What to do with house/Mesher

[Comparingapplesandoranges]

So it has been coming for a while now, but the divorce was finally mentioned yesterday and now my DW (same-sex relationship)would like me to and the children to stay in the house and buy her out. The issue is, I don't have £100k to buy her out (although I could run the house on my own with the current set up). I desperately don't want to leave as our 2 young children are adopted and so stability and permanence is so important to them. I work part time to help support our children's additional needs.

I'm also angry because she has decided to leave and hasn't discussed the impact on the children, only her financial set up.

I feel so stuck and I don't know what is for the best. Everything is so overwhelming right now. I have a solicitor appt booked for in a couple of weeks but the anxiety is so high. I just want to minimise the impact on the children who have already experienced so much instability and loss.

So many variables here

ultimately if she’s unhappy she can leave
that doesn’t mean she intends to walk away from the children though and can still be an active parent so youll both need to discuss child arrangements

re the house it will come down to earnings really
courts don’t like Meshers as it generally ties couples together, impacts on one party’s ability to purchase as capital is tied up elsewhere, causes problems down the line for party remaining who when children are -18 often find themselves unable to remortgage etc and owe money on house that has appreciated in value
even less so if children are young.

unless she’s a v high earner usually the court would award a sale

you mention additional needs , that might be a factor depending what those are.

usually you’d be expected to return to work full time / maximise your earnings and settlement is based on earning potential etc

yiu need to consider what other assets there are- pensions? And once you have that look at possible settlements

id always say? It’s natural to initially feel you want to keep the house. But don’t do so at all costs - its just a house and children will be fine wherever their parents are happy

I am sorry this is happening.

Mesher orders are rare now. But not unheard of.

and they can usually be hugely damaging for the person remaining in the home.

Is your wife a high earner? They will consider the ability they have to house themselves while being on the mortgage.

Also, you will need to cover all the bills and upkeep of the property yourself from your own income and child support payments and spousal maintenance (if your wife is a high earner).

Also when the house does come to be sold, your ex will will get a portion of the equity. Even though you paid for and maintained the house.

Lots of people (usually women) find their mesher order coming to an end and are in a worse position. Their income hasn’t gone up as they hoped they have to give a sizeable chunk of equity to the ex. But they also can’t afford to buy a house to house them and their adult children.

There’s been quite a few threads here where women coming to the end of a mesher order, wish they hadn’t done it.

You could look at staying in the house for a smaller number of years. But again it’s the same.

I think all people can say is get legal advice and make sure you really understand what your rights and responsibilities would be so you get no surprises when it comes to the mesher.

There are many types of mesher order. But they all have downsides for one or both parties.

The most common form is where the non resident parent forgoes their share of the equity for a period of time. This could be a few years or until the child reaches a certain age. In this arrangement you would need to be able to get a mortgage. If no lender will agree to give you a mortgage you have a problem.

In more extreme cases (parent can’t work and children have high dependency) then a court can order that the joint mortgage stays in place. Or, they can put in place a mesher order for a smaller property.

Benchmarks in divorce cases are fluid. But for most people adequate housing is a bedroom for the parent plus a room for each child. It can be rented or bought. It will be seen as something both parents need.

As a pp pointed out you need to look at all of your options. Most of which will involve change and downsizing. A mesher order only defers that problem. IMO the younger you are the more time you have to address the financial consequences. Especially in terms of work and careers. If you paying off a mortgage you want the full benefit of the asset rather than handing half over to you ex.

The counter for any claim you make to get a mesher order will be the availability of suitable and affordable alternative housing using your share of the equity and likely (maximum) income.

it takes so long to divorce that you wouldn't have to move for at least a year for now, if you do have to move. You have a lot of breathing room. We got a Mesher order but only for 8 months, which was all we needed.

I had a very amicable divorced, we agreed within 3 days of the decision exactly what to do, and we still needed 1 year to execute the decision fully. It all takes so long.

How many bedrooms is the property you are currently in & how many minimum do you need ? If your DC are same sex then the answer would be 1 or 2. 1 bedrm if you're willing to sleep in a living room (yes I know parents who do this).