Separation / coparenting and boundaries

[wildlingtribe]

• this is a toxic coparenting situation. A lot of alienation but now also different rules for stuff like rules & boundaries.

Do you have agreements about screen time/ what your child is exposed to etc?

Toxic Co parenting is counter parenting. There is no good way to deal with that head on and no way to agree boundaries. The counter parenting means the other party is going to at best ignore you and at worst thwart you.

It’s an absolutely shit situation for children and for their development.

However using your example, setting screen time limits isn’t something I would welcome under a co parenting arrangement. It’s crossing over into being intrusive in how the other person parents. If you have a good relationship you can raise it as topic but not as a demand. This might get you both to a point where you agree to limit things. If you both see it as a good idea. A counter parent would probably respond by increasing screen time opportunities.

You need to keep intrusion into areas where it is important. If your child is allergic to a food item. You both need to be aware and you both need to avoid it. You don’t need to be told that by the other parent. Neither parent should try to impose an elective diet on the other based on personal choices. A counter parent would throw away information on diet restrictions and give them junk food.

It's very hard. I feel that the way he allows them there impacts at home though. The sore screen eyes, the late nights, the withdrawals, it's really not on.

I try to say about our daughters skin allergies - doesn't really get taken seriously. I get told I'm being bossy.

No - I'm being her mum who has dealt with this. He hasn't.

Birthday parties. I've always arranged them. He decided to do it this month. - hasn't even arranged anything and my son will now be let down. And somehow it'll be my fault. Why say it if you can't follow through?

The list goes on.

Doesn't help that he lives with NARC MIL