Divorce settlement and legal aid options advice please

[Malbab]

Hi all
i am posting on behalf of a school mum that I know of , I am not aware of her full details entirely but she came to me looking for some advice desperately and I don’t know how best to guide her , any suggestions would be gratefully received
she is 43 mum of two girls one is 17 and the younger is 13 , has been married for over twenty years to her husband who is very successful , I knew he ran a couple of nursing homes but she said he also runs several petrol stations , hotels etc and owns multiple rental properties ,( we did a quick search on internet and it came up with his name on companieshouse as director and also other people names as co directors for those companies ) Her name did not come up as any share holder or director on any of these companies , but she says she had to pay 4000 pounds tax to Hmrc recently she doesn’t know how this came about ; she is someone who stayed at home all these years never worked or have any sort of worldly knowledge if u know what I mean ,she is south Asian and it is not unusual for women in this culture to blindly trust the husband and sign in all the documents as asked to do so by husband ( I know because I am from the same ethnic and cultural background) which is what she has been doing all these years she doesn’t seem to know anything about his financial affairs😞
anyways she says for the past two years they are separated , he now lives in another town with the two girls and she lives in the same town in the same house , he has continued to pay the mortgage and bills for the house she is living in and has been sending her 500 pounds every month for her expenses.
another complexity is that she seemed to have had some sort of mental health breakdown ( which is one of the reason she came to see me as I work in mental health ) and was admitted to hospital in 2022 although now she seems to be doing ok ; this breakdown is also related to relationship breakdown ( which she attributes to his controlling behavior verbal abuse over the years and also she suspects some sort of affair between him and another lady whose name appears on companoeshouse as co director ; she knows this lady also for many years and the business dealings betweeen them goes back several decades ) husband is about 53 years old if that is relevant. Because she was admitted to hospital she somehow has lost custody to both girls social services were involved at that time and she only was granted supervised contact ,however the person who was nominated to supervise (a mutual friend) seems to have now withdrawn and avoids contact that my friend no longer able to see her children ; she hasn’t spoke to her ex husband for past two years as communication has broken down
she doesn’t seem to have any friends or family recently her car got written off and now not able to drive or afford to buy a car
she doesn’t know what to do or whom to approach , some mutual friends in her opinion seem to side with him apparently
the questions really are
is she eligible for any free legal aid ? The house she is living now is in both their names and there is considerable equity in there but she has no income
can she claim any benefits , if so how ?
what legal recourse she has to ask for a fair divorce settlement , she has no clue about his full financial worth ! She cannot afford to pay a lawyer she says …one year ago the husband had sent a proposal through a friend where he offered the house she lives to be transferred to her sole name ( there is still outstanding mortgage of about 282000 but house is valued about 1 million but needs some repair work etc) as divorce settlement she has not signed that paper ( which was not a legal doc just a handwritten A4 sheet paper ) but is it the best scenario for her to accept this as she has nowhere the knowledge or resources to fight for anything more !
can she challenge the children custody arrangements ( at present they are with dad who is looking after them , he is a wealthy man both girls attend private school etc) it is very sad she is in tears when talking about the girls 😢 how can she challenge this , she is in contact with them on phone and FaceTime
I have no idea about any of these issues and don’t know where to start !! Any advice appreciated thanks in advance

One more thing - is mediation an option and how will that work practically please?

She should see a lawyer. If her ex is offering a house with 720k worth of equity as a starting offer she will be able to pay for it from her settlement. I assume she will sell and downsize to be able to afford her lifestyle.

She won’t have lost custody for a 17 year old. The child will have chosen not to see her mother. It’s a more borderline choice for the younger child. However the mother needs to find someone suitable to supervise the session. Realise its likely the children don’t want anymore contact than FaceTime. IMO that is their choice and it should be respected.

Your friend should concentrate on sorting out her life and her divorce.

Any custody battle would be against her children’s wishes.

In your capacity at work are you meant to helping her with these things?

Are you helping in capacity as a professional or as a friend?

I get you are trying to help her, but you likely don’t have the full story. Especially, given the ages of her children.

Does she have any evidence of abuse? I believe that’s the only way to get financial aid for a divorce.

Evidence of an affair is neither here nor there. But some being part of a business isn’t evidence of an affair. I am concerned you are out of your depth and in your desire to help could end up being damaged personally and/or professionally.

Hi
sorry to not clarify , I have no professional relationship with her and I am aware about the professional boundaries - to be precise I work in my role in a completely different catchment area and she is under her own local mental health services , she came to me because I have spoken to her few times at school and we speak same language and same cultural background etc and have some knowledge on mental health issues etc
thanks for your advice above

Thanks for this
I’m the younger one should be 13 or 14 ( she said she must be in year 8 or 9) do children at this age choose the parent they want to live with? She says the father is coercing them…
I have suggested she can speak to her mental health nurse to request any supporting letter to state that she is adequate to be able to parent children etc don’t know if that will materialize or will help though …

I agree that at the children’s ages - especially the 17 Yr old - unless there are exceptional circumstances you would think that they would see their mum if they wanted to. And no court would impose contact on them at their age. It’s very sad and I hope she can rebuild a relationship with them.
he is paying her monthly (albeit not much) when she doesn’t have the kids at all so he is still supporting her to an extent.
she may also be eligible for universal credit.
she could do the initial free half hour that some family solicitors offer. I don’t know if any of them do it so they are paid once the settlement is through.

There is or has been social services involvement. Your friend should and probably has expressed her concerns to them. There would have to have been a considerable failure for them to have not only not seen it but deemed it necessary for her to only have supervised visits.

Even if a 17 year old is making a bad decision no one is going to make her see your friend.

Can a mental health nurse even write such a letter? While the mental health nurse maybe able to say is getting better and can look after herself, the mental health nurse wouldn’t know if she is capable of also parenting her children.

I am not saying she isn’t, but I don’t know how a mental health nurse would be able to, professionally, say this.

Agree with this especially how could they say this given they won't have seen any evidence of parenting?

Thank you , I meant they could write a general suppprtive letter stating she is stable with her mental health , no current risks etc agree they can’t say specific details but may add some weightage
it is sad she now not able to see her daughters at all 😞

Maybe he is but realistically it's a moot point. She was given supervised contact only which is pretty unusual and it won't look good that she hasn't done everything in her power to keep that up. She's not going to have any evidence. The eldest especially will be seen to have voted with their feet and certainly no court will consider anything kn regard to the 17 year old. Even if they wouldn't already, by the time she got into court her younger daughter would likely be old enough that the court will follow her wishes.

She needs to focus on achievable steps forward, find someone else to supervise and re-establish face to face contact. It might be worth getting legal advice but I'd think once her daughter turns 18 she'll be able to see her without any supervision anyway. Maybe she can look at getting unsupervised contact.

She needs to find a lawyer who is willing to take payment from the divorce settlement and start the process of financial seperation. I expect this will be more expensive then paying up front. She should be careful and get an idea of costs up. If he's a high earner he should have a good pension she'd also get part of.

She could try entitledto to see what if any benefits she can get.

What is her current income ? Is she working or on benefits? If she is working then is there some way she can scrape together enough for an initial solicitor consultation. She really needs to speak to a professional.
Ultimately the MH state and access to kids aside and potential affairs etc don't really matter from a financial order perspectvr , she has had a long marriage and is entitled to a share of the assets. It may be that this man will.hide some of them but there are plenty of assets to be looking at (house,shares in company).
It sounds like she can get a divorce and get a reasonable settlement. In terms of access to children, the ages of kids means their wishes will be considered and if I were her I'd concentrate on rebuilding contact gradually eg finding another friend for supervised contact or just sending messages or having phone calls.
But she definitely needs professional support in this !

She is not working , she is not claiming any benefits either the husband is sending her 500 pounds every month and he is taking care of the mortgage and bills

If Social Services were involved and supervised access has been recommended or court ordered there will be a reason for this. At the time if the decision and at any review they will ask for a report on her medical status from whoever is responsible for her care.

Mental illness is not in itself a reason for supervised contact. But safeguarding is a reason for it.

She needs to claim benefits or she will not be building up credits for the state pension.

The teens are the age where a judge would allow them who to live with and how much they see the other parent. Considering that dad pays for their school, I can imagine them wanting to stay at their current school so choosing dad. Both girls are exam years (oldest doing a-levels, younger doing GCSEs) so best to keep them at their current school. Bringing up custody risks him stopping paying the fees which isn’t good for the educational stage. It’s not fair but realistic as dad is abusive.
It’s unusual that she got supervised contact with her girls. I think that reaching out to social services and getting the supervised contact tweaked so it works (new person supervising or whatever) is an avenue worth exploring. 17 is probably too old for that but hopefully they would liaise with dad with regards to the 13 year old. She needs to be prepared for the girls to say no because of dad.

Does she have proof of the abuse? Eg GP That could be used to argue for legal aid but I’m guessing that it may not have been done for cultural reasons and fear.

How long has it been since she has seen the kids?

Why on earth is she not claiming benefits? Tbh I think her ex could be treating her a lot worse, he is 100% supporting her by housing her and giving her spending money.

If she is receiving financial support from her husband- effectively spousal maintenance her means tested benefits wouldn’t be much. Non means tested benefits wouldn’t be impacted if she is entitled.

Being cynical if he is that wealthy this is probably far cheaper to him than getting a divorce. If he doesn't rock the boat she just stays there in her litlte bubble and he wins. He could be using the time to divest and hide assets and the relative cost of what he's paying for and giving her isnt much to a wealthy man. He also gets to look good with mutual friends and his DDs, I expect everyone knows how 'kind' he's being and that he's supporting his ex, when the truth may well be that he was abusive and he's gone a long way towards destroying her and her mental health.

We have a very different situation as DC live mostly with me and he isnt actually paying anything including child support, but my well off EX loves to tell people including our DC how he pays for everything and how 'supportive' he's been.

OP said shes getting 500 pounds per month directly from him, surely that's below the threshold? Would the mortgage and bill payments count as spousal support?

To get legal aid for divorce there must be domestic abuse. I needed proof of involvement from DASU/women's aid. I don't know what the earnings cut off is