My partner separated from his ex five years ago. They were not married. They have two children together age 7 and 11. They own the house together and he moved out straight away. He pays half the mortgage and gives maintenance, the total (£1,300p/m) coming to more than half of his standard wage a month and on top of that pays for extra things the kids need / want etc. He works a lot of overtime (security job so luckily can do nights and weekends etc) to afford his expenses but also to try and save for his own house.
Obviously the amount he has to work affects how much he can see/have his children.
Unfortunately because he already owns a house and they were not married he has to pay a lot in sdlt on a second property (have checked this out with tax office and a solicitor) also because he is liable for the other mortgage the banks won’t lend him much without a large deposit so he has to save a lot for the type of house they need , (a 3 bed as children cannot share bedroom anymore).
He has nowhere suitable to have a regular and agreed contact arrangement with his children (I rent with my friend, work full time and am trying to save also to buy with my partner). He stays with his parents and gives a small contribution to them to live there as a temporary option, they live over 30 miles away from children and have a 2 bed house so again not enough space and wastes half the time with them in the car on the journey! He will stay with me when I am able to facilitate sleepovers with children on air beds etc but you can imagine this takes a lot of organising with my flat mate etc.
He could rent somewhere but this would defeat the purpose as he would still have to work as much overtime to afford it as his standard wage without overtime after paying all that money to ex wouldn’t even cover the rent fee alone so he wouldn’t actually even be able to have the children.
He would like them 50/50 and is a great father, everything he works for is so that he can have a good relationship and future with them.
Ex is constantly demanding more money, says he works so much that his wage means he isn’t paying enough but she can’t seem to grasp why he is having to work that many hours! She refuses to increase own working hours as this impacts her benefits, refuses to sell house, can’t afford to buy him out and refuses him to buy her out. Talks him down for not having the children enough but it is becoming physically impossible to have them. I think he would be paying less if csa got involved but she only ever “threatens to” and says that he has got what he deserves, will owe her thousands and everything will be hers. Even if he walked away from the property (which he has considered, she wouldn’t pay the mortgage it would default and affect his credit etc).
I can see the toll this takes on him, no quality of life, not enough time with children and desperately trying to get enough money together for his own future.
I know the law is different for unmarried couples but think this should go before a judge once and for all to support with an agreement that is fair to all parties but especially the children? He thinks that this is a waste of money and judge would side with the mother?