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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Help-can I leave/how do i leave

6 replies

Cheesecake1989 · 23/01/2024 20:10

apologies for the long thread. I feel ill even posting this as I know what the responses will be. I’ve posted before and everyone said to leave the situation but I just don’t know how to or if i can. I’ve been with my partner (I say this very loosely as we literally live together and co-parent). Basically it’s been nearly 20 years of ups and downs. I’m very social, he isn’t. He’s had multiple periods of addiction and we are now in 40k debt 7k of which is in my name. I found out two years ago that he’d spiked my drink on a couple of occasions (I clearly remember each as I honestly thought I was going to die). He admitted it to me just because he had told a mutual friend who rightly so said they would tell me if he didn’t. He said he’d get help and I forgive him and we went on to have another baby (do not regret this as my babies are my life). Since then it’s just crap. We are good as parents together most of the time. We tried initially to work on things but he works from home, doesn’t go out, doesn’t have friends even though people have asked him to socialise he just doesn’t put the effort in. Back in the summer he sent me a long message out of the blue saying how I was to blame for him drinking (I do like a drink but never push him to) and how things have to change. We haven’t shared a bed for years as he said he couldn’t sleep due to my snoring but now says it’s cos I have both children permanently attached. I just don’t know where to go from here. I’m posting this as tonight my daughter asked for something and I said we couldn’t afford it. I then asked my partner how much is actually in my name and he said are u seriously bringing this up now. He’s in a debt repayment plan but I don’t have the logins to my cards so I imagine it’s just the minimum payments being paid. Everyone around me thinks Iv got my act together and the perfect family bit of truth be told of it wasn’t for my kids I think I’d have ended it long ago. This isn’t a cry for help I just need advice or similar stories with happy endings.

OP posts:
Cheesecake1989 · 23/01/2024 21:29

? Any support/advice

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 23/01/2024 21:34

So you’re not married, so no divorce needed.
Do you own or rent? If rent, whose name is on the agreement.
Do you work?
Do you have your own bank account?
Where is the child benefit paid into?

MigGirl · 23/01/2024 21:37

Sorry I don't understand why you don't have the logins to your cards? Has he been taking out cards in your name?
Surely at best this is finical abuse. Even before you leave you need to take back control of anything he has in your name. You just can't trust him with it and he may have ruined your credit score.

Cheesecake1989 · 23/01/2024 22:02

Not married, rent in both our names. He took the cards out ages ago in my name. Tbh I don’t even know why Iv posted cos what can I do. I just feel so sad and pathetic

OP posts:
MigGirl · 23/01/2024 22:14

Op I think it's great you've posted. The first thing I would do in your situation is go see citizens advice. He's taken out cards in you name and building up debt on you, this is a crime. If you know the banks/finical institution He's taken them out from you could contact them and tell them what has happened. They should be able to stop him using them. It's identity theft which he could get in serious trouble for.

cestlavielife · 23/01/2024 22:21

Start by getting card details snd go talk to the banks
If they in your name they yours

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