Finances

[Welcomeking]

Hi,

I am in a position where I am considering a separation/divorce having endured a dysfunctional and abusive marriage but I am worried about finances and where I will end up as I am a low earner. DH earns approx 50k I earn 25k, we both have pensions and one DD aged 15. Before we met DH put 40k deposit on a home which I later moved into and I contributed to the bills etc (not sure I have full proof of this but he will, as I paid money into his account).

We then had DD and I still contributed but worked PT to look after DD which was both our choice, plus it saved on nursery/childcare fees. We then married and have now been married for 11 years. We bought a new home together 4 years ago, both on the deeds, mortgage etc. The equity in the home is around 330k.

First question is, is it likely I will get less as I didn't contribute to the deposit on the first home (we were not together at this point)? Is it likely it will be a 50:50 split?

These are all things I need to consider financially. My earning power simply won't improve that much considering the type of work I do, however, I have always worked.

Would love to hear your thoughts. Be kind.

Sorry your marriage is not working out.

With medium term marriages, unlikely imo who paid more deposit will be a factor. It’s usually seen as an overall pot. If I were you, I’d ask for 60% total pot on account of your being lower earner. Pensions need to be considered too and are part of overall pot. Have you spoken to a solicitor?

It doesn’t matter who paid what and the 40k deposit is neither here nor there, it’s intermingled in family finances

yiure both entitled to a fair share of assets which could mean 50:50 or some alternative. He’s not a high earner so it will come down to

needs and housing of your child (both of you will be deemed to need housing adequate for her to stay )
your relative ages ( eg one older /nearer retirement?)
earning capacity eg can your 25k be increased ?
pensions

based on the v limited info here there’s nothing to suggest a material deviation from 50:50

also your child is nearing 18-where theylll not be considered in housing needs ….

Even if you were to get nothing, that still isn't a reason to stay with him when you're so unhappy.

PP are right that you're likely to be entitled to 50% of all the assets. But even if you weren't... People figure it out. Don't stay just because you are afraid of not having enough money.

@Tosca23 .Thanks. No I haven't spoken to a solicitor yet

@millymollymoomoo thanks also. Doubtful my 25k could be increased (work as a support worker).What relevance does the age of our relatives have? just curious. Also, does this mean if I, for example, divorced when DD is 18 the split would alter so I wouldn't be entitled to as much as I'd no longer be considered primary carer. Maybe naive questions but this is all new to me.

I agree in a sense @lljkk but I need a roof over my head and DD, even if the split of childcare is 50:50

Imo based on my similar position you would get at least 50% of the total assets. If you and your DH can come to an agreement you could agree for example that you get 70% of the equity and he keeps his pension. Or 50/50 split of equity and pensions.

The length of your relationship is taken into account, not just the marriage, the deposit will go into the pot to be split. If you will have your dd more than 50% of the time you could push for a larger asset split, also because you are the lower earner and because you sacrificed your potential career to work part time to raise your dd. From what you've said I would think a 60/40 split in your favour would seem fair.

You will likely get half or more of the house equity. Will that be enough to buy somewhere else ? Will you be able to get a mortgage for the rest if you can't buy outright. These are the things you need to consider.

Solicitors should give you a good idea re possible split of assets. Where younger children involved, that can mean a higher % of financial split potentially from what I have seen. As your child is a bit older you won’t have that advantage unfortunately . Still some judges will also take in to account that age 18 doesn’t mean kids leave home in most instances, so may think it appropriate to give a larger share than 50%. Your lower earnings may also be taken in to account.

anyhow most divorces don’t end up in court, matters get negotiated privately or via mediation. When you do get to the point of negotiating, you could ask for 60% with a view to settling on 55% if need be.

The whole thing can be scary and overwhelming but mumsnet is a good place to get support. You might also want to get a counsellor to help you through it. It’s important to get legal advice too.

I did t mean the ages of your relatives

i meant the ages of you and your souse relative to one another . Ie if one is 40 and the other 55 then that person much closer to retiring, mortgage length impacted , less time to build up pension etc.

when your child is 18 they are deemed an adult and not needing housing

however as said, unless there’s pots of other assets then you both have pretty equal needs and you’re probably looking at near 50:50

The closer your dd is to being 18, the more likely you are to receive a 50/50 asset split.

I had one 2 x 16 year olds and one 17 year old living with me when i divorced and i got 50% of the assets. However, this was enough for me to purchase a home for the 4 of us, with a small mortgage.

@Babyroobs I could possibly buy a flat with the equity and a small mortgage. I think the most a lender would give me would be around 60k so not a great deal.

@NotSuchASmugMarriedAnymore I think you're right. The closer my DD gets to 18 the less we'd/I'd get. Maybe I should have thought about this properly years ago. Is there ever a right time.

The problem or not I have is I am from the borders, after moving here to be with this man and quickly falling pregnant with my DD i somewhat trapped myself. I have not much of an idea what my DD will do in terms of university/work/training etc but I have no plan on staying here in the long term in this part of the UK. I hate it. Ultimately I want to move back to near where I am from so I don't want to divorce for example, buy a flat here knowing I don't want to stay here. Any advice would be most welcome.

Thanks for all your replies

Oh sorry completely misunderstood @millymollymoomoo I am 49 and he is 56.

So while you earn less, he has c6 years less mortgage ability or ability to recoup any pension. That will also be a possible factor in an asset split

7 yrs even.