Feel Trapped!

[LaBmW4e]

First time poster.

Please help me and tell me how to proceed.

Living with partner (not married) in house he owns (mortgage only in his name) for nearly 2 years, been together nearly 4 years. I'm mid 40's him early 50's.

We chose and moved into this house together but I did not go on the mortgage as my credit rating was poor. Partner owns fully but I contributed a decent chunk 50k towards deposit. This deposit is ring-fenced by a declaration of trust doc filed with the property deeds.

Since moving in we have shared all household costs 50:50 (4k per month total approx) including mortgage costs. For the record he earns nearly double what I earn and this is his second property.

Relationship has deteriorated (he has anger issues that are way more pronounced since we moved in together) and I cannot stand to be with him any longer. We tried couples counselling beginning of last year but made no difference. I have told him that I want to sell up and separate. We have agreed to sell the house but obviously all the control around this is in his hands as he has ownership and he is dragging his heels and insisting on a ridiculously high sale price.despite being advised by EA to lower the price he is refusing. House been on the market since October. When I challenge him on all this he gets angry and goes off on one. Also his conditions of selling up are

• I have to pay the estate agent fees 6k
• I have to pay any mortgage redemption fees: he tells me 10k but I am not sure of that and have no way of checking the paperwork as he keeps it hidden
• Any reduction in the price that he has decided the house must sell at is coming out of my deposit

I desperately want to move out but I am worried he will not sell and therefore give me my money back.

He says if I move out he may just keep the house, move out himself and then rent it out; which would be the worst outcome for me.

Do I stay living here? Should I keep paying the monthly costs incl mortgage?

I feel trapped.

I know I have been an idiot so please be kind in your replies. I just don't know what to do for the best now.

For your info he has 2 dc 12 and 14 who no longer want to see him due to his anger issues and the way he speaks to them which tells you alot about the kind of person he is.

I have 1 DS18 who I have moved over to his grandparents house* in sept* until I get us a new home to live in. He cannot stand dp and has been witness to his poor treatment of me and my distress many times. I will never forgive myself for putting him through this. For the first 16 years of his life it has just been the 2 of us together.

Dp was so loving, (what I now know what 'love-bombing') at the beginning and I was vulnerable having had only bad experiences with men so fell for him hook line and sinker. Mumsnet has actually been a source of great comfort and allowed me to understand what has been happening to me but I only discovered it last year.

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read and for any advice.

I think you need to see a lawyer ASAP to check where you are legally. From a non legal perspective, his demands are ott.

Yes I did ask my old solicitor used for sale of old house that drew up the dec of trust. She was not that helpful and is just a more basic conveyancer I think. I asked her if she would represent ‘ my interests’ in the sale of this house and outlined the risks as i see them and she just said ‘how can I represent you if you are not named on the title’ so I realised I would not get anywhere with her.

What sort of solicitor should I try to find?

Maybe some one more used to divorce/family law? I realise this isn't a divorce, but someone who is used to entitled men trying to call the shots....You want someone who you feel has your back in this, in as much as it's legally possible. Doesn't sound like your previous one fits the bill. I realise this is an additional stressor at an already stressful time.

I wonder if there's any way of sort of nodding along, not putting anything in writing, and letting him think you agree to the money coming off your deposit - and then just pursue him for the whole lot legally once you are free and clear.
Or get recording of him coercing you angrily and argue that you only agreed as you were scared.

This solicitors offer 30 mins free advice over the phone and the female solicitor was brilliant. I really felt she had my interests at heart with her advice. I'd recommend giving them a call. You don't need to be local xx

https://www.belllax.com/site/relationship_disputes/

Not married and no children. Unless your on the deeds he can legally just kick you out with no rights whatsoever as far as I know.

Yes that’s true but my question really is more around reclaiming my deposit money in the most efficient way. Plus how likely is it that he can deduct from that. A secondary concern is getting some money back that contributed towards mortgage each month. But I don’t hold out much hope with that. He is a very difficult person.

There's a legal section on here and a couple of lawyers on that board that might be able to point you in the right direction.

Have either of you considered the idea of him increasing his mortgage on this or the other property and pay you out without selling? Then he can do whatever he likes with it. Good luck with it, currently in the middle of divorcing a controlling man myself, its soul destroying.

Thanks all for the helpful comments

I am sort of just 'nodding along with things' at the moment as if he perceives any sort of challenge to him he just goes off and I get a tirade of abuse and all the 'how dare you treat me like this' even though this all stems from his behaviour. I would never treat anyone the way he has treated me. I would go as far as saying from the initial period of dating to us living together he did a '180' with regards to his personality. It has been a shock to the system and this stress is taking a toll on me mentally and physically.

Even with the estate agent he has has insisted on keeping me out of any organisation of this and if I ask what is going on he accuses me of 'harassing' him

Yes I have suggested to him that I am happy for him to keep the house/ rent it out or whatever if he just pays me my share but otherwise don't feel it's sensible to move out. He could increase the mortgage I think but I feel he does not want to make things too easy for me!