Don’t say anything until you have answers to questions like “where will I live”, “who will take me to school”, “what happens at Xmas”
anxiety is driven, like fear, form the unknown. Do not burden your kids with those unknowns .
youans stbex need to sit down and figure out answers to all the questions you think they may have. You don’t need to be absolutely precise, but you need to know yourselves what is going to happen and roughly how their lives will work going forwards
only once you’ve got that sorted talk to them
do it togther. Rehearse between you first. Both say part of it so it is one message from both of you. Key point is that you will still both be their parents, that you have decided that it is better that you don’t live togther anymore - if possible avoid the “I don’t love daddy anymore”. If they ask, you need to have agreed a common phrase, along lines of reassurance that each of you is still lovable and it’s just that you want different things on life that mean you cannot remain married or living together in same house. Obviously if you are acrimonious it is more difficult, but do try to get consensus between you on what you say.
Turn it round quickly to the “what nows”. How it will and won’t affect them. Give them time to question. And also tell them and say we can sit all togther in a few hours again when you might have thought of more questions…give them space
rememebr children grieve too. Look at grief pathway to be able to detect some of the emotions they might go through and be able to offer a response to that. They may well display the whole gambit of denial, anger, bargaining etc which being forwarned about can help you deal with
choose a time that will not interfere with sleep or their down time. Early morning on Sunday might work. Time during day to think about it, come back with questions, worries etc. then school to normalise the next day and distract
might be worth giving heads up at school just so school know if child is not coping in first few days