DH and I have been together 10 years, married for just over seven. His second marriage; my first. I have one young adult DC; he has two. My DC lives with us. We're both early sixties.
We've had no physical relationship at all for over two years now (my decision). In that time our marriage has been completely loveless and things have come to a head very recently following a huge argument. We've admitted we were both going to have 'The Talk' once Christmas was over, but it blew up!
So we've agreed to separate. The long and short of it is that we're going to have to put the house on the market as soon as all the little jobs to improve it are done. The garden looks awful because of the time of year but I'll do the best I can with it. We jointly own the house and he has reluctantly agreed to let me have half the equity even though I haven't paid into the mortgage in all this time. (Lots of reasons - part-time work, bringing up our three teenagers, project managing house renovations, etc etc. And then latterly for my health reasons). He's never once said 'DW I think you shou;d get a full time job and pay half the mortgage. When I asked him why he's never addressed this he said he didn't want to upset me.
I'm happy about the financial arrangement as by law he could prove that I haven't contributed to the mortgage at all and take me to the cleaners, so I am grateful for that. However, I have contributed to food, phone bills, kids' things and holidays all along. In our time together I've always earned, just not that much. He earns good money.
The issue is that we live in the south east and I'm not going to be able to afford to buy anywhere until I get a full time job, and even then I'm not sure I'll be able to. At my age and with only a very small pension I'm not looking forward to starting full time work again, but will have to suck it up. I'm more than aware that I've made myself very vulnerable financially and am furious for being so stupid. I was a single parent from day one and self-employed, hence the lack of pension.
My question is, would it be sensible to spend some of the equity on, say, six months' rent just so that my DC and I can get somewhere to live temporarily? We wouldn't do this until the house was on the market and DH would stay here, continuing to pay the big bills. I hope I'd be able to borrow the money from a family member and would pay them back as soon as the house is sold.
Despite how I can't wait to be divorced from him DH is basically a decent guy and I know he wouldn't go back on his promise. He's said that I can come and do the viewings and obviously have access to the house anytime I wanted as long as I give him notice (he got himself onto dating sites within a day).
He's suggested that DC and I move out in a couple of months or so as neither he nor I want to live together longer than we absolutely have to. The atmosphere is frosty but mostly polite, as long as we don't talk about money but I am feeling very stressed. DC will need to up their hours at work (if that's even possible) and I need to get a full time job (again, hoping and praying).
Has anyone else been in my position and had to start again from scratch in their early sixties, with a paltry pension and no guarantee of a job in the immediate future? All this with having to cope with getting my health better, coping with Christmas and all the family and not sleeping? I know things will get better at some point but right now I want to run away with the stress of it all. Any practical suggestions welcome! Thanks so much if you've got this far.