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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Financial consent order not approved - so stressed

61 replies

HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 19:15

Been told today that the court wouldn't approve it but have not yet told us why?!

Ex refused legal advice despite me and my solicitor saying he should get it. He and I agreed a split (in my favour) and am now having kittens about it not having been approved.

My mortgage application was approved two months ago so I only have four months left before it expires. I'm SO stressed.

Anyone in a similar boat? Got any words of reassurance? Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 19:16

I'm getting so angry about the split all over again. He had an affair (again) and it's me left with the toddler. He is an inadequate parent and can't be trusted to safeguard her sufficiently for prolonged periods of time meaning I'm doing 95% of everything. There is no way I am prepared to give him more!

OP posts:
ItsReallyOnlyMe · 04/01/2024 19:21

My solicitor told me no court would approve my financial split - despite ex-H having agreed to it.

She told me there was a way to agree a divorce without the financial consent order but it means that the ex-H can always dispute it on the future - however disputes cannot take place if he remarries. I took the gamble of no consent order as I thought he would remarry as soon as we divorced. This proved to be the case.

Original poster
HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 19:25

@ItsReallyOnlyMe would you mind sharing what about your proposed division made your solicitor think it would never be approved?

You hear of instances where people sign over the house for nothing, and my ex isn't going to get nothing...

My solicitor left and a partner took over, but the original one said she had only ever had questions asked about one that was submitted and when answered the judge did then let it go through. Which made me feel reasonably confident.

OP posts:
ItsReallyOnlyMe · 04/01/2024 19:30

@HazelWicker Yes I did receive 100% of the house although with pension values this may not seem as inequitable as it seems in all cases.

I'm summary the overall percentage of total assets - house/ pension /savings was too much in my favour although I cannot remember the exact percentage.

Original poster
HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 19:34

I can't believe if both parties agree that it can not be signed off!

In my situation, I received a reasonably substantial inheritance less than a year before filing for divorce. We have both agreed I should keep the inheritance and that we should not treat it as a marital asset (not least because a reasonable proportion of it was actually my brother's inheritance, but he died and therefore could not accept it).

If I have to give him more, I can't afford to stay in the house. Which we both want for our DD. I would have to sell up and move. He doesn't want this because it's likely I would relocate if I have to go through the hassle of moving.

OP posts:
Haggisfish3 · 04/01/2024 19:53

Could you just give it to him and he give it back?!

Original poster
HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 20:01

Haggisfish3 · 04/01/2024 19:53

Could you just give it to him and he give it back?!

Have pondered this. Fearful he might not! In the same breath surely he could come back in years and say I made him do it and the court order was never adhered to?

OP posts:
Haggisfish3 · 04/01/2024 20:03

It depends how much you trust him.

Original poster
HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 20:07

Not at all given he cheated on me multiple times.

OP posts:
BountySunshine · 04/01/2024 20:13

Don’t panic. Just because not been approved does not be it won’t be in future (it’s quite common to initially get refused). You need to see why court has refused (they need to give reasons). Reasons could be:

  • something as simple as not all documents were loaded on the portal (mistakes sometimes happen)
  • something is missing from consent order - a needed term (again mistakes happen)
  • consent order isn’t as clear as everyone thinks and the judge has looked at and is concerned in future there could be arguments because a term is too vague
  • court wants more information to departure 50/50 (often a solicitor letter explaining in more detail why the settlement has been approved

You have a solicitor on board. I would be shocked if they have proposed a settlement which is utterly unfair. It’s not uncommon for judges to ask questions/clarification. You use to have a hearing for a consent order to be approved and so the court could discuss, now done on paper so judges tend to be more cautious (which is good). These orders are meant to be forever and so better to be cautious now then arguments in a few years.

millymollymoomoo · 04/01/2024 20:34

Once you remove the inheritance what’s the split of house / pensions ?

Original poster
HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 20:52

Taking out inheritance, it's 60:40 my way.

OP posts:
Original poster
HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 20:53

Thank you @BountySunshine 😭 I've gotten more stressed and upset through out the day and am in proper breakdown territory. I was really hoping to be divorced soon and 'free'. Thank you for adding some logical reasoning to my very irrational brain.

OP posts:
Dinkydoo17 · 04/01/2024 20:55

HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 20:53

Thank you @BountySunshine 😭 I've gotten more stressed and upset through out the day and am in proper breakdown territory. I was really hoping to be divorced soon and 'free'. Thank you for adding some logical reasoning to my very irrational brain.

You're not irrational OP. The finance part of a divorce is extremely stressful. 🤗

BountySunshine · 04/01/2024 21:04

@HazelWicker totally understandable. Even in most amicable cases, divorce is stressful and yours does not sound amicable. It probably doesn’t feel like this at the moment, but I honestly promise you that any vagueries, kinks being ironed out is likely to avoid problems in the future.

Shouldbedoing · 04/01/2024 21:05

I had a very unfair split of assets - entirely in my favour, but I got the house with all equity as I had the 2 DC. Pensions were equal, earnings equal, we'd brought similar assets into the marriage. Ex-H didn't expect to buy a house again as he was almost 60, I couldn't buy him out, he wanted security and continuity for the DC. So we wrote and both signed a statement explaining why it was all in my favour and that he had had legal advice - I doubt he had - and the judge approved it. Apparently, it's as important to protect guilty feeling men from grabby ex-wives it is to query financially abusive men who tell the little lady how it will be.

millymollymoomoo · 04/01/2024 21:22

@Shouldbedoing you were lucky as totally unfair to him

I can see why a judge is questioning the split op although difficult to judge if fair without understanding things such as earnings, values, inheritance etc

as @BountySunshine states you need to understand why it was refused . Is it process issue/ overall
split issue/ something missing

on paper it’s easy to see why a judge would question it, especially if ex does not have nor has sought legal advice. A judge will want confirmation that he fully understands what it means and is not under any duress to agree

TheDayBeforeYouCame · 04/01/2024 21:37

My consent order was questioned as I took less than I could have done to get away from an abusive situation. I made representations in the court and the judge did agree that it was a reasonable decision and I knew what I was doing and it was ultimately in the best interests of my children, BUT the judge was very keen to ensure I had received adequate legal advice (I had) and so I think you do need to press your STBXH to do this if he really agrees that its the right answer.

CrapBucket · 04/01/2024 21:38

I have no helpful advice but sending solidarity- I think it’s a terrible system that it will only give you half the information!!

Original poster
HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 22:42

Thank you so much for all the posts. Also makes me feel a lot better to know others have been in this situation or can feel the pain of it. Nobody in my social circle has gone through this yet so I don't know anyone with any experience.

In terms of earnings, I out earn him. I've got friends on MN who may recognise this so I don't want to say exact salaries. And I have noticed there is an error which has over inflated my monthly pay 🤦🏽‍♀️ but on what's listed, including maintenance, I have 1.7 times what he does per month. Take maintenance out and it's 1.3 times. I will speak to my solicitor about the error because if that can be updated it makes it 1.6 times with CMS or 1.2 without. Ie. It's him not having our child ever which is causing the bigger discrepancy.

I'm the one who took a year off work for maternity leave and spent a lot of pregnancy off sick. It's me who went back on reduced hours. He had more opportunity to progress his career than I did but he chose not to. It didn't 'benefit the family' or anything by him not bothering. Will be so cross if the judge has an issue with salaries.

Inheritance that's left is about £100k. I spent a fair bit already doing up the house and he has therefore benefited from the increased value thanks to that when working out the equity split. So by buying him out I am effectively paying him a premium for the work I paid to have done 🫠

The proposal is I pay him £70k in cash for his share of the house. We keep our own pensions (mine being bigger than his) and we exclude my inheritance. Mainly because I got it less than 12 months before the split and he had probably been cheating all that time anyway, ie. If I had known I may well have ended the marriage before I inherited anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
HazelWicker · 04/01/2024 22:50

The main issue is if he was to have more equity because my pension is bigger, for example, I can't afford to stay in the house. He has no chance of staying here. I'm the only one who has the potential to balance the books on it. But if I have to pay him much more than £70k I won't be able to. So we decided to keep our own pensions (as he does recognise I used to suggest he pay more in and he chose not to), he keep his shares from work etc.

Me keeping my £100k inheritance means I can afford to give him £70k and bring the mortgage balance down by £30k to make the monthly payments doable. By splitting, I've also ended up with all the pets, who cost the best part of £300 to feed and insure each month. So I did get the mortgage, but with the pets and an old and draughty house I will really struggle on a monthly basis to balance the books if I have to give him a bigger lump sum. Don't even start me on interest rates, am doing my very best to get promoted at work because the fix is up on the mortgage at the end of 2025. Or part of it anyway (I'm allowed to keep existing rates with current lender if I stay with them just as a sole applicant).

OP posts:
AutumnFroglets · 04/01/2024 23:18

Ex refused legal advice despite me and my solicitor saying he should get it.

^^ That is your problem. Get him to pay £200 for a one off consultation with a different solicitor so that he has had the benefit of legal advice. He doesn't have to take the advice but he does need to hear it.

MissSmiley · 05/01/2024 07:07

My ex refused to have a solicitor and my solicitor made him sign something to say he accepted that he had been advised to get advice and he didn't want it and knew the implications. Our financial order hasn't been approved yet because ex keeps delaying and/or missing things off the form, another delay tactic... it's been 7 years since we separated

millymollymoomoo · 05/01/2024 07:36

As pp your ex beds legal advice
but based on everything you say here, especially as you also out earn him , it does look unbalanced that you get 60% of equity as you are the higher earner

the point about taking a year off for maternity is not relevant as you still out earn him

add on the keeping the inheritance it looks even more unfavourable to him

of course, that’s possibly offset as you seem to say he won’t have your child ever ( why not??)

but you’ll need to persuade him to get legal advice to get this through
or youll likely end up in court and there it could go either way

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 05/01/2024 07:50

We agreed everything privately but didn't bother with the consent order, everything is amicable so we are fortunate in that respect. It's a small risk doing it this way but we didn't see why the court should interfere with our decisions