Child doesn't want to stay over

[cm0301]

Posted recently around conditional order delays, which seems to be moving now. And has somehow spurred OH into action and is looking like he'll be moving out shortly. Through mediation discussions agreed on our daughter (soon to be 11) going to him every other weekend, however she has just very calmly told me that she's never going to stay over at his new house. She struggles a lot with anxiety and worries about that have been the main thing that delayed me pushing for the divorce over recent years. I don't want to make things worse for her but equally worry that she's just never going to want to go and see him. Don't really know how to handle it.

Hi OP. My 12 year old DD sounds similar. We agreed to 50:50 and she was unhappy about staying over. She too struggles with anxiety. She will stay over days when she doesn’t have school the following day but I have to pick her up before bedtime from her dads on school nights. Her sibling is fine with staying.

I figure that for now this is just what we’ll have to do and hopefully once she is familiar with the new house she’ll consider staying but we’ll see how we go. It is hard as it means my downtime is significantly reduced but I’m not in the right headspace for anything like dating yet.

Hopefully someone else will reply with some better advice but you have my sympathies.

You don’t make her go. I was the child who didn’t want to stay at his new house too, always wanted to sleep at home with mum. I just did one day out with him a week and that was enough.

Thanks for your comments. I think the no pressure, go at her pace approach is the only way to go isn't it. Just adds another layer of guilt to it all.