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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Buying ex out of house at 44 y/o?

27 replies

Concernediam · 24/12/2023 15:21

Heads in a bit of a mess. We've decided, after yet another fucking ridiculous row escalated by that prick that we're done. I want to be able to tell him if he's said something twatty and not have him start shouting that it's always about me, I can't take a joke, it's always about "how I feel", he wants me to always assume he's joking or "didn't mean it like that" I.e. he never wants me to tell him hes been a dick or have to have to recognise he's been a cunt, he certainly doesn't like apologising. Ever. I think he's only apologised twice.

We owe about £30k and have 6 years left on the mortgage. House is prob worth about £180k

We have 2 DC, 14 and 12. My poor kids, I feel sick but I just cannot live with that insufferable arrogant miserable prick any more. After 21 years I've finally had enough of his shit.

I have no idea what I need to do. We're not married (thank fuck) I think i can take on the mortgage on my own if I buy him out. The money I'd save on his weird food tastes would be about £150 pm for a start.

Do I just go to a mortgage broker? Would I have to remortgage for the value of the house, put my half back in, and pay off the rest? Would I even get a 20 year mortgage on my own at nearly 44?

Could I ask for 2 valuations? I shelled out thousands about 10 years ago on something that, if I hadn't, would have made it impossible to sell our home ever (like a legal paperwork thing that needed to be done quickly). He scoffed at the time, didn't pay anything towards it, said I was stupid to believe what the Internet told me (the Internet being a fucking GOVERNMENT website aswell as a solicitor) so what I did added value. So I'd like to appeal to his massive arrogant side and remind him that of course, he'd hate to benefit from that wasteful, stupid thing I paid for, so his half will be based on what the original valuation would be (so I'd guess maybe £150k?)

I feel relieved. Gutted for the kids - they heard it all regrettably and both gave me a hug after he went out, although they are both on their games with their pals laughing away while I'm in the bedroom dreaming of how nice my house wil finally look once his horrible shit is out the way.

OP posts:
HeraSyndulla · 24/12/2023 15:27

You will both need to seek professional legal advice. Then take it from there.

Original poster
Concernediam · 24/12/2023 15:31

Thanks, would it be a conveyancer or just any solicitor?

Doubt he'd be able to afford that. Oh well.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 24/12/2023 15:38

Definitely consult a solicitor, but yes you will get a mortgage. I got a 17 year mortgage at 48 with a high street bank. It was no issue at all.

susiedaisy1912 · 24/12/2023 15:39

Get a free valuation in writing op and then find a solicitor to help you sort it out properly. I bought my exh out so that I owned the house outright, it was the right decision, otherwise he would have been entitled to half the equity in the house years later when our youngest turned 18 and I would have had to sell to pay him his share then, salaries will never go up as much as house prices.

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 15:49

bloody hell op - what timing to have made this thread.

For your kids sake i would park this for tonight and tomorrow

and then… come boxing day make this your MO

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 15:50

who’s the higher earner?
who has more pensions?

Original poster
Concernediam · 24/12/2023 15:50

Defo not interested in half equity crap when the youngest turns 18. Just want a clean break so I only have to stomach him when it comes to picking the kids up for visits which will probably only be 1 night a week due to his work.

Hes chipped away at me for years until I was getting to the point where it was always easier to not say anything that might make him erupt. I know he's going to be nasty, he'd already said this was all my fault and we're breaking up over my reaction to one comment. Stupid bastard honestly believes that's the reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
Concernediam · 24/12/2023 15:52

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 15:50

who’s the higher earner?
who has more pensions?

I'm higher earner and way more pension (about 3-4 private pensions I've paid into since I was 17).

OP posts:
Psychoticbreak · 24/12/2023 15:52

It is doable. I did it at . I went to the bank and basically while it is considered a remortgage it actually is a whole new mortgage you will need to get. The bank agreed although my ex hadnt been in contact with them for a long time at this point but it was agreed in court that once I was financially able to get him off the mortgage then he was agreeable which was good. I had to engage a conveyancing solicitor to get his name off the deeds but it was the bank that I did most work with.

Psychoticbreak · 24/12/2023 15:52

Bloody number lock I did it at 42.

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 15:53

and who did majority childcare whem younger?

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 15:53

50/50 children post separation?

Original poster
Concernediam · 24/12/2023 15:59

Majority childcare me/nursery/my parents. It won't be 50/50 he wouldn't be able to cope and frankly I doubt the kids would want to. He's a dick with them too about silly things.

OP posts:
rochenutty · 24/12/2023 16:00

bloody hell you made the right decision not marrying in the case

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 16:00

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 15:49

bloody hell op - what timing to have made this thread.

For your kids sake i would park this for tonight and tomorrow

and then… come boxing day make this your MO

take it you’re not going to do this?

Original poster
Concernediam · 24/12/2023 16:11

rochenutty · 24/12/2023 16:00

take it you’re not going to do this?

Show quote history

No ill forget about it for the next few days, kids are my priority and my reason for living so I can put a front on for them. I've already told them it's OK, grown ups do argue then we calm down and can talk rationally <hollow laugh>.

I know he'll tell them in time that it was all my fault, I couldn't take a shitty hurtful comment joke, I need help for my mental health etc - which is fucking laughable because hes the depressed paranoid stoner alcoholic who wants to be able to say whatever he likes with no consequence ever.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 24/12/2023 16:19

As you're not married, assuming you own the house 50/50 (both on deeds, no dedd of trust or other legal paperwork to agree a different % split) I'd suggest the first thing you do is speak to a mortgage broker or your existing bank to find out how much you could borrow and what the repayments would be. Yes you could take a 20 year term at 44.
Do you work full time? Could you/would you need to increase your hours?

Original poster
Concernediam · 24/12/2023 16:28

Whataretheodds · 24/12/2023 16:19

As you're not married, assuming you own the house 50/50 (both on deeds, no dedd of trust or other legal paperwork to agree a different % split) I'd suggest the first thing you do is speak to a mortgage broker or your existing bank to find out how much you could borrow and what the repayments would be. Yes you could take a 20 year term at 44.
Do you work full time? Could you/would you need to increase your hours?

Work full time, earn £45k. Have done some rough calcs and looks like I would be able to afford a 20 year mortgage for £180k but like I say I'm absolutely going to remind him of that massive spend I made on my own hat added value because he didn't want "anything to do with it because what the law says and what the law does are different" 🙄, so of course, he won't be wanting any of the proceeds from it. It can go into savings for the kids instead. I will absolutely fight that one, it was a miserable stressful time, lots of paperwork and calls and emails etc. and ££ and all I got off him was grief and scorn and eye rolling whenever I mentioned it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Concernediam · 24/12/2023 16:29

I should even be able to save some ££ so I can bring the term down eventually. I'm well aware that I might not be earning what I do now when I'm 55.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 24/12/2023 16:30

I suspect legally you can't force an uneven split on the basis of whatever you did (was it buying freehold or an improvement or similar).

Do you have joint savings of any description?

Original poster
Concernediam · 24/12/2023 16:35

Whataretheodds · 24/12/2023 16:30

I suspect legally you can't force an uneven split on the basis of whatever you did (was it buying freehold or an improvement or similar).

Do you have joint savings of any description?

Yea similar, very.

No joint savings just my own ive squirreled away, just a joint account for bills only.

I know it wouldn't be legally enforceable I'm just hoping that, yea, I can appeal to his arrogant side there.

OP posts:
ScoobyDoesnt · 24/12/2023 16:35

I took a new mortgage 2 years ago at age 50, and was able to have 20 years as some lenders will do until age 70. Just to keep payments slightly lower; I’ve been chipping away at it by overpaying on work commission months, so now it will be paid off when I’m 67.

Although I’ll likely downsize in the next couple of years as DC leave home and probably do a combination of term reduction and lower payments.

WhatsitWiggle · 24/12/2023 16:45

House worth £180k, £30k left on mortgage? So £150k equity.
Assume 50/50 split, you need a mortgage for £105k (£75k to buy him out plus the £30k left on current mortgage).
That's easily do-able on £45k salary and if you have a private/company pension you can get a mortgage for 20-25 years (I was offered 20 year mortgages at 49).

First, get estate agents round to value
Second, get mortgage broker to find you a deal
Then get conveyancing solitor for the transfer of equity and remortgage in your sole name - mine's costing c £1500 and it should take a few weeks.

He's entitled to 50%. If he argues your proposal of less based on the money you spent, you'll need a solicitor and the cost of that could cost you more than the extra £15k you'd need to pay him. You'll likely be dragging it through the courts for months. Is it really worth it? Or is £15k the cost you accept for getting rid quicker and moving on with your life?

ETA - have the term the shortest you can to comfortably afford the monthly repayments. A longer term just adds more in interest.

BooBooBaloo · 24/12/2023 16:46

Won't you only need a mortgage for 105k though?

Enough to cover the existing 30k mortgage and his 75k of equity (assuming he doesn't agree to reduce because of the thing you did)

BooBooBaloo · 24/12/2023 16:47

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