What does your 50/50 look like with young children?

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We have a 5 year old and 1 year old. We had agreed a plan for the children with me as the primary carer. Then be tried to get a mortgage and realised that the CMS payment would affect his mortgage application so now he wants 50/50.

At these young ages what do your child arrangements look like?

I have been the primary carer, I do all medical (both children have things going on). I'm a teacher and dad now wants half of all school holidays too. It's a real kick in the teeth as besides Christmas he has never taken a day off in the school holidays.

Original plan was for 5 nights out of 14 with him. Do I just push for that?

Following with interest.. In a very similar situation!

This is why CMS shouldn't be linked to custody arrangements.

If this is because of his mortgage can you not just agree for him to not pay whilst he's applying for the mortgage?

Or take less CMS?

At the very fight for the school holidays. If he has a normal 6 weeks then it makes no sense for them to be in holiday clubs when you're off.

The contact arrangements should be made in the children’s best interests. You’d agreed that was with you providing consistency as primary carer.

Him trying to avoid paying maintenance is not a good reason to have 50-50. Especially when he’s already agreed that something else is best for the kids!

Children are not commodities to be shared 50-50. The whole parent-centred logic of this stuff (dressed up as if it’s actually about the child) is depressing.

Research done with parents who tried ‘nesting’ clearly showed that the adults hated not having an actual home - always switching and never having their stuff.

But somehow we are supposed to pretend this is great for children. And ignore that the motivating factor for the father is saving himself some money.

I would have loved 50/50 maybe not so young but certainly when they were a bit older, I like a week on week off of 2-2-3

Thank you.
50/50 is a struggle for the children as their norm is me. They have struggled immensely with 4 days this past weekend. I am their main carer and as a teacher have them 13 weeks full time on top of all day to day things.
I do believe that 50/50 is a struggle for children, and I say that from seeing it time and time again in my job.
The 50/50 that he wants revolves around his job and actively stating that he doesn't want to pay CMS because it affects his mortgage affordability for somewhere new to live (I'veleft the joint home and moved in with my mum). There's a random Thursday night put in just to try and get the 7th night and other things like that. I've offered 5/14 nights because it works best for the kids so they aren't swapping homes after just one night in each home. He won't consider every other week as it can't happen with his work pattern day to day.
I have no problem with him wanting to step up now, just not at the expense of the kids doing one night with me then one night with him and then back to me, it seems like a lot of movement. This is why I was asking what patterns for shared care would look like at such a young age (every other week seems too long for a 1 year old).
Plus I assume the plan would change as the kids got older.
I also don't want the kids to be with him for 50% if it is just because of money. That isn't the reason to want the kids.

Surely if it's money fuelled then just level with him. You've got a long time to go parent with him don't cause unnecessary drama. Point blank say to him the facts that if he wants 50/50 purely so it doesn't effect his mortgage application then your happy to arrange that while his application goes through, it will soften the blow of the break up for your kids and then you can go to the 5 out of 14 nights and have him pay maintenance for the 2 extra days you have the kids in every Fortnite

If he pursues this and shows he will have the children 50% of the time he will probably get it. Your counter arguments are opinion and you are entitled to them but they don’t override his role as a parent.

Thank you for this!

Hi op I hope you manage to come to some sort of resolution. Me and DH recently separated and will at some point have to deal with this same situation. At the moment he is renting a spare room and I'm allowing him to come over to the house every evening to see the children and help out at bedtimes. It's working for now. I dread the day this changes because I worry about the children moving around they are also so young.

When the time comes my DH will also want 50/50 due to money however he doesn't cope with the children as well as me I worry about that. He's also a teacher and claiming he will have them more because of his holidays. I only work part time.

Based on what you’ve said 5/14 does sound like it’s I. The kids best interest. My DP would love 50:50 but does 5/14 as best for the younger child. He does have 50:50 holidays. His ex wanted him to have 2/14 do he does have CAO in place.

for me, when my kids were similar ages, dad did 4:14 and they were weds and Sunday night so not two days in a row. It worked well. As the kids got older it moved to 5:14. My kids are now 12 and 10 and it’s 6/14 and 50:50 for costs. My children wanted 50:50 and they also do frequent change overs and we still split the weekends. We asked if they wanted to change to eow but they said they prefer it as it is.

I feel for you! I hope you are able to find a good agreement that puts the kid's first. It's sooooo tough!!

Hi, did you ever reach agreement? Going through the same thing currently. Thanks x