Hi everyone, looking for practical tips/advice/reassurance I'm not going mad.
In a nutshell I feel like things in my marriage are becoming unsustainable. Together 9 years, married 3, 2 small DC. Before marrying I was aware that DH recreationally used drugs. However, over the past year it has come to light this has developed in to a serious opiate addiction, I think during the Covid/WFH era increased opportunity to dabble came along which snowballed. During this time he has downplayed (borderline gaslighting) the situation. He agreed to go in to treatment this time last year. I couldn't cope with the verbal aggression during the detox part so I left with DC (he wouldn't leave!) then came back on the promise he was committed to recovery and things improved for some time. Fast forward 7 months or so we got in to a blazing row because I called him out on the way he spoke to me. He stormed out bawling, shouting and swearing in front of DC so I told him not to come back. After an hour or so he returned by which point I had calmed down and the DC were in bed. He couldn't get in as I had locked the door and left the key in but when I heard he was back I went straight down to let him in. He barged right past me, sending me flying and I banged my head on the door wall and cut my back. I was stunned and think adrenaline took over as I ran after him to the bathroom and tried to open the door to tell him to get out. Twice he flew out the bathroom and pushed me out of the way, the second time he pushed me down on to the bed and I swiped up at him with my hand out of what I felt was self defence. In the months following this, he has maintained that I am as much at fault here because I hurt him with the bathroom door and I apparently punched him. I don't condone what I done here but I was genuinely reacting in defence/shock and adrenaline. The day after this, I found remnants of drugs on a table. The DC were unlikely to be in this room but could have accessed it. I packed up the DC while they were in childcare but unfortunately could not intercept FIL who was due to pick DC 1 up from nursery so ended up explaining what happened and that I'd had enough. Of course DH was furious and cue weeks of complete vile abuse by text . He says I have painted him a wife beater and should be disgusted at myself, am a cretin etc etc. this was around 4 months ago and I returned on the premise that things would improve. I tried multiple times to get him to leave and let me return alone with DC but he would not. He promised he would engage with drug recovery and counselling. I suspected he wasn't engaging but any time I approached the subject I got vague responses and yarns about appointments being cancelled etc. Last week it was all confirmed that he hasn't been back on his programme at all, but he was attempting to get back on it. He had lied about having children and his support worker found out and came to do a home visit. I was aware this would happen when he went for treatment. But thought it was safer all round to get treatment than not! I suppose what has now tipped me over the edge is that I feel like I've been getting a frosty reception from his family and strongly suspect that he has made me out to be a lunatic over the shoving incident. I feel completely galled as I have over accommodated him and tried to support his recovery whilst also keeping my DC safe. For a large part of time paying all bills/birthdays/Christmas as he has ended up in debt with his issues as well as changing jobs.
For context, he has no social life, his drug use doesn't seem to be for enjoyment or getting high, he simply cannot function without withdrawing.
The end result is I am filled with rage and sadness that he has done this to me and DC. I haven't detailed fully the burden of everything he's thrust on my as it would take too long. I'm at my wits end and constantly living on edge. And after all of this I can't believe his family seem to be annoyed at me after all I've endured. And to note they have taken very little to do with supporting his recovery.
Am I completely off here with being at the end of my tether? Also, how do I get out of this situation? House in my name but he will not leave and a lawyer has already told me it would be difficult to get him removers and would take months. Or has anyone been in this situation? Do I see it though with this next stint and recovery and see what happens.
Also I just want to mention that I am hyper vigilant in ensuring the dc are not in a position they could access his rubbish so please be kind to me on that front because I agonise daily that anything like this has happened in their home.