Hi. I’ve read a lot of threads on here but feel I need support tailored for me please. I’ll have to do this in bits as I have to keep putting my phone down and the message I type disappears.
ny husband is abusive and has been for many years and I now want to leave.
why I never married him I do not know. Why I didn’t leave before our baby was conceived I do not know. Why I didn’t leave earlier I will struggle with for a long time. I feel a huge sense of shame at the situation I am in
the abuse can be physical in so far as he pushes me out of the way if he’s arguing or in his stonewall moods. But mainly it’s emotional and verbal abuse.
he stonewalls for days on end. He began stonewalling me on Wednesday night after he fell out with me, to me it wasn’t a thing but he lost his temper and told me we were done. It’s obviously Sunday afternoon now for timings
we have a baby who turned 1 very recently. I’m on holiday from my maternity leave. I’ll be starting a new job at the end of this holiday. We have no family support within 1 hour.
I understand he can’t be compelled to leave. We own our house. We’re married. I feel vulnerable as im not working and have depleted my savings on mat leave.
things I want to know:
- what sort of biding time and ducks in a row stuff do I need to do?
- is it advisable or wise to report his behaviour to the police? Does this bring peace knowing that he’d maybe be spoken to or a future woman can gather how his anger and temper affect his behaviour?
- he’ll want 50/50 purely to avoid maintenance. Is this really appropriate? The child is so young and he’s a nice father in many regards but has a short fuse and leaves most parenting to me. I find it deeply distressing when he snaps at the baby when he loses his temper because the baby is just frankly being a baby. He has also subjected the baby to being a witness to abuse. While of course he’d not see this once we’re not together as it should stop I worry about the care he’d provide after a long day at work and our baby struggling with nursery and new emotions of toddlerhood etc.
- ive started a diary on an app on my phone which can be padlocked so he wouldn’t be able to open the diary even if he found it on my phone. On there I’ve recorded what he does with our child on evenings and weekends and overnight. I’ve also recorded the behaviour I consider abusive.
- I have audio recordings of him vitriol from the other night. He won’t find them as they’re emailed and filed away and otherwise deleted off my phone. Should I continue to do this if he subjects me or the baby to further abuse?
I struggle to know where to begin and see how it’ll pan out. I’ve had enough though as it’s no environment for our child to be brought up in
typically he’d end the stonewalling by making me apologise for my conduct and offering no apology himself.
im of course not perfect but genuinely I’ll forgive a lot of things ans talk stuff over. He has never apologised to me over the years for anything. He has once and it meant so much to me i told him so. It matters as while I can forget stuff so easily nor should I have to I’ll move on positively so forgive. But when he makes me apologise I know and have known for ages it’s gaslighting. The issue on Wednesday truly wouldn’t have been an argument for me. It erupted due to him and was a non issue. He has told me for a while we don’t get on and he mentions divorce and doesn’t like me. He’ll never make a step though. It feels controlling to leave me to have to navigate it and sort it.
rhanks for reading for this far. Sorry it’s wordy and waffle. I haven’t got a clue!!