Would I be entitled to anything at all?

[Worriedaboutleaving]

I’m worried about my future and thought someone here might be able to help. We’ve been together for 20 years and are married and have 3 kids (youngest with special needs).

I paid £40k for the deposit on our first house but my name is not on the deeds.

Although I’m working I have very very little income. I’m the primary carer of our kids and DH has supported me with me doing my own business, but it hasn’t really worked out and we’ve lost money on it.

If we separate - would I be entitled to anything at all?

Yes! Why wouldn’t you be?

Yes. How much equity in your current home? How much does your h have in savings and pension?

I’m not sure how old our youngest with Special Needs will be when he leaves home - and if he would ever be able to live independently. So would it be different if when / if are no children at home?

If you are getting divorced then the first thing that is looked at is supporting the children.

As there are three kids and one is disabled then clearly you as primary carer need supporting.

Once the children's needs are met (so they need to be housed etc) then assets in the marriage are looked at. As you have been married for a long time the starting point would be a 50:50 division however the fact you have a disabled child would mean that it is more likely you would get more.

The major assets are usually the family house plus any pensions.

Thank you @Octavia64 - it’s being able to support / care for my youngest potentially for life that’s worrying me - my husband thinks that carers can take care of him outside of school hours so I can work but while the kids are in full time education I feel that as we can manage - having a parent at home when they get back from school is so important.

I’m absolutely not knocking families that don’t / can’t do that btw.

But it’s meant I haven’t built up my career in the same way to enable me to look after and support the kids & myself if we separate.

It depends though. Will he be able to house himself if the house isn't sold?

It does t matter whether your name is on things as you’re married. It will all considered joint marital asset and in a pot for division should you divorce

if you’re not if the deeds though I would put a home rights claim on the land registry title which will parent him selling the house without your permission

You are in a pre serious position though - unless you’re husband is very high earner you’re unlikely to get ongoing permanent spousal support so you could find income limited ….

In a long marriage the starting point would be 50/50. It doesn't matter if you are not on the mortgage. If all your kids are at school you'd be expected to get a job even if it's part time whilst they are in school. You could claim UC but again you'd be expected to work maybe 20 hours. You could claim extra for having a disabled DC. If you continued to look after DC and your stbxh has them one over night in week and every other weekend he would have to pay child maintenance. Also ask to pension share. Your contribution to marriage has been to care for DC allowing him to go out to work.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I really appreciate it. I did look in to adding my name on to the land registry - but I couldn’t do it without him knowing - ie they’d inform him - which would cause problems so I didn’t do it.

Presumably I would need to move out with the kids - but I can’t afford anywhere - and certainly nowhere big enough for all of us. I couldn’t possibly leave without them.