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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

STBXH keeps texting me

6 replies

howtocope · 16/01/2024 19:48

After a year of separation we've decided to divorce. Fine. Now H keeps texting me asking about solicitors, the fees, the divorce process, etc. I feel like telling him to fuck off and do his own research. It's like he wants me to hold his hand through the process. I'm trying to be patient because I'm a SAHM and am depending on a generous settlement, but it's really annoying. Especially after a year of almost no contact.

It follows a pattern in our relationship where he would make a mess of something then leave it to me to sort it out. He's the one who says he fell out of love with me, he's the one who gave up on our marriage. Now he's leaning on me to provide answers he could find for himself. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 16/01/2024 20:23

Almost no contact and you have kids? Is he not seeing them?

He needs to get his own solicitor and ask these questions to them. It's a conflict of interests asking your advice. You could recommend his 1 star solicitor to have a better chance of getting a good payout.

Pootles34 · 16/01/2024 20:25

I'd be replying with incredibly bland, unhelpful answers 'hmm, not sure ' 'tricky isn't it' etc, he'll soon give up.

Didsomeonesaydogs · 16/01/2024 20:26

“I’m sure you’ll work it out”

You don’t wife for him anymore.

howtocope · 16/01/2024 20:35

I like the idea of bland responses. He's texted today asking how much my solicitor charges per hour. I've just ignored it.

When he gave me the spiel about getting divorced (I swear he rehearsed it), he said he wanted us to stay close and remain friends. We're not friends. He's been a complete asshole for years. It was a whole gaslighting monologue that rewrote what I've been experiencing from him. And then he started texting me as if the divorce is a collaborative project. Sorry, realising that maybe I needed to vent a little. Blush

OP posts:
Jas683 · 16/01/2024 21:52

Apart from a few essential calls, I went no contact. Children are adults so that made it easier. It avoids not saying something you might regret or just simply getting into a war of words. The whole process is likely to take its toll on you so I would advise you to take some paths that create some harmony for you.

OliveToboogie · 17/01/2024 01:03

Just ignore or say mmm not sure, need to check, get back to you. Then delete text. Time he put on his big boy pants and behaved like an adult.

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