Abusive husband filed for financial order against me

[B33new]

I need advice. I’m in complete bits, but it’s a long story so please read!
married my husband in 2019. He was coercive and abusive during our marriage. In February 2021 we sold our marital home and went to separate homes. I had to take out a help to buy loanas he had so many debts he couldn’t release the deposit I had put in (£100k from my own funds).
In feb 2022 he arrived at my house and beat me. Throwing me against a wall by my throat. Long story short is he was convicted of assault by battery and harassment in October 2023. He lost his job and is in financial hardship. He was a high earner £158k while I was with him) but in debt. I paid the £100k deposit and £10k stamp duty on our first house together. I also paid off around £30k of his debt he accrued during our marriage. We have no children together. I was part time while we were together and he paid the mortgage and I paid the bills. The money I had was from my previous marriage and was not accrued during our short marriage.
When I left I only had £15k from the sale of our house. He took the other £85k into the house he bought. I had to pay a solicitor £2k to get that money back from him. And I got it in September 2022. £85k which will cover my help to buy and a debt to my mother who leant me the deposit I needed to buy my home.
Tonight I came home to a letter saying he had started ‘sole divorce’ proceedings. In that letter it tells me he is applying for financial order against me. He has debts, no house, no savings and no pension. The opposite to me. I have savings consisting of the £85k he repaid as I am preparing to pay back my help to buy. I also have a pension and a small amount of savings.
My question is, will he get money from me? I am petrified. I have two children (not his) work two jobs to have a life for us and I want nothing from him. He took so much from me during our marriage that I do not want him to take anymore. Despite being a high earner, he was always in debt and had secret credit cards which he took out after I paid off his other ones. I was earning £24k when we were together but had savings from my previous marriage. He took all of them bar £5k which I used to move house.
can someone advise me. I have a deadline of 3rd jan to respond to the divorce and I don’t know what he is applying for in the financial order. I want a clean break consent as I want nothing from him. He has nothing to lose and I have everything to lose. I’m petrified.

Well there are no guarantees but it is usual in cases of short marriage, especially where no resulting children , that parties are put back to their starting position as much as possible , so that you leave with what you came in with

divirces also look at needs / yours are greater as you have children to look after and earning potential ( not just current earnings), so it’s likely they would assess him on his prior salary for that

good luck

Thank you. That gives me hope. He brought debt to the relationship. He sold his property when we bought out house. The £45k equity he had in that he used to pay off credit card debts he had accrued from before we were together. He does have four children from three different relationships. One he doesn’t see at all. The other three he used to see every other weekend. But that may have changed. Technically we have been married 3.5years. But i left him nearly two years ago. Do I just have to wait for the financial order to arrive? Or can I counter it with a clean break order before that?

See a solicitor who will guide you through the process

You have to be married 5 yrs at least to claim any financial gains. How come you didn't divorce him after you went separate ways. These things are mine field as i am finding out for myself. Be prepare for a fight. Read as much as you can. Good luck

Thank you. I didn’t divorce him because of the court case for the assault. Plus I didn’t have the money until He paid me back which took 18months. The court case was finalised and he was sentenced in October this year. He plead financial hardship then so he didn’t have to pay court costs (they reduced them from £1200-£300 for him). Only a month after the court case when I was getting my head together to sort the divorce my 25yr old nephew died suddenly. I am still reeling from it now. He timed the divorce papers to come through to me just before Christmas when everything shuts down and there is a deadline for response by 3rd Jan. he is a narcissist and this in exactly his plan. I have a restraining order against him so he can’t contact me or vice Versa. So it makes it all the more difficult to do.
I intend to fight so he doesn’t get a penny. Nothing I have was anything from him, nor was it accrued during our marriage. In reality we married in August 2019. I left in February 2021. So our marriage was 18months. Do they take that or the day to current date, which would be five years in August next year?

If it is a solicitors letter it is asking for your reply by the 3rd Jam, but it is not legally binding, you can reply after.
This is part of his abuse designed to send you into a panic. Take a breath, enjoy Christmas, get advice on the new year then reply.

You had a short marriage in which he was extremely violent and was arrested. Surely nobody is going to find against you.

Op, I would write down all of this info you have given here about the deposit you paid and all other things you paid for. Then fight for your money back. It was a short marriage and if you were to return to being even then he owes you money. Go for that. The court should see through his rubbish and he might well owe you money at the end of it. Or at least it will scare him into leaving you alone!

Is it a court form deadline or solicitor letter giving a deadline. If the latter don't worry just send and email back saying you'll reply by x date. If it a court date ( sounds very unlikely) then ring up some free for first call type of place. Surely they'll be some working very limited hours during the days between christmas and new year. Also post in legal.
There's alot of avoid point you've made re his debt OP and his potential to earn etc so I think you sound like you'll be in a good place but need solid advice going forward from someone who can see you through the whole process. Wishing you the best of luck in swatting this crappy fly away. Try squash him once and for all this time the legal way!

The law is - generally - logical so will look at the whole picture. The separation date will be Feb 21 as you can evidence new home purchase, and likely you will have emails/messages. Speak to a solicitor, but this act and the timing will be viewed poorly by any court and seen as an attempt to continue harassing you. Based on what you’ve said he has a 0% chance of any financial order.

Please, please do not worry. The 3rd Jan “deadline” is not official. And you can respond with a simple “I am seeking legal advice.”

He won’t get anywhere with this.

Did you cohabit before you were married?

Is it the email from HMTCS? It’s just a formality to tell you that he has applied for the divorce. You can respond to it by using the details supplied in the email. This website https://www.crispandco.com/site/services/divorce/no-fault-divorce/ says this about the email

If a sole application is made, the court will send a copy of the divorce application (under previous laws, this was known as a divorce petition) to the other spouse. They are then required to confirm receipt of the application and send an ‘acknowledgement of service’ form back to the court within 14 days.

You have 20 weeks until the financial order can be applied for so there’s plenty of time to speak with a solicitor about the financial bit.

Sorry just reread your op and see that it’s a letter - if it’s from HMTCS then the above applies. If it’s from him then it’s not official and I would speak to a solicitor in the new year.

Was going to reply with exactly this! If it's the solicitors letter giving a deadline it's meaningless. My ExH did this to me with solicitor letters. So the day before the 'deadline' I'd put a letter through the solicitor's door saying something along the lines of 'thank you for your letter dated x, I'll be in touch within 28 days with a response.' It took back that bit of control and cost the ExH money as he'd get charged by the solicitor for dealing with that response as well as the later letter! I did this every time. He dropped it in the end.

Thank you all.

it is a letter from HMCTS. I phoned them on Friday as he had purposely given an email for me which he knows is not active anymore. It is in my married name from my first marriage and he hates my ex so was done purposely. He knows it is not used anymore.
we lived together from May 2018 in the house we bought together (I paid the deposit on etc). We sold that house and he took all the equity bar £15k that I had. He then paid me back the remaining £85k because I had to start legal action against him. He sold the property he bought and is now renting. In Ascot I might add. He would have had equity from his house sale. There was no additional interest on the money he owed me. I got back what I had put in the house we had together. Not a penny more. I want nothing from him at all. I want a clean break agreement that is all.
it is more abuse. He was convicted of assault by battery and harassment in October. Is serving 18mth probation and 50hrs community service. He will see his financial situation as my fault because he lost his highly paid job because he was charged (by CPS he was charged with ABH but this was lowered for a guilty plea to battery). He is a strategic and emotionless man. A bully and a narcissist. I cannot begin to tell you what I have been through these last 18months. Right up to his sentencing hearing he controlled and manipulated. Even in the hearing he did. Playing the victim, saying he has ADHD and depression. I wasn’t allowed to say anything about the coercion and abuse in the years leading up to the assault and he had character references saying what a great person he is. I will fight him all the way. At his cost. Thank you all so much for your advice. I’m going to try and see a solicitor before Jan 3rd. But if I can’t, do i respond online and agree the divorce? I do not want to be married to this man anymore. I intend to delete all memories of it entirely. But I don’t want to agree to anything if that can be used against me in financial ways.

He timed the divorce papers to come through to me just before Christmas when everything shuts down and there is a deadline for response by 3rd Jan. he is a narcissist and this in exactly his plan.

He doesn't have to be a narcissist to do this he is just simply abusive. As you point out he has already been convicted for this and is now using the family court system to further his abuse.

Unfortunately when people, companies and organisations want to abuse people they time correspondence to arrive on Friday if they know you will be out at work or Saturday mornings, especially before bank and public holidays.

If it is a solicitor's letter then answer it by the end of January not the 3 January. This is because no reasonable person can be expected to answer correspondence over this Christmas/New Year period when the Courts aren't in session.

As he is abusive do not write and definitely do not email his solicitor to acknowledge you have received the letter. Find a solicitor in January and get them to to reply on your behalf.

Fighting for the little money you have with the fact you have to use solicitors due means he will not get anything as it will be spent on legal fees. He is just doing it as another way to abuse you.

The only other thing to add is to make sure your own children, especially if they are under 14, have absolutely nothing to do with him. As he has an unscrupulous solicitor/legal rep he may try to argue that he as a fatherly relationship to your children. This is so he can abuse you through them.

Go and see a reputable solicitor sooner rather than later. Gather together all the correspondence that you have from him (texts, emails etc) setting out what was agreed when you put the equity into the home, and what was agreed when you separated, from the process or proceedings resulting in you getting the £85k back, and from the criminal proceedings. They will help the solicitor to advise you. It will also help your solicitor if you can start pulling together information about your assets, income and outgoings.

Respond saying you are seeking legal advice and are not able to do so until after the 3 January due to the festive period. He's timed this on purpose, and Judge is unlikely to be impressed; he's timed it to stress you out when you're trying to give the children a happy Christmas and when lots of solicitors are not working or only dealing with emergencies.

You won't even be able to try and make a legal appointment until Wednesday, so try not to stress too much about it over the bank holiday weekend. Maybe reach out to any divorced friends and see if you can get a recommendation for a good solicitor so that you have a plan in place.

My children would not want to see him. They are scared of him and, though they loved him when we were together, have both been through counselling because of the fallout of what he did. There is no way. It would literally be over my dead body. There is also a restraining order for five years against him. He isnt allowed any contact with me only through solicitors. And I have to do the same. I have to use the money I got from him to pay my help to buy loan back. I would never had had to get this loan if he had been better with money as I could have had my deposit back and used it to buy my home. Because he was in debt the mortgage company would not let him port the mortgage with less than £85k deposit. He paid off his £45k credit cards with equity from the house he sold before we bought our house. Then he built another £20k back up. Which I paid off. Then he told me in March 2020 that he had credit cards I didn’t know about and had built up another £10-20k debt. He would never tell me exactly how much they were. Even when we were separating he got me to lend him £2500 to pay off his motorbike. He then paid for my car from November 2020 to December 2022 to pay this back as agreed. I have since got a new car and now pay it myself. He paid nothing into this house and took the furniture I bought for our house with him. So I had to buy new when I moved. I only got kids beds, my bed and a bookshelf. Bear in mind he was taking home £7k a month and I was then taking home £2k. He has four children from three different relationships. He has also walked away from his previous 3 marriages (should have been a red flag I know!) with nothing. So why he feels I should pay is beyond me. Perhaps it is because I stood up and fought back in the end n

Keep calm and keep fighting.

Weird if I could write this about my ex husband it's like him exactly. Doesn't seem my child either down to abuse and violence

If necessary contact Women's Aid they should be able to direct you to some legal advice over the festive season. From memory you don't have to respond fully by 3rd January just saying if you accept anything or will be disputing. The real stuff happens after this.
If you started co-hanging in 2018, and the house was sold in Feb 2023 you are probably still under 5 years. But the earlier the date you can show you were separated from (emails or texts, rental agreements etc.) will help. It is a short marriage so he has no claim on your pension etc.
Don't panic.
For more advice try the divorce section.

The house was sold in February 2021. I bought my house in the same month and our mortgage together ended when we sold the house so that will all be there. He sold the house he brought in September 2022 and moved into rented. I am more concerned about my savings. I have the money I got back from him. Which I have solicitors emails about. He never disputes paying it back. I have kept it as I am waiting for house prices to drop a bit before i pay back help to buy. My house had gone up by 60k last year which means I would have to pay an extra £12k on top of the original help to buy loan. Another cost he has caused me. And I owe my mum over £30k as she meant me the deposit for the house. He has cost me so much. He is a nasty man who is rubbish with money but always claims it’s because he hates it and uses it to make others happy. 🤣

My advice is to approach this as the final step to being free. You need to get a divorce for that to happen. Without children the main element to sort out is the financial connection created by marriage.

The back and forth over the house sales and debts hasn’t done that. It needs to be done according to the rules of divorce.

This is where you need to get legal advice and to listen this advice not your anger. A narcissist will be only to happy to fight you all the way. They have no problem with scorched earth in the pursuit of the fight.

You already have a high conflict divorce and it’s unlikely you are going to agree. This increases if both of you have unreasonable expectations.

Generally you pay your own divorce costs. They rack up. You can get costs awarded if the other party has deliberately run the costs up. But only if you are being reasonable.

Dont get sucked into the mentality of not giving an inch to stop him winning or reacting to everything he says or does. Thats not to say roll over but it to say be prepared to cut your losses and get him permanently out of your life.

You may be eligible for legal aid because of the DV. Please look into it

Im
a full Time teacher so I don’t think I get anything as help. GDASS took me through the process after the assault so i could ask them