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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Separation finance advice and where she stands.

27 replies

Caughtinapickle · 10/01/2024 09:47

Hello, a newb here so go easy 😊
I am asking advice for a friend who is now being slowly pressurised by her ex.
Was with partner for 20 years, moved to the UK 18 years ago. They never married as he didn't want to.
She works and earns just enough to live month to month. He pays £280 mnth for the children and covers mortgage, she pays all of the household bills. Has 2 children 11,13 .
When she moved to the UK, the partner never put her name on anything (mortgage ect) and ran the shared bank account and took her wages. Took the pension of 20k she had built up before moving to the UK.
They separated 5 years ago, she moved out but children were unhappy so moved back in and he moved out and currently rents and they do 50/50 week on week off.
He is now pressuring her that he wants to move back in then sell the house when the mortgage is due for renewal 3 years time and will give her half of the proceeds (nothing has been given in writing). He earns 100k+.
Does she have any claim or options in this situation, i can see the stress is taking its toll on her.
I suggested citizens advice but does anyone know any other organisations for advice and guidance in these situations. 🤔

OP posts:
LemonTT · 10/01/2024 10:08

They aren’t married. She is not on the deeds. She didn’t pay the mortgage. There’s a case to say she is entitled to nothing. However if he offers 50% of the equity then she should agree. Assume that will cover the 20k. Which was probably invested in the family home one way or another.

She will get CMS going forward and can claim UC.

HappyAsASandboy · 10/01/2024 11:03

It sounds like she is legally entitled to nothing but child maintenance (minimum should be whatever CMS calculator says, but he may give more).

If he is offering 50% of the equity then she should take it as morally she is entitled to it.

Not being married and/or named on the deeds of the house has made her very vulnerable. She is basically left with nothing unless he decides to give it to her.

GoldDuster · 10/01/2024 11:15

If I were her I'd take 50% of the proceeds of the sale because that's more than she would be legally entitled to. Best that she sees a solicitor to get the facts though.

Mumof3confused · 10/01/2024 12:00

She should take the 50% but get that nailed down and in writing now with solicitors so that he can’t go back on his word. Child maintenance via CMS.

She has time to prepare between now and then.

TinyYellow · 10/01/2024 12:04

He has every right to live in his own house that he pays the mortgage on. She is unmarried and entitled to nothing, so her ex is being generous to give her 50% of the house profits.

C00k · 10/01/2024 12:05

He's giving her £280 despite the fact they parent their kids 50/50, and pays a mortgage on a house he doesn't live in?
She needs to urgently support herself, why has she chosen to not sort any of this for five years?
He could remove her from his property any minute, and likely would pay minimal or zero with CMS.

Original poster
Caughtinapickle · 10/01/2024 13:02

I should clarify, she had no control over her money until they separated 5 years ago. So could an argument be made she was contributing. After seperation she pays all of the bills for the house, council tax elec gas water so on and so on.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 10/01/2024 13:28

She’s entitled to nothing legally

and she’d have an expensive legal fight on her hands to prove otherwise

Overthebow · 10/01/2024 13:34

She might have a claim on some of it if she can prove she’s paid in, but it may not go in her favour. If he’s offering 50% she should take it.

Meadowfinch · 10/01/2024 13:38

She needs to talk to a solicitor.

There will be a paper trail that shows her salary and her pension went into his bank account, and he paid the mortgage, at least partially with her earnings.

She also needs to get that commitment to give her 50% in writing.

Mumof3confused · 10/01/2024 16:56

What would she expect to get more than 50% if she claims to have contributed? She’s been living rent-free for 5 years. I imagine he’s entitled to charge her rent. I would not challenge this if I was her. It’s only going to cost her in legal fees and she might end up with less!

LemonTT · 10/01/2024 17:19

Caughtinapickle · 10/01/2024 13:02

I should clarify, she had no control over her money until they separated 5 years ago. So could an argument be made she was contributing. After seperation she pays all of the bills for the house, council tax elec gas water so on and so on.

She could argue anything but what would the point be. She needs to prove she financially contributed to the property either through a share of the mortgage or home improvements (he agreed to). By the sounds of it she hasn’t actively paid anything.

TBH I think he wants her out of the house and. Ishtar be dangling money to achieve it.

She should get the money and then move. She won’t get any more than 50% of the equity and if that is offered she should take it and run. The next offer might be nothing.

She has actually done alright for the last 5 years. She should take the payout and get her own place. Fighting this would be wasting money on lawyers and she might be asked to pay costs.

Avidreader12 · 12/01/2024 07:10

I think she needs to check legally about the house you advised she lived with him with a shared bank account if the shared bank account paid the mortgage then she has paid towards the mortgage get some legal advice.

millymollymoomoo · 12/01/2024 07:33

Doesn’t matter if she paid the mortgage which it appears she didn’t anyway

unless she can clearly demonstrate an agreement or intent that as a result she would gain a beneficial interest it doesn’t matter. even then she’s likely to only receive some of the money back not a large share of equity or entitlement to house. If she’s not on the deeds she’s simply been renting,/paying living costs as she would have been if not living with him.

if he genuinely wants to offer 50% of equity ( and if it was the other way round everyone here would be telling her not to, that he’s not due anything blah blah) she should bite his hand off and take it

lljkk · 12/01/2024 08:24

She should bite his hand off to get the 50% equity offer in writing, asap, via lawyers.

How many years ago did he move out & start renting (4?), how many years has he been paying the mortgage on the property she lives in without him? Who pays for insurance and maintenance on this property?

Original poster
Caughtinapickle · 12/01/2024 11:22

She pays for all except the mortgage, fully decorated and maintained the property since he moved out.
I get the feeling his ultimate goal is pushing for custody as if/when he asks her to move or kicks her out she wont be able to afford a decent rentable property to raise the 2 boys in.
I honestly dont feel he will actually put the 50% equity in writing and if she starts to press him on it he has bouts of explosive anger stating he is financial difficulties (taking home 6k per month thats laughable). The property he rents is a 2 up 2 down.
He pays her half of what he should if you calculate it on the csa site but uses the mortgage as leverage against her.
Its a horrible situation for her to be in.

OP posts:
TinyYellow · 12/01/2024 11:56

Paying her own bills and council tax in a property she lives in alone doesn’t count for anything. It’s what all adults are supposed to do.

The mortgage isn’t being used as leverage against her, it’s providing her with free accommodation. Expecting her CM to be paid In full as well as her housing costs being covered in full would be taking the piss.

Mumof3confused · 12/01/2024 12:48

What is he asking her to do? He wants her to move out now and wait for her 50% in 3 years time?

Perhaps she should suggest they go and see a mediator. I don’t personally think it’s good for her to be living somewhere that he pays the mortgage, it only allows him to use it against her if he is abusive. Also it’s not offering her or the children any real stability.

Has she suggested trying mediation?

LemonTT · 12/01/2024 14:36

Based on what you have written she has no interest in the property. She has lived there for 5 years without paying the mortgage or rent. That is a big period of adjustment to plan for a move into affordable accommodation.

Her case to claim an interest (based on what is written) is weak. It’s his house, in his name for which he holds the mortgage and made mortgage payments.

She should assume his next step will be a court order. A lawyer will advise her on what she can do. This may never materialise in her having an interest in the property.

The CMS calculators will throw out a figure. But generally this won’t apply in the 50:50 split. So if she makes a claim she could end with no CMS. In fact this is very likely.

on the face of it she has done better than she would have done legally for 5 years. She has been housed and received child support she probably wouldn’t have gotten.

Whataretheodds · 12/01/2024 14:40

If you were writing about the situation as it was 5 years ago there might have been a case for financial abuse. I'm not sure if that is useful given the time that has passed, but it would be worth her contacting Women's Aid/getting legal advice.

Allisfairinloveandwar · 21/01/2024 00:00

Reading this, my worry is the guy is playing her for a fool. Once the house is sold and the money goes into his bank account. She will not have a leg to stand on. With the house she has a chance of remaining in the property until kids reach 18 under the children act I think 🤔 and also bring her case to court for the money she has invested in the property whilst they cohabitated. Whether or not she gets something will be up to the court to decide. But i would definitely recommend court route. It also slows down things while her kids get older.

millymollymoomoo · 21/01/2024 07:42

tuebknmy court route possible is tontrybtonlodgeca clsim
under tolata and sch 1 of childrens act…. But these are very expensive and in all likely based on what’s written here she won’t have a leg to stand on
honestly she is fighting a losing battle

she needs to accept that, let the guy sell his house, accept any money he is prepared to give as legally she’s not entitled to x as my ( a sch 1 claim won’t even give her a share it would only allow her to live there fir a period) But don’t give her ownership or equity rights )
she need to claim uc, find somewhere to rent and get on with her life and he’s been generous allowing her to live there the last 5 years

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 21/01/2024 09:26

Allisfairinloveandwar · 21/01/2024 00:00

Reading this, my worry is the guy is playing her for a fool. Once the house is sold and the money goes into his bank account. She will not have a leg to stand on. With the house she has a chance of remaining in the property until kids reach 18 under the children act I think 🤔 and also bring her case to court for the money she has invested in the property whilst they cohabitated. Whether or not she gets something will be up to the court to decide. But i would definitely recommend court route. It also slows down things while her kids get older.

The Children Act doesn’t give any right for an unmarried partner to stay in the property until the children are 18 in this situation. The only way it can be used is to transfer property to the child (and for the mother to live there) is if the father is very well off - think footballer’s wages. £6,000 a month wouldn’t come close.

You may be thinking of a Mesher order (which allows an ex-spouse with primary residence of the children to remain in the marital home until the children are 18)

She isn’t married (so a Mesher order isn’t possible) and the courts will almost never make Mesher orders these days anyway.

She can certainly claim for funds she put into the property but she really needs to take legal advice because it may well not prevent him evicting her - just allow her to get compensation later.

Edited because the Children Act may be relevant for the super wealthy.

LemonTT · 21/01/2024 13:28

The children’s act is relevant and it isn’t for the super wealthy. It can be used to secure the deferral of a sale for a period. It is used when there is no other housing option. It is not used as a preferred option. If the woman receives enough equity to rent and can claim benefits she won’t be able to use this option. It will never give her an interest in the property. It won’t give the children an interest In the property either.

As part of the order she might be required to pay the mortgage. She won’t get financial support for this. She might not then be eligible for CMS.

The OP should help her friend see look into the options. It may well be that she is can be house and receive benefits that support rent and living costs. She needs to be realistic about ever getting any money out of the situation. Or relying on her ex.

Hatty56 · 21/02/2024 21:41

Hello,

I am looking for advice,
Is anyone on here know about divorce.

If anyone can reply/help, I can explain situation to go into more detail.

Thank you in advance

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