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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband travels a lot for work, would I get to stay in the family home?

40 replies

isitsmallorfaraway · 29/12/2023 22:18

I'm in the early stages of planning for divorce. We own our house jointly and I work from home full time. We have 2 DCs age 15 and 11. I don't travel for work so am always around to look after the kids, take them to clubs, cook dinner, do bedtime etc. Husband has a new job that will involve travelling at least once a month for at least a few days / up to a week each trip). I don't see how we could split kids 50:50 as he often will be away. On that basis would I have a greater claim to be allowed to stay in the family home? If anyone has any advice or experience of this situation I'd be very grateful

OP posts:
Josette77 · 29/12/2023 22:20

Only if you can afford to buy him out? Can you afford the mortgage on your own?

Otherwise he's not likely to just give you the home, unless things are extremely amicable and there is an agreement to sell at a certain time, and you can cover the mortgage.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 29/12/2023 22:23

Generally the house is sold unless one can buy the other out or enough other assets

TippledPink · 29/12/2023 22:25

You can look at getting an occupation order which means you stay in the home until kids are 18 then you have to buy him out or sell it?

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 29/12/2023 22:25

Mesher orders are rare.
How much does he make? How much do you earn?
Can you independently fund the running of the house?
Can you afford to buy him out?
Can he afford to create a home for him and the children?

millymollymoomoo · 29/12/2023 22:26

Not necessarily
will come down to equity and assets available to split
earnings of both if you and ability to buy out/pay mortgage and bills/raise mortgage/house yourselves

a trip away once a month for a week is perfectly manageable

millymollymoomoo · 29/12/2023 22:27

@TippledPink thst would be a mesher and courts generally only look to these if they. Are absolutely last resort to ensure children are housed if there is no alternative

Original poster
isitsmallorfaraway · 29/12/2023 22:48

Thanks for the replies.

We earn about the same and don't think either could buy the other out.

In practical terms who would look after the kids when he's away with work? He doesn't have any friends or family who could help.

And while obviously I'd love to have them more than 50%, it doesn't seem fair that it would all be dictated by his work schedule...

OP posts:
wideawakeinthemiddleofthenightagain · 29/12/2023 22:54

One of my friends does 50:50 with her ex with them having the teen DC from sometime on a Sunday to sometime the following Sunday and then her ex-DH organises his business trips for the weeks when the DC are at her house. There were a few hiccups when they first adopted this approach but it seems to generally be working now or, at least, my friend has stopped ranting about it quite so much!

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 29/12/2023 23:21

isitsmallorfaraway · 29/12/2023 22:48

Thanks for the replies.

We earn about the same and don't think either could buy the other out.

In practical terms who would look after the kids when he's away with work? He doesn't have any friends or family who could help.

And while obviously I'd love to have them more than 50%, it doesn't seem fair that it would all be dictated by his work schedule...

That's not how it works. You're RP. So he does get to dictate it to an extent. You could obtain a CAO. But they will never force a parent to have more time than they request.

As RP you are likely to be able to negotiate a higher % of assets etc.

millymollymoomoo · 30/12/2023 09:19

Not if they earn the same
ex needs are same as op - to be able to suitably house the children

both me and ex do some travel for work. Simply organised with each other those times to ensure other parent was around. Or are you saying you won’t accommodate that?

if you earn similar it’s likely to be 50:50 split or assets or near to it regardless of who is ‘rp’

youd be best to think about what tital
assets there are, inc both of your pensions if you have them
housing costs and equity available
mortgage raising capabilities ( appears similar based on limited info here)
what housing costs in area are
can you downsize etc

Original poster
isitsmallorfaraway · 30/12/2023 13:29

Okay thanks everyone. I just assumed that as I'm the only parent who can actually be present to parent that I would have more of a a claim. Guess I'll get some legal advice and take it from there. Thanks again

OP posts:
LemonTT · 30/12/2023 13:38

isitsmallorfaraway · 30/12/2023 13:29

Okay thanks everyone. I just assumed that as I'm the only parent who can actually be present to parent that I would have more of a a claim. Guess I'll get some legal advice and take it from there. Thanks again

Your ex is going to be around most of the time. The parenting arrangement should try to accommodate that for the interests of the children. Presumably he will also spend more time with them during the summer. Even if you don’t do 50:50 he will still need a home big enough to accommodate his children.

The overall pot of assets and your respective incomes are far more relevant to the financial split.

millymollymoomoo · 30/12/2023 14:25

You’re not the only parent around to parent? Based on your ex being away maybe one week a month… or a couple of times but only away a couple of days each time

Original poster
isitsmallorfaraway · 31/12/2023 14:29

Genuinely not understanding .... if we divorce my husband won't be able to do 50:50. His availability will be unpredictable and less than 50%. How l that be dealt with so it's fair to me? Sorry if I don't get the basics of divorce

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 31/12/2023 14:35

isitsmallorfaraway · 31/12/2023 14:29

Genuinely not understanding .... if we divorce my husband won't be able to do 50:50. His availability will be unpredictable and less than 50%. How l that be dealt with so it's fair to me? Sorry if I don't get the basics of divorce

You’re talking about the plans for child arrangements rather than housing. Often child arrangements aren’t totally fair or 50/50. If he’s away, you’ll probably end up having the kids more then, but he might have them more when he’s home. It sounds like it needs to be a flexible arrangement.

Housing is different. For many divorces, selling the house and both couples arranging housing with the equity works best, unless one can afford to buy the other out and both are happy with this.

NewyearNewyear2024 · 31/12/2023 14:39

It doesn’t have to be 50:50. I don’t know anyone in real life who does 50:50 although it is popular on MN. I had my young dc 100% of the time with no child maintenance from exh and had to sell up as I couldn’t afford to buy him out. Both of us wanted to keep the house but couldn’t.

NewyearNewyear2024 · 31/12/2023 14:41

Also you need legal advice which applies to your particular situation as it is different for every couple. You have already received some incorrect advice on this thread.

Original poster
isitsmallorfaraway · 31/12/2023 14:44

Got it. Thanks so much. Obviously wishful thinking on my part! Thanks x

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 31/12/2023 14:46

You started off saying he’d probably be away once a month up to a week
or couple of times for a few days
now it’s more than 50% of his time? So away on average more than 2 out of 4 weeks?

regardless, even if he ‘only’ has eow he still needs adequate housing

your settlement will be based on your assets available inc pensions
thee total equity available
both your earnings and ability to get mortgages ( in your case these are equal)

if you agree to child arrangements which means you have them more you’d also get cms

but based on limited info here you’re looking at or near 50:50 split of assets.

btw your 15 yo is unlikely to come under any formal child arrangements and you’ll be expected to manage that between you

there are many resources online which talks about divorce process and financial principles.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 31/12/2023 14:49

The financial asset split and the custody aren't really linked, as the resident parent you may get a slightly higher asset percentage if it can be proven that you need to to adequately house the children but as you earn similar amounts and don't indicate mitigating factors i don't think this will apply.

To give you an idea, my split was 55/45 in my favour, and yes the house was sold

tescocreditcard · 31/12/2023 14:50

The very first thing you need to do is go and see a mortgage broker to see if anyone will give you a mortgage and how much they will lend you.

When you have that information you'll have a clearer picture of how to progress and what your options are.

How old are the kids?

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2023 14:50

I used to work away one week in four (roughly). If DH and I had split we would have done week on week off, making arrangements for my work. Because that would have been best for DD. Not for his housing.

Unless you're missing out that he's shit at parenting the rest of the time...

tescocreditcard · 31/12/2023 14:56

Oh, I've just seen you've got a 15 year old and an 11 year old. You need to get a move on otherwise you'll only have one dependant child by the time the divorce goes through and that will mean less money for you.

HeddaGarbled · 31/12/2023 14:56

You’re confusing two separate issues:

  1. How the children split their time between the two of you
  2. Housing for both of you

If you do decide that the children spend more time with you than with your husband, he will still need a share of your joint assets to enable him to house himself and the children when they are with him. If you don’t have enough assets to enable him to do that, the house will have to be sold and you will both have to live in cheaper homes.

If the children do spend most of their time with you, you may well get a bigger share of the assets but he will still need a reasonable amount.

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