Long distance contact feels wrong

[Problemnumber99]

Hello

Posting again here as no replies 😔😅

I know I'm biased, so looking for people's thoughts on this please as I can't see how it's fair but that won't matter in court.

Ex is taking me to court for eow weekend contact for our 2 year old. He wants this to take her 250 miles down south to his parents. He has no home for dd here as he's in the army and in a singles block.

Currently he sees her every weekend but only day time. Never lived with her and never had her overnight.

Personally I feel he should rent a flat or house up here, he's got stacks of money.

Do you think the court will agree it? Even worse, will they think the singles block is OK?

Thank you! Any thoughts really appreciated 😊

It’s impossible to say, OP. At that age it’s unlikely he’d be allowed EOW, probably more like once a month. Her welfare will be taken into consideration. Unfortunately he is her father and has a right to access. I assume the overnights would be at his parents and not in the single block? This may count against him. A single army block is not an appropriate place for a child. But as she gets older longer periods of overnights will be expected provided it’s suitable. He really should be thinking about renting somewhere or moving back in with parents at the very least if he is serious about these visits.
It’s important to show you are reasonable and maybe suggest when his accommodation is suitable starting with once a month or even just special occasions and seeing how she gets on.

Thank you @Raffaell0 I completely agree, hope the judge does! If he had somewhere local (a house or flat) I'd be happy with overnights eow, it's the travel and current living arrangements that I don't think are fair on her. He says paying for rent is a waste of money when he can live on camp for pocket change 🙄

He should rent somewhere local to you (Air BnB) or book a hotel close to you. Fairer on dd. Otherwise she'll spend the whole weekend in the car.

@hellsBells246 thank you, I agree. It's an 8 hour round trip and that's with no traffic. Friday night it would be far longer... That's a working day sat in the car!

A friend of mine who has a similar distance books a Premier Inn EOW. Then in holiday times takes his child the longer distance to spend time with his family.

Did either of you move away? As the court sometimes takes that into account.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings thank you. That would work for her better I think. We met up here but he is originally from down south so his family are still there

I hate when posters say the father has right to access. No, they do not. He has parental responsibility but not a right to access.

It is the child who has the right to a relationship with their father. That's how the courts view it.

Consideration will be given to the welfare checklist.

@Whattodo112222 Ive said exactly this to him. She has all the rights, we have all the responsibilities. I think a home of some sort should be one...if he wants over nights. It would cost him less than I pay for nursery 🤯

Yes, I see your point but it’s semantics. Most of the time it’s deemed in the child’s best interests to have a relationship with both parents, and that is achieved by the parent having contact with the child. But yes- the emphasis is rightly on the child’s welfare.

Unfortunately the parental responsibility extends to facilitating a relationship with the other parent.

it is not unheard of courts deciding children should travel that far. Whilst I don’t personally agree with children needing to travel these distances to accommodate parents, it can be the outcome of a court decision. You could end up driving half way.

Speak to a solicitor and see how strong your case is. Think about compromises including whether a longer trip to be his family could be offered in conjunction with more regular access near you.

Thank you @LemonTT this is what worries me. I wouldn't mind (as much) if it was him that lived that far away, but to make her travel because he refuses to rent somewhere for her to go just seems so unfair on her. He knows he has another 2 years here.
I won't be shocked if they agree to it 😔

They won't expect him to rent somewhere near you whilst he's adequately housed. It's unreasonable for you to expect that as well. I see why you'd prefer it, but it would be financially detrimental to him. Once he's ( if he is) awarded the regular contact then he'll be able to potentially book welfare housing for the times she's with him. The army will help him with that. It's also not unreasonable for him to want to build a closer relationship between his daughter and her grandparents.

@Lizzt2007 I've suggested welfare housing, but he's not interested. He only wants to take her down south. I suspect so he has help/babysitter.
It would cost him less to rent than I pay nursery fees. They are just financially detrimental things kids 😏