had been the making of him, to which they gave a strongly worded response! She went on to say that I must have been keeping him away from them, as they had seen so much more of him. My child told her the truth - that the only reason she used to see us at all is because I used to insisted on it.
Its so sad that we can’t keep contact. I’ve known his family for over 30 years.

Not owed one. But my BIL was the only person who asked if I was OK (when I wasn't) so I spoke to him. The rest of them were wankers, I'm afraid. He was the black sheep!

Nobody needs an explanation beyond the fact the relationship is over. If they cannot conceive that 2 adults would not split up unless there are v good reasons then let them wonder.

Nobody’s divorce is interesting anyone who wants gory details only wants gory details. They won’t support you emotionally or practically. The later are the people you confide in.

I called up my MIL and told her the whole story. And she said I should div her ds. She was utterly disgusted and said ' App13, I'm so sad you won't be a part of our lives and I wish you could be '

Exdh was living with inlaws at the time and helped him sign the papers eventually.

It helped my case as I was close to them and knew them since I was 22

My stbx in laws making an effort with me still. Have arranged to taken them to an event with DC soon. They are lovely

No, but I do wish I'd had the opportunity to tell them about his cheating & exactly why we split up. We were together over 15 years & had 2 DC.

I was trying to be dignified.

None of them have spoken a word to me since. But I do wonder what he's told then (probably lies).

No but the rumours I heard were amusing afterwards!

xH handled comms with his side. Ours was amicable split because xH hated spending money on lawyers more than he found me annoying. xMil & other xILs still send me birthday cards.