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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Do I still need to pay?

13 replies

chazzy87 · 27/12/2023 19:44

Hi guys, after some advice. So me and the ex split up beginning of this year after 18 years together, no affairs or anything, i just didn’t love him anymore and couldn’t do it anymore. 2 kids, 14 year old daughter and 12 year old son. We’d recently bought a house with a fairly large mortgage (there was me thinking a new house would make things better 🤦🏼‍♀️) I’ve had to move out as he flat out refused and living together was not working at all. I’ve had to leave the children with him as I work early mornings and am not home for the morning school runs. For the last 6 months I’ve been paying my rent and my share of the mortgage. I can just about afford it but I’m only in a 1 bedroom house. The amount I’m paying altogether I could be renting a 3 bed. The plan was for them to stay over on my days off, but they hardly ever stay as there’s no room for them which I completely understand. Not having them regularly is killing me. I’ve had to take on an evening job aswell so I can’t even have them every evening 😢. I feel like I’m loosing them. I can’t afford to do anything with them or take them anywhere, meanwhile their father is living the life of luxury, taking them on holiday, buying things for them left right and centre (which he never did before we split). He took all our savings and took my car. He refuses to sell the house. Completely refuses. He can’t afford to buy me out (apparently).
My question is… if I stop paying my share of the mortgage, is there anything he can do? Will I still get a share of it if he ever sells it? (Not overly fussed about that) He absolutely will not let it go unpaid, he can more than afford it and won’t risk his credit rating being affected. Can I just stop? I just want to be able to have a house where my children feel comfortable in 😭😭
thanks for any replies x

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 27/12/2023 19:45

Get a solicitor and force the sale.

Floopani · 27/12/2023 19:48

Are you paying him child maintenance? As they are hardly staying with you, I would think this would be due. Worth checking to see how this compares with what you are paying towards mortgage, because if you stop that he may pursue you via CMS.

Phonedown · 27/12/2023 19:49

Is there a reason you haven't engaged a solicitor? You seem to have been a bit passive and have risked your relationship with your children. Why?

Bolloxforsure · 27/12/2023 19:49

I moved out when splitting from my ex and stopped paying mortgage so I could afford rent. No kids involved. He dragged the divorce out. When we finally sorted divorce and financial - some 8 years later - I got half the worth of the house at the time of divorce, rather than when I left/stopped paying mortgage.

Tigger1895 · 27/12/2023 19:49

Continue to pay until you hire a solicitor to represent you. That way there will be a legal record of all contacts between you and him. He can ignore the contact but it shows you have made an effort.

Original poster
chazzy87 · 27/12/2023 20:07

Phonedown · 27/12/2023 19:49

Is there a reason you haven't engaged a solicitor? You seem to have been a bit passive and have risked your relationship with your children. Why?

I had a free half hour with a solicitor which basically said i should apply for a divorce, which could either force the sale of the house or that he could keep it until the children finish education. I no this sounds like a cop out but I can't afford a solicitor/divorce atm. I know for a fact he would make it difficult which would end up costing more.
I honestly thought it would work with the kids n me somewhere else, which it has in one way, they have said it's better now me and their dad don't live together. But it's obviously not working x

OP posts:
Original poster
chazzy87 · 27/12/2023 20:11

Floopani · 27/12/2023 19:48

Are you paying him child maintenance? As they are hardly staying with you, I would think this would be due. Worth checking to see how this compares with what you are paying towards mortgage, because if you stop that he may pursue you via CMS.

No I'm not atm, that was arranged between ourselves, the money I give him is towards the mortgage and the kids. Im more than up for paying maintenance, would be a damn site cheaper than what I give him now x

OP posts:
FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 27/12/2023 20:15

Dh paid his separation fees from his ex out of the equity when the house was sold. So they split April 2005, house was sold feb 2006 that’s when the solicitor got paid but the courts ruled his ex pay half his fees because she tried to drag it out and it ought to have been a really simple case.

Ponderingwindow · 27/12/2023 20:15

You need to pursue the divorce and formal financial settlement so you can split your assets and liabilities fairly.

Floopani · 27/12/2023 20:17

chazzy87 · 27/12/2023 20:11

No I'm not atm, that was arranged between ourselves, the money I give him is towards the mortgage and the kids. Im more than up for paying maintenance, would be a damn site cheaper than what I give him now x

Show quote history

That makes sense, and it's perfectly reasonable to arrange maintenance between yourselves if you're happy it's fair. I used the CMS calculator to get an idea when I separated.

It's going to be hard if you can't afford a solicitor to force the sale of the house. I feel for you.

ClockHolly · 27/12/2023 20:33

You can’t afford not to get legal advice.

GrumpyPanda · 28/12/2023 14:43

If you pay half the mortgage then he also needs to pay you rent for your half of the house which he now has the exclusive use of.

Santalazy · 28/12/2023 14:46

You need to move back in and force the sale while living there. That way you’ll still see your kids.

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