If you're having to live with STBexH whilst selling your house, how are you coping?

[DanielleandBobby]

We decided finally to separate only three weeks ago. Mutual, been a long time coming.

H signed up to online dating within a couple of days of us separating and has now been seeing someone, and spent nearly 24 hours with her from yeserday afternoon. He didn't tell me he wasn't coming home and I've spent the day feeling furious with him that he didn't have the courtesy to tell me. I know he's now single and free to do what he wants, but I'm finding it very difficult him being in the house at the same time as me now. We've got my one adult DC living at home with us and it's embarassing and awkward for them to witness all of this. My DC didn't know that things were bad and that we were going to split up .

The chances are that we won't sell the house until April at the earliest- and that's if we're lucky, so do any of you who've been through this have any tips on how to survive it? Today was horrible, and I've asked him in future to let me know if/when he's not going to be there. We are still running the house as before to keep things simple but the atmosphere is horrible. I need to be strong!

PS No question of either of us moving out before we sell the house due to our financial situation (although H could if he really wanted to).

Could you not discuss setting some boundaries re dating for your kids' sake too? Is he aware of how your adult child feels about it?

He could at the very least be more discreet about it. I'm also still living with STBX until our divorce comes through (6-9months!) and it's hell. Our split wasn't mutual though so not the same situation. He's still very much in love with me and grieving whilst I'm happy to be living a bit more separately (sleeping in separate rooms). There could be no dating for me- he would be devastated whilst living under the same roof, and the kids would be horrified. I just wouldn't consider it. I hope the time goes fast for you OP x

@YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat What a nice message, thank you. Yes, a bit of discretion from him would be very much appreciated and I agree re setting boundaries. His take on it though is 'well we've agreed to do our own thing, so I'll do what I like'. Great! I can't quite believe I've spent 10 years with him and he's changed into someone I'm starting not to like very much at all. Good luck with your situation - it sounds very difficult and agonising for you both. I hope also that time passes quickly for you. Take care x

I wish my STBXH would meet someone, fall in love and move in with her! It would solve the issue of living in the same house.

I also wish this!!! So very much. We are playing happy families for the kids at the moment, gritting our teeth to get through the days. The evenings are awful when the kids have gone to bed. Thank God it's back to work tomorrow 😞

@itisneverending Haha! I feel exactly the same. Perfect solution :). I have a gut feeling though that this one won't work out...

@YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat Yes, the evenings are horrible, aren't they? My H went to bed at 7pm tonight as he said he was shattered (I wonder why??). We've been sleeping apart for well over a year now thank goodness.

I feel for you, I'm in the same situation and expect to be living together for another 6 months. My xp is dragging out the split of our finances to hang into his money and benefit for co-parenting under one roof as long as possible, he wants to buy me out but can't easily afford to. I expect we will have to sell but he won't face this fact, it's infuriating. My advice to you is to see as little of him as possible. Do your own, and the DCs cooking and eat separately if you can, leave the house as much as you can - take up a new hobby or lean on your friends and spend as much time with them as 6ou can. My XP is also dating but pretending that he isn't, so perhaps thats easier than your situation. Pity the poor woman he's seeing, she doesn't know what she's in for!

You're in for a hard few months, but focus on imagining and planning for your future without him. I'm taking enjoyment from buying little things for my new place and planning the practical aspects, setting a budget for myself etc.

He is not single until you are officially divorced but you should look at it as you were right to split with such a man. You should prepare yourself for difficult times as in these cases usually it gets worse. i am going through the same thing since August and still not sorted. The best thing you can do is try and get him out of your mind as much as possible. Imagine yourself living on your own - he doesn't exist. Get out of the house as much as you can, keep yourself occupied and plan your next step. If you are getting divorced and splitting the finances there are so much to do in order to save money on solicitors. Read, watch videos and get informed as much as possible. these things are minefield .
Good luck and keep healthy. You children need you fit.

Not coping very well here. I either have to go out (been on so many walks in the pouring rain) or lock myself in my bedroom (my sons old room).
My stbxh has a horrible temper and I daren’t risk being round him that much. Been in my room since 12.30. Have a kettle and mini fridge in here. Good luck!

@Busbygirl Sending you lots of sisterly love! We will all come out of this stronger and happier.
Do you feel in danger? Have you got an escape plan?

Just checking on over three months later to see how everyone is?

@YouDefinitelyShouldNotDoThat
@itisneverending
@SendHelpPlease078
@Busbygirl
@JKM66

I'm still in the house with STBXH, who for the last two months has nowbeen with someone else (no idea who, and he's giving nothing away), but is unfortunately still living in our house. We sold the house, finally, a month ago so should hopefully only have another couple of months to go before we can move. I am counting the days. It's been truly horrible but I think I can see, or at least imagine, the light at the end of the tunnel now... Hope you're all OK 🤗

Thank you for checking in! Still here sleeping on the sofa. The equity transfer is about to go through and STBX is looking for houses but it's a long process. It's been nearly 6 months and it's really hard..keep telling myself it won't be forever. That's great that you've sold! Hoping it won't drag on for you and you can all start moving on with your lives soon xx

Thank you for the update and checking in. I am trying to stay mentally healthy so hard. It's heartwarming when you read stories that worked out. Mine is dragging and it would not be over before the end of the year but i have my children's support.
Good luck moving out and staring a new life.

@DanielleandBobby So kind of you to check in.
i am pleased you can see progress. It would be ideal if my stbxh was to meet someone else and move out, preferably a long way away. I don’t even want to co-parent with him.

I have recently been on a super holiday with my teenages but had the feeling of dread of coming home where STBXH is still living. However, I am putting my ducks in a row and hoping to move in with my parents. I can’t stay in the material home for much longer without my sanity being destroyed.
Also having nightmares of him attacking and raping me. He’s never been physically violent, mentally and financially-yes. The dreams then plague my mind during the day.

Gosh the same thing happened to me. Started seeing someone after 2 weeks when l asked him to wait for me to move out. He stopped for a bit then started sneaking around thinking l am to stupid to realise. I left the same day at l confronted him.

We have dc together and l don't know the person he's become.l thought we around always be on friendly terms but l can barely look at him at pick up.