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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Ex refusing any financial settlement - would this work?

58 replies

userzH · 05/02/2024 18:33

My ex is a twat and refusing to do any sort of financial settlement with me.

Though we have very little to sort.

I'm thinking about asking my solicitor to write up a letter which we both sign, agreeing that we will NOT make any financial claims against each other in the future.

Would this actually stand for anything if my ex did make a claim against me in the future?

I may inherit a lot of money one day and I want to make sure my ex cannot get his hands on it. I want a clean break order, he is refusing to comply.

I am getting legal aid for divorce as he is abusive however I can't afford to take him to court over this. My legal aid won't cover it as we have no major assets which I'm thankful for.

My dad has suggested we get something in writing that says he can't claim anything against me.

Does anyone know if some official paper work like this would be suffice to protect me in the future?

OP posts:
NCA24 · 05/02/2024 23:22

Hi Op. I'm going through the same thing where my husband didn't declare his statements etc to support his Form E and the court ordered him to do so in 14 days from our first hearing or risk getting a penal notice. The courts just won't put up with that shit so like everyone said upthread you absolutely must push through the courts. You need legal resolution to the finances.

There's lots you can do yourself and just get a lawyer to check your docs before you share/submit to courts.

If he is the applicant, it will be his responsibility to pull the packs together etc. hopefully you get to an agreement before you get to the final court hearing as this is the step that is the most expensive.

Original poster
userzH · 05/02/2024 23:29

NCA24 · 05/02/2024 23:22

Hi Op. I'm going through the same thing where my husband didn't declare his statements etc to support his Form E and the court ordered him to do so in 14 days from our first hearing or risk getting a penal notice. The courts just won't put up with that shit so like everyone said upthread you absolutely must push through the courts. You need legal resolution to the finances.

There's lots you can do yourself and just get a lawyer to check your docs before you share/submit to courts.

If he is the applicant, it will be his responsibility to pull the packs together etc. hopefully you get to an agreement before you get to the final court hearing as this is the step that is the most expensive.

Thank you. It makes me wonder why my solicitor doesn't seem to encourage court.

I just have absolutely no money for this. I'm struggling to make ends meet as it is :-(

Single mum of 3 kids, 2 or disabled. Living on carers allowance. I just don't want to start something that I can't afford to pay.

OP posts:
NCA24 · 05/02/2024 23:43

Get to the form E stage so you at least have proof of what he earns:has etc. maybe a solicitor will support you on the chance that a court will award you some of his assets.

You can't afford to not do this lovely. Worse would be him getting his hands on your future inheritance. Trust me, with these chancers you have no idea what they're capable of when suddenly they find the motivation.

Sodndashitall · 06/02/2024 07:04

userzH · 05/02/2024 23:09

@Appleofmyeye2023 also my solicitor has said I will be shown his bank statements and he will be shown mine to prove to each that we are not hiding any money from each other

That's not true. You just fill.in the form and if you both agree then that's that. Don't waste money getting solicitors to chase bank statements if there's no need and you don't want anything.

I know my ex withheld info on his form, but I didn't care. We had clean break.
The form is not that detailed in honesty it just asked for details of assets.
As a PP said, fill.it in for him and then just post it to him if he wants to sign it. If that isn't possible then just fill in your side and avoid solicitor for chasing etc. Just proceed to court and do as much yourself as possible

Original poster
userzH · 06/02/2024 07:14

@Sodndashitall that's helpful thank you.

He isn't hiding any money. Hes probably gambling more than ever and doesn't want me to know as he wants me to think he's living the perfect life without me. Seeing his bank statements could also more than likely prove his infidelity which again he won't want me to see.

I couldn't care less if he's hiding money anyway - I don't want it. I just want to be finically free from him and not have that worry that he could potentially claim my inheritance when it happens. It would be a very very cruel thing to do....which means he will do it.

Right I'll send an email to my solicitor saying that i have no interest in seeing his bank statements and that I'd like to fill the forms out myself. I'm guessing this is just the same form that the solicitor would use?

OP posts:
Original poster
userzH · 06/02/2024 07:15

@Sodndashitall although just to add, as I am getting legal aid, so far it is not costing me anything to use them and as there are zero assets, it won't cost me anything when all this is sorted.

OP posts:
Sodndashitall · 06/02/2024 07:28

userzH · 06/02/2024 07:14

@Sodndashitall that's helpful thank you.

He isn't hiding any money. Hes probably gambling more than ever and doesn't want me to know as he wants me to think he's living the perfect life without me. Seeing his bank statements could also more than likely prove his infidelity which again he won't want me to see.

I couldn't care less if he's hiding money anyway - I don't want it. I just want to be finically free from him and not have that worry that he could potentially claim my inheritance when it happens. It would be a very very cruel thing to do....which means he will do it.

Right I'll send an email to my solicitor saying that i have no interest in seeing his bank statements and that I'd like to fill the forms out myself. I'm guessing this is just the same form that the solicitor would use?

Yes it's all the same form, no matter who prepares it. And you just sum up the amounts and put that in the form. Simple really

Original poster
userzH · 06/02/2024 07:36

@Sodndashitall fabulous - I feel better now thank you.

OP posts:
PurpleBugz · 06/02/2024 07:58

I had similar situation. Think I spent about £10 trying to get him to sign but he was a dick about it. Eventually I gave up and thought fine I will just be cut out inheritance my kids can have it. I have heavily implied to ex I've been cut out.

7 years later he wants to marry his new victim and is pushing me for the divorce

Original poster
userzH · 06/02/2024 08:04

PurpleBugz · 06/02/2024 07:58

I had similar situation. Think I spent about £10 trying to get him to sign but he was a dick about it. Eventually I gave up and thought fine I will just be cut out inheritance my kids can have it. I have heavily implied to ex I've been cut out.

7 years later he wants to marry his new victim and is pushing me for the divorce

Yes my parents are thinking about doing this too. I would only give the money to my children anyway to be honest.

Sorry you had to go through that.

I'm sure my ex wants to marry his latest victim too. That's why he wants a divorce so soon.

OP posts:
PurpleBugz · 06/02/2024 08:07

@userzH refuse the divorce until you have the clean break or you will have nothing over him to make him sort the financials

Original poster
userzH · 06/02/2024 08:26

PurpleBugz · 06/02/2024 08:07

@userzH refuse the divorce until you have the clean break or you will have nothing over him to make him sort the financials

Thank you - I will. I am offering him some money for my car (very frustrating as I shouldn't have too) but I will use this as a way to try get him to di the clean break order too.

He just doesn't want me to see his bank statements but if we can do it without that then that works for me .

OP posts:
Sodndashitall · 06/02/2024 08:43

@userzH this is the form https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/63c132468fa8f516ac0d5a6d/Form_E_0123_save.pdf

You can see that you just have to list out things like accounts and any assets. Honestly if you are both agreeable then you can just put the minimum details like 1 bank account each with not much money etc etc. It needs to be credible but otherwise the court won't really look at it too closely if you both agree.
Our financial settlement was quite 1 sided in his favour for various reasons, no one ever said a word as we were both agreed on it

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/63c132468fa8f516ac0d5a6d/Form_E_0123_save.pdf

RoachFish · 06/02/2024 09:47

I'm in a similar position trying to get the financial settlement done with an abusive non-cooperative person. I'm following to see how this works out for you and I'll update if I find a way to get this done a little cheaper.

Original poster
userzH · 06/02/2024 09:54

RoachFish · 06/02/2024 09:47

I'm in a similar position trying to get the financial settlement done with an abusive non-cooperative person. I'm following to see how this works out for you and I'll update if I find a way to get this done a little cheaper.

Thank you.

I have sent instruction to my solicitor this morning.

I've told them that I want to go ahead with the clean break order without seeing each others bank statements. I don't want any money from him.

I then am going to try speak to my ex and offer him some money for my car as long as he fills out what he needs too in regard to the financial settlement but I'm going to tell him we don't need to exchange financial details to each other.

Just going to wait for my solicitor to give me the ok and then I'll go ahead and do it.

It's so frustrating - I hope you get sorted. The stress is just not fun at all.

Mine all depends on how angry my ex is at me when I speak to him. Even though he's the one that's been abusive, cheated, gambled and had the police called on him.

OP posts:
NamingConundrum · 06/02/2024 11:54

If he marries he cannot come after you for financial settlement later. Since inheritance from parents and I assume they won't want him to get it, will then pay your fees to apply for clean break? I'd be wary of trying to do it without full disclosure, leaves it much more open to contesting it later.

ELC2018 · 21/02/2024 23:15

It's been really interesting reading all the comments. I can relate to it all. I filed for the divorce a year ago, and my clean break paperwork D81 form could have been done in September 23, I sent mine off however my ex refuses to fill it in. Sent it back with a line through each session stating all money has been split (the family house 50/50) and he doesn't have a pension so no more access to spilt. Divorce Online said they can't take that to court. It's now end of February 24 and I'm still fighting for it.
Now I have a little money for a holiday which I might have to use now to take him to court. Can I apply to court myself, or do I need a solicitor to apply to court for me? I just can't afford a solicitor throughout as a single parent. It's like he still has control over me with this and I can't move on with my life. I'm sure you all who have been through it know what I mean.

Original poster
userzH · 22/02/2024 07:44

ELC2018 · 21/02/2024 23:15

It's been really interesting reading all the comments. I can relate to it all. I filed for the divorce a year ago, and my clean break paperwork D81 form could have been done in September 23, I sent mine off however my ex refuses to fill it in. Sent it back with a line through each session stating all money has been split (the family house 50/50) and he doesn't have a pension so no more access to spilt. Divorce Online said they can't take that to court. It's now end of February 24 and I'm still fighting for it.
Now I have a little money for a holiday which I might have to use now to take him to court. Can I apply to court myself, or do I need a solicitor to apply to court for me? I just can't afford a solicitor throughout as a single parent. It's like he still has control over me with this and I can't move on with my life. I'm sure you all who have been through it know what I mean.

I'm sure you can do it yourself. Others will be able to advise.

I'm still no further on. Ex has agreed the clean break order but hasn't even acknowledged the divorce....still. Why claim you want a 'quick divorce?'🙄

Hope you get it sorted - it's so stressful and totally not fair. Extremely controlling behaviour too. Just makes me realise how glad I am to be rid of him and how he's not actually changed at all.....

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 22/02/2024 14:25

@userzH

My gut feeling says he would never come after any inheritance as he simply wouldn't know how to get a solicitor and go through the whole process. That would also be at a cost to him to get a solicitor and do the court costs of trying to get any inheritance etc I may have. He never ever has any money so I genuinely can't see him ever making a claim.

I really wouldn't rely on this. There are so many places he could obtain this information or helpful people who could give him the information. He sounds unscrupulous and uncaring except for his own self - so putting a future claim against you would be getting one over on you, wouldn't it?

I'm assuming your parents will take legal advice if they decide the inheritance goes straight to your children (held in a trust which you/their solicitor manages?) so he can't legally get access to any of it. 🌹

Original poster
userzH · 22/02/2024 15:32

Newestname002 · 22/02/2024 14:25

@userzH

My gut feeling says he would never come after any inheritance as he simply wouldn't know how to get a solicitor and go through the whole process. That would also be at a cost to him to get a solicitor and do the court costs of trying to get any inheritance etc I may have. He never ever has any money so I genuinely can't see him ever making a claim.

I really wouldn't rely on this. There are so many places he could obtain this information or helpful people who could give him the information. He sounds unscrupulous and uncaring except for his own self - so putting a future claim against you would be getting one over on you, wouldn't it?

I'm assuming your parents will take legal advice if they decide the inheritance goes straight to your children (held in a trust which you/their solicitor manages?) so he can't legally get access to any of it. 🌹

Thank you - it's moved on since this thread and he's finally agreed to the clean break order which my solicitor has evidence in writing from him.

Whether it happens still remains to be seen but it's a step closer.

OP posts:
ELC2018 · 22/02/2024 18:03

Question-

Does anyone know if I can apply straight to court if my ex isn't filling in the D81 clean break order paperwork? Or do I have to show I've tried through mediation before I go to court?

Many thanks in advance x

Ollie2008 · 25/07/2024 21:44

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn by MNHQ

Ollie2008 · 25/07/2024 22:03

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn by MNHQ - identifying.

Hurdygurdygirl · 26/07/2024 11:32

Ollie2008 - it would be best if you start a new thread with your question. You are more likely to get answers.
I am afraid I cannot advise on legal stuff, but not sure if it is a good idea to put your personal email address in this public forum. People could private message you through Mumsnet instead.

silentpool · 26/07/2024 11:51

My ex refused to cooperate. I filed a court case (I think it's a Form A) and did the mediation alone because he didn't show up.When the court date came through, I had a summons delivered to his door by a bailiff.

If he won't cooperate, the court will proceed without him. Once he figured that out and that I was moving that way, he started to participate.

You don't need a solicitor to do the above. I filed the paperwork myself, it's just a form.

Do not do not do not divorce without the consent order.

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