Equity divide - I am probably screwed!

[24istheyear]

I know I need legal advice but if anyone has any advice- would be so grateful

Equity in house is £180k. All put in by me due to sale of flat I bought before I met him.

Married for 6 years.

He is on £27k through choice. Still works full time. Halved his salary as didn't want stress.

I'm on £75k through working my arse off for last 6 years

I've been reading that I will have to give him almost all equity in house so DC get equal homes. But even if he took every penny he would struggle to get a mortgage on a place that could house him and DC comfortably where we live.

Is it not possible that I would buy him out and give him £70k or something but then he rents a nice house? I'll give him the car etc. Just don't know if I can survive if he takes every penny of the equity and it still isn't gonna get him a home round here as he doesn't earn enough.

He has been giving me a few hundred a month. Probably contributes 20% to mortgage and childcare.

Any thoughts?

@LemonTT are you saying that the court wouldn’t expect someone to take on a better paid role within the same organisation, in order to maximise their income, if that option was available to them? Someone who wants less responsibilities and has chosen to avoid promotions aren’t expected to step up?

Interested in this, as my ex has ducked and dived for YEARS whenever promotions were suggested but also his barrister at the FDR said that my qualifications means that I can go and get a high-paying job in the city ‘tomorrow’ which is completely bonkers, they made out that I had qualifications which I don’t have. They were making the argument that I could go out and earn a high salary based on these ‘qualifications’ and also said I am a ‘very accomplished individual’ which the said was evidenced by the fact that I am a LiP. The judge didn’t really have much to say about it for reasons which I now won’t go in to.

Yes @LemonTT @Mumof3confused I'm confused too - so he is already full time but if he was a manager in his company - he could be on 50/60k (he used to do this role) but he stepped down as a lifestyle choice because essentially he could because I was earning more - not to look after the kids but to reduce stress and enjoy life more. He was doing a better paid role only one year ago. Surely they would look at that and say - well, now you're getting divorced, you can go back to management. Or not how it works?

It’s a nuanced issue. At its simplest it means working FT or to the top of your professional qualifications. A general degree could turn you into a high earner but most people with degrees are average earners. More specified and specialised qualifications can define a potential salary and a career break won’t make much of a difference. For other roles stepping off the career ladder is something you don’t come back from easily and it’s not worth the argument.

Stepping down from a good job is different from coasting on a low wage.

I just wanted to make a quick point about rentals. In my area (and many others), there are so few rental properties available that they command a huge premium - it would be cheaper to buy than rent. This has been a relatively recent change.

it sounds bonkers to me to work out the split on basis of supposed earnings potential.

@peanutbutterkid my understanding is that it comes in to play mostly where someone has been a SAHP but actually they could work, or someone’s working PT but there isn’t anything stopping them from increasing their hours.

Also if one partner earns £50k and the other earns £120k, the higher earner might need less of the capital based on their income and mortgage potential.

Some people are work shy and try to make out they can’t earn more when in fact they can very easily do so but simply don’t want to step up.

yeah that's why I think it's bonkers. If someone is a SAHP for 5 years, who can say what their earnings potential is now, just because they had a high earning job before.

Or if they had severe illness which is why they stepped down from that high paying job, and seemed to 'recover' after they took a less stressful job. Do they still have 'high earnings' potential or are they just being 'workshy'. Who can say with any confidence?

It’s not bonkers imo and assesses what someone should be able to earn and makes it clear that they should be expected to pay their own way rather than rely on an ex

at the other end of the scale if someone is a high earner why assume they can continue to be, placing all financial risk on them? Ie they get less assets but then they are expected to continue in a high paying job not factoring in risk of redundancy, illness, age etc making that hard to ‘guarantee’ over time.

it’s not right to assume one party is capable of earning but the other not

in op case, her ex is quite capable and has no reason why he can’t earn more / he just chooses not to. Fine, but op shouldn’t be expected to pay for that lifestyle choice

Yeah - it's not that hard to prove @peanutbutterkid of course if someone takes time away from their career to bring up kids - then that is their huge contribution and i agree hard to then estimate what they MIGHT earn if they go back.

But in my case - DH is working full time so he hasn't taken on more childcare which is obvious as he works from the office, and he was earning twice as much a year ago. There is no illness.

If people are earning less or not earning at all because they've become SAHP or become unwell or have no qualifications or something - then that is easy to prove no? None of that is true in this case. He is earning less as a direct result of me earning more.

Why did you go for an interest only mortgage?

On such high salary I'm surprised you haven't paid off any capital since you bought current property; or did you buy it in last 3 months?

He is earning less as a direct result of me earning more.

This was my life OP. I earned 3x my ex

3 young children - two a year old and a primary ager

He chose to earn that salary / he could earn more but chooses not to for an easier life

Equity split was circa 65/35 in my favour. No pension sharing (mine are worth 10x his)

The whole argument that both parents should have homes of equal standing is a bit misleading - my solicitor said it's not like that all. Especially when you have such a disparity in income.

is this on the wrong thread @peanutbutterkid ? i haven't said i'm on an interest only mortgage - I'm not.

@hanschristmassolo this is v encouraging. your solicitor sounds great. it's such a big decision who to get as your solicitor and the right one can make all the difference i guess. how did you find yours?

Another thing to factor in is that a court won't be impressed by someone who has chosen to minimise their earnings where they have capacity to earn more.

As regards savings when you instruct your solicitor ask to pay some money on account so that it is already in effect "spent".

@hanschristmassolo did you have the children the majority of the time, or was there some other reason why you got such a large share in comparison?

@Mumof3confused

I do have them the majority (all) of the time but I guess it's a bit chicken and egg - if he had got a bigger share of assets then he could have afforded to get his own place with space to have the kids a lot more. He got a smaller share so that has constrained his budget hugely. He's in shared accommodation but frankly I couldn't care less

I also argued that with the twins childcare costing £2k a month alone then the financial offer I made was the most I could afford. I will be paying childcare of £1k a month even when they start school for before/after school care until secondary. I also argued as the main earner it would be me supporting the kids into young adulthood hence why I wanted all my pensions

I also said I'd take on all outstanding family debts - like an IVF loan and home improvement finances we still had. But this was a bit of a smoke and mirrors offer since it was me paying them all anyway before the divorce

I made it clear he could get a better paid job but chose not to - printed off lots of adverts with jobs paying £10k a year more 😂

Just got home at 7.30pm after a killer day at work - I had politely asked if he could at least 'start bedtime and maybe give them a bath'. Nothing. Just waiting for me to come home and deal with them. Both say in their clothes watching youtube. (they are under 5)

Problem is people always say "oh a man like that won't want his kids 5050" but you bet your life he will tell the court he wants them 5050, and actually if I didn't exist - he would just do it. The lazy bastard just has so little respect or care for me - he just waits for me to do it all when i'm back

Honestly, maybe I just stop researching the what ifs and just go to a fucking solicitor tomorrow and if they take all the money - so fucking be it. Just get me free.

Equity in house is £180k. All put in by me due to sale of flat I bought before I met him.

So... why is there only £180k equity in the house, all put in by OP as proceeds from other property that is nothing to do with almostX) unless OP & her futureX were on an interest-only mortgage... or they bought at peak prices which have since fallen, I suppose.

Or maybe OP & partner were renting until they only recently purchased, and OP had segregated all the finances on another property that she had from before relationship ?

@peanutbutterkid who are you talking to?

My advice would be that when you do separate, ask him what division of contact time he wants (exact days of the week) and then start with that from day 1.

Write an email to him confirming the agreement. Ie you will have Mondays and Tuesdays, I will have Wednesdays and Thursdays, and every other weekend we have Friday-Sunday.

Then stick to this. Literally do not enter the house. On his days, he gets up, gets them to wherever they need to go all dressed and washed facilitates by him. He feeds them, puts them to bed. Etc.

Keep a record exactly of what happens if/when he defaults and what the excuse is. Communicate about this via email only to keep a record. Once in court, if you can show that your agreement 6 months ago was this division but he’s only managed 30% and not 50% - how can he be serious about 50%?

Or he might realise he can’t do 50% and back down on that.

Just asking OP why there is only £180k equity in the house.

@peanutbutterkid you were just talking as if the OP (e.g. me) wasn't able to answer - like you were asking other people on the thread why there is only £180k in equity. The £180k is an estimate - of the deposit plus the v small amount we have paid off in the short time we have lived here. Why are you asking why there is ONLY £180k? I don't understand why that is confusing.

@Mumof3confused yes - thank you - i will do that. i feel so sad that i have to force this situation and have the kids be let down by him and have so much disruption in their lives. but i can't continue as is. i'll crumble.

You might be surprised at how much he actually can manage. It’s a bit like a slap in the face when they suddenly manage after ALL the years of navel gazing and leaving it all to you.

Set divorce ball rolling quick so you can argue he never benefitted from this salary.