Divorce costs advice

[SparklingDaisy]

Hi,

Typed this out and lost it before posting!!

I'll try again.

I'm going through a long, complicated divorce involving more than one property. I filed for divorce in 2020 as the marriage was nothing more than a friendship (and had been that way for many years).

I have paid £15k so far on solicitors, which I have put on credit cards. I am now paying this back so, already, have a reduced monthly disposable income by about £500 a month . I can't get any more from credit cards so have, literally, ran out of money. I have to keep the remainder of my disposable income as I have the younger child 100% of the time. I haven't had any child maintenance. A claim for child maintenance was put in and he was supposed to pay me around £300 a month but he said he couldn't afford it so it was cancelled and I have struggled on with nothing (I didn't get even one payment). I am paying all costs for the younger child (another few hundred a month when you factor in school bus pass and lunches). The eldest is away at university but I am also paying part of his rent and always do a food shop for him at the start of each semester.

As it stands, I am being offered 50% of the home which is about £140k. Stbx will also have a full pension, the 50% of the family home, another property >£200k value) and he is set to inherit another property and land further down the line. Current split is £390 for me (including my pension) and about £750k for him (including his pension). I have a reduced pension due to working part time for years raising the children. He inherited the other property after we separated. I have been told it has been ring fenced.

I have had a break from all of this as the solicitor knew it was getting too much for me. My job is also causing me a lot of grief (workload, toxic culture and stressful situations) and I have had a lot of deaths in my immediate family. I have been offered a new job which involves travelling 100 miles each way once a week and a hotel stay (that I'll need to pay for) - rest is WFH.

However, other side are still insisting on the 50% split of the family home and nothing else. They are pushing for me to put the house on the market. I want to sell up anyway as the house is costing too much (energy/maintenance) as it's too big for the two of us (although I do need a third bedroom for my eldest). It's a 4 bed detached.

My solicitor wants it to go to court. He said it'll cost approximately another £6k. I can't get this money from credit cards and I already living off of a reduced disposable income as I'm
paying £500 a month credit card bills and funding a few hundred a month for my youngest child's costs. I really can't afford a mortgage! I'm in my 50's so know I'd be paying a mortgage into retirement. Meanwhile, stbx would have lots in the bank!! His solicitor thinks this is fair! Mine doesn't.

Do I take it to court? Any ideas where I can get the £6k from? I really don't want to take this to court myself (without a solicitor) as I don't feel up to it emotionally. Plus, I'd probably get walked over.

I am the higher earner and have worked hard. However, I'm going to be left with hardly anything. He didn't progress in his career at all. I paid for a lot of the mortgage and childcare costs (more than he did). Of course, this isn't taken into account.

What would you do in this situation? Try for a £20k loan and pay off the credit cards??

Marriage was in 1997.

I'm intrigued so happy to bump.
Are you both resident in England? I am assuming yes.
Out of curiousity, how much do you earn?
You're living with the kids in the FMH now, so who lives in the £200k property, who pays mortgage on that or is he living in rented accommodation; how much does he pay for that?
Why do you have no pension of your own?
If he is & always was a low earner, how much is his pension worth, anyway?

How old is he? I presume he's not disabled.

Why can't you insist that you'll only sell FMH if he sells his £200k property & you get half of those proceeds?

I do know that his future inheritance isn't on the table (it's not relevant).
I am very surprised if OP's toxic job situation is relevant to the financial split.

I honestly don't know how it works when other party doesn't pay their share of kid costs, I imagine you track costs & claim back thru CSA.

Can you agree with your solicitor to pay the costs out of the settlement? If they are happy to wait to be paid, then I'd definitely say take it to court

I earn £45k. He lives in the £200k property mortgage free.

I do have a pension of my own but it's less than his as I've been working part time for almost half of my working life.

I don't get anything back from the child maintenance people. This is why I struggle and now worried about paying a mortgage at my age.

I would agree with this, it’ll also give you a reflection of how successful the lawyer thinks they will be.
This post reads like a good lesson to women to stay on top of personal finances and never work part time and take on the kids when married!

When you post about this situation you don’t give information about the pensions. Which is the pertinent issue in your divorce. Because he is close to retirement and you are 15+ years off that. A lot of his pension was accrued outside the marriage. All the advice you get and have gotten on this forum will assume it is a simple pension equalisation situation and it isn’t. Unless you explain ages and values of the pensions you will get ill informed advice.

Being a higher earner with many more years left to work means getting 50% of the equity is a good offer. The house inherited after you split would not be considered unless there isn’t enough equity to be adequately housed. There seems to be more than enough for your need.

It will then be down to your solicitors arguing over pension splits. You can grow your pension, he can’t. That is the core of the issue. As we don’t have any detail you will have to reach your own decision.

You need to enforce a CMS claim and it’s not clear why this has not been successful.

You really need to enforce CMS.

I know it’s another thing on your plate, but he’s LIVING MORTGAGE FREE!!

If he’s working at all he owes you. Even if he’s not, he owes you. CMS can enforce the payment.

How much is your mortgage payment each month now, OP?

It reads like neither nor xH has a mortgage to pay.

MN is good for brainstorming on ways to economise, if you start a new anon thread about how much you have coming in & out each month & where might you find savings.

Honestly I always say this but it shouldn't be costing an arm and a leg just to get a divorce. This shouldn't be normal. In case this can help financially and you end up going to court, try using online free resources to do some of the divorce yourself. It's not as scary as it seems when you have a guide, the divorce can 100% definitely be done yourself. I had to do it myself because I couldn't afford to pay thousands.
See if this one can help you through, https://iamlip.com/ it can tell you what your options are and what you can do e.g. forms so you're not getting your solicitor to do it for hundreds of pounds. I know others who had used both a solicitor and free guides so they could save thousands by doing it themselves.
It really is awful how solicitors can justify these costs, I hope this could help a little with your divorce xxx

CM payment is based on his income, why was it cancelled, has he given up work?

The house split should reflect you have higher needs if going forward you will still be accommodating your child 100% of the time, but will also will depend on your current salary compared to his and what each projected outgoings will be. Same with pensions, his might be higher but if he is closer to retirement than you this will be reflected.

Surely your solicitor has all this info though, not sure what you do if its the solicitors battling it out increasing costs. But ultimately a judge will decide if its fair split.

Hi,

Both properties are mortgage free.

Yes, he is working. I have been offered a new job, which I have accepted. However, it involves a once a week 200 mile round trip so I'm staying over in a Premier Inn (or similar) which will reduce my income further. Eldest child is commuting next year so he will return and he's spending most time with me now he has a girlfriend.

I do think we've both been fleeced by solicitors. It's just dragged on! One letter after another digging into spends (most, of which, I can't remember).

He said he couldn't afford the CM.

He forced me to cancel it or would move back into the house.

When the house is sold that won’t be an issue. You are currently occupying a major asset and using his share of the capital to subsidise your lifestyle. Otherwise you would be paying a mortgage of c800 per month.

If you aren’t going to accept his offer then instruct your solicitor to take this to court.

Unless you provide details of the pensions, which will be the issue in court, no one can advise you if it is a good or a bad offer.

If it were me, assuming there's not some special reason the £200k property shouldn't be a marital asset, I imagine that I would

1a. Tell almostX that item (2) below is my plan and this is their last chance to prevent court fees if they can't give a more generous offer. Give them minimum 1 week to counter-offer.

1b. ask solicitor for deferred invoices from solicitors, at least until after you've gone to court & ideally until Consent Order were granted. I believe they can't charge you for time they spend quoting for their services & negotiating payment terms.

1. (If acceptable payment terms with solicitor can be made, don't tell stbX that, though), I would instruct solicitor to go to court asking for 50% of all combined cash, investment and property values (minus mortgages, but sounds like there are no mortgages).

You need to think about your proposal for CM, too. I would focus on CM to meet needs for younger kid since other kid is adult/soon adult. Maybe not worth thinking about pensions, though.

and go back to CMS if he has cancelled payment. If he is PAYE they can take the payments direct from his pay if he is refusing to pay. He can't just say he can't afford it. If he is self-employed it can be more difficult as he could be manipulating the figures he presents to HMRC.

Get an occupation order, enforce CMS and make him an offer to settle.

I believe you officially ‘need’ a 2-bed because your eldest is now an adult and in theory should support themselves. Can they take a student loan to pay their own rent?