Post divorce success stories

[HelpWendy]

Hi everyone,

I really need to change my mindset.

I have always been ambitious but with young kids the last 8 years or so, I have become lost in my career but unfortunately still have the ambitious streak. But it's got no focus any more and with divorce looming I am terrified that I will be so constrained that life for everyone will be basically sh+t and I am now starting to see why people stay in marriages.

I am finding it so hard to imagine any sort of better future and what's the point, we should just stay together, having a muted marriage and plod along.

Please please I would love your input - I am struggling to see a future.

Thank you :)

How would divorce constrain you? What would the custody arrangements be? Would you stay in the marital home?

What sort of success story do you want?

Yes he is staying in marital home, his family home. I will rent (not too exp) so okay.

It's just I'm coming out of small kids and I feel like I'm never going to be able to earn proper money again, or that all future opportunities are different now as a Mum. I don't know why but my confidence has been so knocked, I feel unrecognisable to myself and I just cannot see the opportunitues in life and I could possibly fit into them.

This is hard because pre marriage I was a total go getter.

I guess around independence. Rebuilding yourself, being self sufficient and happy.

Not necessarily around future relationships, I don't want to go near one until the kids and above are sorted and I am confident again.

My stbxh is a good guy, but our marriage has been dead for years and we cannot seem to revive it. I just want to hear some positivity so I know the imminent heartache and change from status quo could be worth it.

4.5 years ago, whilst on a romantic break away, celebrating our ten year wedding anniversary, I discovered my husband had had affair number 3. 4 years ago almost exactly, he moved out. I had two young children and had recently left behind my successful career to do something new to fit around my children and my husband's job. I was back earning what I had been as a new graduate and COVID hit... and I was made redundant from the new job (albeit temporarily as COVID increased our work). I had majority custody (he had them eow) of the children and no family around. My ex became an absolute monster during the divorce (think emotional and financial abuse). 2 years ago he starved me and the children out of our family home and I had to start all over . I was broken, not sleeping at all and a complete mess. I suppose that was my rock bottom.

Today, I am in my own lovely (little!) home and have recently been promoted to COO of a successful company and earn over three times what I used to. My children are settled and happy and I have the most amazing, loving and supportive boyfriend. My dad actually commented just the other day, that I am the happiest he's seen me in over ten years

So... Was it it scary? Yes! Was it hard? Unbelievably so! Do I regret it? Not one bit!!

You never know how life will pan out but you only get one shot at it! I hope that helps reassure you xx

Wow well done, thank you!! So good to hear your story xx

How did you get to COO??? Incredible.

I have realised I really want my own business, I have such dreams about it, I just have to figure out how to make it (or one of the ideas) possible.

I suppose a lot of it was luck! When COVID hit and business boomed I got the chance to show skills that hadn't been used before and I threw myself into work as a cooing technique as my life was pretty crap. I also have an amazingly supportive team. The two directors are both parents so are completely on board with flexible working. I do think some of it is also being my own person, not being in my exH shadow. He was a big personality and controlling. The divorce gave me a huge kick to stand on my own to feet and the opportunity to prove to myself that i could do it. I guess my biggest driver is wanting to make my kids proud of me