My child’s father threatens suicide all the time

[WelshMumsie]

Hi,
I'm looking for some advice, I live 35 miles away from my sons Father.
my son attends a school local to his father which means 3 times a week I do 140miles a day to take him to and from school. He also plays for a rugby team local to his dad, so I take him on a Sunday which is 70miles round trip.

I moved a year ago in with my long term partner and we are expecting a baby. My son is over the moon with being a big brother and we are all really excited!

Onto what I’m looking for help with,
Every time my son’s father does not get his own way, he threatens suicide. He done it many times when we were together and I would always take it seriously, now I’m just done with it. He’s asked to have his son after rugby to go out for a meal with his family, I agreed as it’s not his allocated day with our son, I advised that I can’t really afford to pick our son up that evening so he was welcome to stay up there or he could bring him home, this started a huge argument where he does as he always does and swears, shouts etc. The jist of what he said was “you shouldn’t have moved then and if you can’t afford it, maybe our son should move in with me”. Along with swearing etc.

I will hold my hand up and say, I did loose my temper back which I normally bite my tongue and told him if he feels that way, I’ll seek the advice of a family solicitor on custody and fight him to move our son to a school closer to me because I’m not having him treat and talk to me like that anymore. Then the threat came, I basically told him to do what he wants. I feel so bad about this now but I think it finally needed to be said. I’m sick of him using it that to control me.

This has been going on for years now and I cannot take it anymore. What would you do in my situation? Is there anything I can do?

For those saying he won’t do it - you are probably right, but what if he does? I’m in no way saying bow down to his demands, but be clear that you take his claims seriously and will be informing the police - for his sons safety. I think you’ll find that he realises that his claims will stop - just be aware of what he moves onto next.
Also, think carefully about his secondary place. If he ends up going to a secondary near to his father you will see him less and less as social activities will mean he’ll want to be there .

Every single abusive fucker I've met (and there's been many due to the job I used to do) always threatened suicide when they didn't get their own way and not a single one of them ever properly attempted it or succeeded - mostly because they are all cowards at heart and also they love themselves so bloody much and their massive egos think they are something special.
Utter wankers the lot of them.

Agree with advice to challenge him over competency to care for your child. He'll soon shut up then.

He's being manipulative

Ignore him

My dad said this to me after I caught him cheating on my mum. I hadn't said a word, But he knew I had seen him. He even detailed what he wanted to be dressed in at his funeral. I was 15 years old, was very, very angry, and couldn't say a word. My eyes were stinging with anger. I've never told a soul, but have never, ever forgiven him.
He's still with my mum. Obviously loves her, but god, he's continued to be abusive and horrible.

Time to move schools and for him to make a life aged 9. It's much harder at secondary level. I had to do it three times.

Not sure about some posters suggestions.
I don't think you should waste police time and call the police even if you don't believe there is any truth in what he is saying. That's too wasteful of the police's time.

If I’d known then what I know now (that you could ask police to do a welfare check on a “suicidal” person) I’d absolutely have had them on my ex’s doorstep.

You made me laugh so much.

Just make sure you have proof before going to court but i would ignore him fully. People that use it as a threat will never do it, he just wants to manipulate the situation.