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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

ex cohabiting a month after final order

28 replies

scottiedog10 · 18/12/2023 10:47

Name changed for this.
No children and assets (our home) were split 50/50 as were pensions (his was much larger as Id had career gaps so I've benefitted here) to be fair my share did allow me to purchase a suitable house for myself mortgage-free. My income was much higher than his at the time of the divorce.
However, he indicated on form e that he was not planning on cohabitating with anyone within 6 months of divorce and he has moved in with a new partner in her rented property.
Have a realistically anything to gain by taking any action on this?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 18/12/2023 11:08

The divorce settlement is intended to equalise your post-divorce financial positions. You now appear to be in at least an equal position overall to him financially, and presumably didn’t disadvantage yourself financially during the marriage to his benefit by i.e. giving up work to care for shared children, and have those ongoing costs to maintain, as you don’t have any children. Do you really want to start up expensive and antagonistic legal action to chase potentially nothing? Surely at this point you just get on with your life and let him do the same. If he’s moved into a partner’s rented house then he has far less housing security than you do.

Bluebell06 · 18/12/2023 11:08

What more would you like? Some blood?

Original poster
scottiedog10 · 18/12/2023 11:34

I did give up work for a year or two years ago to care for his child (long grown up) however to be fair, I am hardly in a perilous situation. My housing is pleasant and I am not struggling.
It's just 'friends' who claim his new girlfriend has savings (she is not supporting him in any way apparently) and that they are planning to buy a property together jointly using his share of our house and her contribution are saying that had he declared this on form e that I would possibly have got a bigger share of the house sale. I feel they are encouraging me to develop a sour grapes approach but was just curious.

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 18/12/2023 11:47

Hold your head high and leave it …. Going after him now will dramatically sour the relationship and you have a child -even if grown up! Yes he said he won’t live with anyone for 6 months but her money is her money and who knows if they last one day, one year, one decade

tescocreditcard · 18/12/2023 12:04

Yes. Take him back to court for more money.

Redlarge · 18/12/2023 12:08

Its infuriating but i wouldnt do anything.
Same thing happened to me. Took out loans right before final hearing to 'equalise' debt. No doubt paid them straight off. Overpayed pension to claim lower income. Its a joke, a mess and corrupt as fuck.
Walk away from the chaos and stress now. I would.

gotomomo · 18/12/2023 12:24

If everything was split 50/50 how is his future plans got anything to do with it. The fact hes met someone else is of no consequence to the divorce settlement.

Sodndashitall · 18/12/2023 12:27

If he was not cohabiting prior to the financial settlement then it's not really relevant what he does now unless you have accepted less maintenance because he's got so little income

Redlarge · 18/12/2023 12:28

Its because they divide the house and assets on housing need. Hes clearly inflated his housing need by not being truthful about his options and plans

oakleaffy · 18/12/2023 12:31

You are being very unreasonable!
Why should it matter what he does?
You have done well out of the divorce- be grateful for that.

Floopani · 18/12/2023 12:36

In a marriage with no children and roughly comparable situations, 50/50 is quite right. OP got more pension and a mortgage free house. Let it go OP. The new partners savings have nothing to do with you.

AllIsWellish · 18/12/2023 12:37

Why would you? You have no children together , You've walked away with enough to buy a suitable house for your needs mortgage free, some of his pension and you earn more than him so presumably OK for money . I dont know why under these cirmstances you should be entitled to more because he's now cohabiting

Original poster
scottiedog10 · 18/12/2023 12:40

Redlarge · 18/12/2023 12:28

Its because they divide the house and assets on housing need. Hes clearly inflated his housing need by not being truthful about his options and plans

This is what my friend is saying.
However, the 50/50 split enabled me to buy a property to meet my needs which I'm happy with...its just me on my own, I don't want or need a bigger property. I suppose I am wondering if I should be as 'angry' as my friends are suggesting I should be (i'm not) that my ex will end up 'better off' now he has met someone to buy a property jointing with...I don't resent that at all.

OP posts:
Isheabastard · 18/12/2023 12:44

I’m divorcing. We’ve done form E but have yet to agree finances.

I living in a separate property already (renting).

He is keeping the marital home and will buy me out. He has already moved his girlfriend in who is paying a small rent and sharing bills.

I should have enough to buy and live on, so I won’t be trying to use this to increase my share of 50/50.

It sounds like you don’t need to do this either. Go with your feelings, not your friends.

LemonTT · 18/12/2023 12:45

scottiedog10 · 18/12/2023 11:34

I did give up work for a year or two years ago to care for his child (long grown up) however to be fair, I am hardly in a perilous situation. My housing is pleasant and I am not struggling.
It's just 'friends' who claim his new girlfriend has savings (she is not supporting him in any way apparently) and that they are planning to buy a property together jointly using his share of our house and her contribution are saying that had he declared this on form e that I would possibly have got a bigger share of the house sale. I feel they are encouraging me to develop a sour grapes approach but was just curious.

You need better friends if they are stirring up acrimony. Even if your children are adults the less conflict between you and your ex the better.

A decision to give up work was a joint one that presumably facilitated both your lives. You both got benefit and made sacrifices at the time. No court is going to unpick and analyse the impact of every marital decision.

The salaries and pensions at divorce are what is relevant. The only issue was to equalise pension which is what happened. Your housing needs were met.

He was asked whether he had an intention to cohabitate at the time. He will just confirm he didn’t at the time. The question would not have been relevant to any judgement. It might have been something you wanted answered but rather than confronting you they told you what you wanted to know.

tescocreditcard · 18/12/2023 12:47

Obviously my previous post was being sarcastic.

Agree with @LemonTT you need better friends. What sort of friend tries to make you angry and unhappy with your lot.

AllIsWellish · 18/12/2023 12:49

scottiedog10 · 18/12/2023 12:40

This is what my friend is saying.
However, the 50/50 split enabled me to buy a property to meet my needs which I'm happy with...its just me on my own, I don't want or need a bigger property. I suppose I am wondering if I should be as 'angry' as my friends are suggesting I should be (i'm not) that my ex will end up 'better off' now he has met someone to buy a property jointing with...I don't resent that at all.

Show quote history

And if that relationship fails he'll have to go through selling the house and all the splitting of equity/deposit again. More fool him I'd say .

millymollymoomoo · 18/12/2023 12:52

Ybvu

you got a fair share ffs

let him move in

IncompleteSenten · 18/12/2023 12:56

Surely all he needs to say is he wasn't planning on it but she asked him out of the blue and he decided to go for it.

If you got a fair share then move on. If you want more because he's got someone else and you want a piece of the extra cash she's bringing to their household or you want to punish him for moving in with her then have a think about whether that's really who you want to be.

Original poster
scottiedog10 · 18/12/2023 13:08

IncompleteSenten · 18/12/2023 12:56

Surely all he needs to say is he wasn't planning on it but she asked him out of the blue and he decided to go for it.

If you got a fair share then move on. If you want more because he's got someone else and you want a piece of the extra cash she's bringing to their household or you want to punish him for moving in with her then have a think about whether that's really who you want to be.

yes, agreed.
And I probably do need better friends....I don't want to punish my ex...I think my friend possibly does, and not even for anything he's done..but more so because she feels hard done by after her own divorce, not sure my best interests were behind any of her comments..I just wanted to check i wasn't the hard done by doormat she was suggesting I was!

OP posts:
gotomomo · 18/12/2023 13:18

Unfortunately "friends" can be using anger from their own experiences to stir things up.

I was living with dp by the time I divorced, we had been split 3 years at that point. My ex knows it saved him money because I may have needed a bigger share to be adequately housed!

NorthernSpirit · 18/12/2023 15:02

There are no children involved and you split the assets 50:50.

You benefited from this as he has a bigger pension - as you had career gaps (this seems unfair as you didn’t have gaps to raise children). You now live in a mortgage free home.

YET….. you are wondering if you can challenge a signed consent order to get more? How much more do you think you are entitled to?

This seems really grabby IMO.

Your EH is entitled to move on with his life and supporting you isn’t his responsibility.

Mumof3confused · 18/12/2023 15:42

On what grounds would you challenge? Him living with someone new is unlikely to have made a difference to the settlement in your situation. Your needs are met.

PlaidCushionProductions · 18/12/2023 17:45

Ditch the friends and their big wooden spoon!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/12/2023 20:06

You're also freee to meet someone else to buy a property with if you want to. Doubt you'd want to though!